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VQnava — Confused thoughts

Published: 2022-09-01 11:44:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 1741; Favourites: 37; Downloads: 0
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Description TW. Nothing serious, but it's worth warning. Ahead there are a lot of sad letters, mentions of physical and mental problems.

As a rule, it is difficult for me to explain my condition, but I don't want to be silent about it. Imagine that you went to bed late. You were woken up early in the morning and started to be asked questions and told something. You don't even understand what's going on at all, who and there you are, you can't even ask to speak slower and repeat, because the tongue doesn't obey, and you don't understand how to formulate your wish at all. You are forced to get up and get ready for the exit. Along the way you stagger, tilt sideways, crash into wardrobes and walls, your legs seem to be made of very heavy, but soft clay. Things fall out of your hands, you don't hit all the letters in your phone to write a message to your friend. I feel about this on a regular basis. A little better than I described above, but there are definitely problems with memory, maintaining conversations, movements coordination.

A week ago I had an MRI scan and my brain circulation was confirmed to be poor. Initially I had complaints of headaches: more than a month has passed since the day I feel tension in my temples, ranging from mild discomfort to acute pain. I hope that the prescribed medicine, going to irl studies at University and yoga, I will feel better because honestly it is literally hard for me to live, not to mention the difficulties of studying and working, primarily intellectual. It seems that when I try to work, I experience all sorts of negative feelings, starting with poor concentration and fast tiredness and ending with gloomy moods.
When I catch myself with not understanding what people are saying to me and I can't remember something completely simple, I start to get very nervous and get even more confused (for example, one day I literally forgot to feed my lizard, fortunately leopard geckos eat almost once a week and therefore it is not so critical... in any case, the situation is not pleasant). Not only do I feel stupid at such moments, but my interlocutors are forced to drag the conversation with me themselves and try to explain 10 times what they want to tell me. I wish strength and patience to everyone who communicates with me...

As of today, I am a fourth-year student. I need to pull myself together, this is the last stage of my studies, but I'm literally scared at the thought that I'm physically poorly assimilating new material and regularly forget the old one, adding to this moral fatigue, because of which interest in the studied science has almost disappeared without a trace. I'm completely unprepared for this academic year. It's like you with 40 lvl character get into a territory with 80 lvl mobs and try to at least survive.

In addition to all of the above, I feel a decline in moral strength. If before I could be described as a nice sun, now I'm more like a dull moon. Of course, from time to time I feel an enthusiasm, a desire to do everything in the world and finish everything I started. But most of the time I'm very depressed. Perhaps this was the result of physical problems with the head. But it is possible that the opposite is true, and problems with blood circulation occured from anxiety and a joyless mood.
I often talk about myself as a person who is looking for their place in this world, their destiny. And the longer I live, the thicker fog I seem to be drawn into. Thoughts are confused. I want to move, but I'm at a complete loss and without understanding where I should go at all.

Thanks to everyone who read to the end. I wish all students success, easy exams and loyal teachers. 🍁


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CHARACTERS: Q

GENDER: female

SPECIES: kukuri (© Unikeko) but anthro


Q belongs to me

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WORK TYPE: Shaded art

PROGRAM: Paint Tool SAI 2 and Photoshop CS5

TABLET: Huion 420


ART © VQnava

!THIS WORK MAY NOT BE USED, EDITED, COPIED, PUBLISHED OR UPLOADED IN ANY WAYS WITHOUT MY WRITTEN PERMISSION!

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Comments: 2

IFeelFreeLikeABird [2022-09-21 18:50:06 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VQnava In reply to IFeelFreeLikeABird [2022-09-21 19:20:46 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 0