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Published: 2007-07-26 02:38:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 11011; Favourites: 475; Downloads: 0
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Description
I'm guessing dA isn't going to let me do my formatting properly, so I screenshotted the poem in Word and then made an image of it in Photoshop. Hopefully it's readable in one form or the other. Apologies if it's not.I was a bit inspired by ~sarjan 's poem Unconscious Debate , mostly because I liked the shape of the poem and thought it had been a long while since I'd written a concrete poem. This one started simply but quickly spiraled into something much larger than I thought it would be.
The three spires are intended to represent atheism, theism, and agnosticism, respectively. Hopefully everything else in the poem is self-evident.
Please, please let me know what you think.
edit: Uh, and thanks to whoever properly categorized it. I couldn't find any other place where I could display the image as my poem, so I just went with Visual Poetry... (Honestly, I'm kind of surprised there's no 'Concrete Poetry' form choice, but alas...)
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Comments: 135
CynicalRomantic In reply to ??? [2007-11-09 15:18:15 +0000 UTC]
Well that was pretty damn awsome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to CynicalRomantic [2007-11-12 04:47:59 +0000 UTC]
Well thanks for saying so!
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inspyretash In reply to ??? [2007-08-13 02:30:38 +0000 UTC]
Gosh! Great work on the layout - very eyecatching.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to inspyretash [2007-08-13 13:44:18 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! The layout was certainly the hardest part of this piece; I'm glad it worked!
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SiLenT-Snake [2007-08-13 01:12:05 +0000 UTC]
Very clever work you have there! I was moved from end to end.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to SiLenT-Snake [2007-08-13 13:38:50 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I'm glad to hear it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
faeriecrone In reply to ??? [2007-08-13 01:06:03 +0000 UTC]
This is quite amazing! I have never seenanything like it and the way you bring the three spires of theosophy together is so clever.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Eisoptrophobic In reply to ??? [2007-08-13 00:21:52 +0000 UTC]
Not much I can say about this; it's great!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to Eisoptrophobic [2007-08-13 13:37:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you, I'm glad you like it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
dyrwen In reply to ??? [2007-07-31 21:24:25 +0000 UTC]
Wonderful merger of ideas, it's pretty much seamless in its transition.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Bulknowt In reply to ??? [2007-07-29 12:31:43 +0000 UTC]
Are these all your own words? Bah! Of course they are. I found this really interesting to read and ponder and the style is great. Good work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to Bulknowt [2007-07-29 13:43:11 +0000 UTC]
I sure hope they're all my own words! When writing things like this I always worry that I'm subconsciously plagiarizing some other work... but, again, I'm confident these are mine.
Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
hpets In reply to ??? [2007-07-27 21:20:29 +0000 UTC]
Wow, that's truly amazing! I love how everything blends together, and how although this is a written, piece, there isn't a definite place where the reader has to start. This is an amazing concept that you've done! Awesome job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to hpets [2007-07-28 12:14:10 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you like it so much! I definitely liked it when I had the idea for a sort of non-linear poem.
Thanks for the kind words!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SirNaelyan In reply to ??? [2007-07-27 01:14:40 +0000 UTC]
Nice form. A bit cliche, but I like how you were able to relate the individual shapes inside the large taj mahal like one. Took me a minute to figure out the tops.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to SirNaelyan [2007-07-27 02:09:00 +0000 UTC]
Heh, thanks. I do wish I could make it clearer, but when battling against a nontraditional form, and specifically one that relies on symmetry, it's pretty difficult to simultaneously nail the content and the form.
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Silica-Streak [2007-07-26 19:52:40 +0000 UTC]
I have to say, I see and hear many people saying, "This work could get published, it's so great!" and most of the time, I think the work is poor because of my style of judgement.
I think every author, prose-writer, poet, writer, anyone in literature has their own personal niche, and when they decide to write out of that niche or when they find a new comfort zone in seemingly foreign material, they find success.
I don't often see pieces like this, and I would say that, given a right place and some persuasion, you could publish this based on its completely true perceptions and on its easily accessible and identifiable design.
A word I feel strongly resonates with this piece is an adjective, which is "whole." A whole piece that gives and shares reciprocating ideas.
I don't know if you wrote it from that perspective, because people I know and me included usually write pieces like this unaware of their potential.
Feel proud of such a becoming work. I haven't seen many pieces like this from you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to Silica-Streak [2007-07-26 20:13:59 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I did take this poem from the perspective of "wholeness"... When I conceived it, I thought about something designed to show the things I generally believe to be universally true for everyone... things such as the "golden rule," the notion that we should treat others as we treat ourselves. I always feel like in religion and beliefs, people create thousands of artificial barriers between themselves, but in reality, at our foundation, there's so much in common that it's a shame we don't realize it more often.
I'm glad you think so highly of this piece, and I am definitely proud of it. I still feel like it could use touching up in some way, but I'm not sure I could do much of anything without bringing the whole construction crashing down. I've never had a concrete poem that was so hard to balance to get the image I desired.
Anyway, once again, thanks. I'll definitely be hanging onto it in hopes of publishing it some day.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Silica-Streak [2007-07-26 19:29:59 +0000 UTC]
This is actually quite nice. I like the words better than the design, and the message is accurate to me.
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ThornyEnglishRose In reply to ??? [2007-07-26 10:47:25 +0000 UTC]
I... genius! You've got to do something with that, it's as good as or better than most published pieces I've read in my entire life!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to ThornyEnglishRose [2007-07-26 12:43:14 +0000 UTC]
Haha, wow, thanks. I'm not sure I am completely satisfied with it, yet, but getting the formatting to work right was a bitch! (The spires were so hard to balance while keeping the gist of what I wanted to say in each one...)
Once I'm happy with it (or have decided I'm done fiddling with it) I do plan to shop it around and see if I get any nibbles.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ThornyEnglishRose In reply to vix0r [2007-07-26 17:05:04 +0000 UTC]
Tee hee
...Sorry, I'm being immature and rude.
But seriously, it's amazing, as are you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
vix0r In reply to ThornyEnglishRose [2007-07-26 18:03:04 +0000 UTC]
Stop, stop. Still, thanks for all the kind words, as well as the immaturity and the rudeness. I love it all.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
vix0r In reply to poliandrica [2007-07-26 12:41:05 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
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