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Published: 2010-06-04 00:51:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 450; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 2
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Description
"The time for beauty has ended,"I whisper.
You agree by giving
one simple, swift nod.
"If only the Earth could be mended,"
you murmur.
I wish I could say it began when
the neighbors destroyed one hundred years,
cut down the tree in their backyard, then
built a cerulean pool to hold summer's tears.
"Tuck would be disappointed,"
she points out, as if everything
but the here
and the now
was always everlasting-
in reality, little has that privilege.
But then came the oil spills, like ink,
and rain that burned through the veins
of our parasols, wearing away to pink:
breaking the wild wind in our manes.
"I suppose this means that citric acid
is strangling our blood cells."
And I know that
it's simply not true,
but sometimes it is difficult to believe that
summertime is just what it used to be.
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Comments: 12
Leekaara [2010-08-29 15:29:33 +0000 UTC]
I didn't catch the rhymes in my head until I read Bonnie's comment. They were so well done and gracefully woven into the piece!
My favorite line:
"I suppose this means that citric acid
is strangling our blood cells."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Chibi-Rukia-Chan [2010-07-01 16:51:34 +0000 UTC]
I couldn't find the folder. Can you give me the link? I want to submit my entry.
Also, I'd like to say that I love yours. You use a lot of detail and I wish you the best of luck when they begin voting for the winner! ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VyaliasKryptonite In reply to Chibi-Rukia-Chan [2010-07-01 17:21:03 +0000 UTC]
To be honest, I couldn't find it either! For now I've just stuck it into the poetry folder until they realize they haven't made one for the Summertime contest yet.
And thanks! [:
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LuxLazuli [2010-06-06 20:03:57 +0000 UTC]
I CAUGHT THE REFERENCES! I FEEL SO PROUD OF MYSELF! (And proud of you, too, for writing this beautiful piece.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VyaliasKryptonite In reply to LuxLazuli [2010-06-06 20:28:14 +0000 UTC]
Congratulations! 8D *confetti'd*
[And thanks, Lena! <3]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VyaliasKryptonite In reply to einnobztron [2010-06-04 01:16:54 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
I decided it was high time for me to use a bit more rhyme in my writing. Glad it was received well! [:
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
einnobztron In reply to VyaliasKryptonite [2010-06-04 23:28:12 +0000 UTC]
you're very welcome
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Avenvia [2010-06-04 00:53:22 +0000 UTC]
I really, really like this. It's eloquent but understandable and emotive without being excessive. The format is also great. A strong piece
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VyaliasKryptonite In reply to Avenvia [2010-06-04 00:57:06 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! And thanks for taking the time to comment, it means a lot to me. [:
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Avenvia In reply to VyaliasKryptonite [2010-06-04 07:39:22 +0000 UTC]
Not a problem, it deserved the favourite and the comment
👍: 0 ⏩: 0