HOME | DD

Description
Too many candidates and only one vote! As a public service, I'm here to straighten out this mess and clue you in as to where this crowd is REALLY aligned.

Chris Christie: A former federal prosecutor who has worked with law enforcement on the local, state, and federal level. Of all the 21st Century Presidential candidates, only Rudy Giuliani has more cred with law enforcement.

Dr. Ben Carson: A brain surgeon and devout Christian. Lacking the aggressive fire of the other candidates, he may be TOO nice to be a good President. I'd rather see him as Surgeon General. And through his religious convictions, he has revealed some shockingly ignorant viewpoints in the mind of an otherwise brilliant man.

Ted Cruz: Democrats are terrified of him because he's everything the left-wing's narrative of the Republican Party ISN'T supposed to be: young, hip, dynamic, smart, tech-savvy and a minority. Because of this, he has weathered some of the most vicious, heinous, borderline-libelous attacks directed at any candidate this year (Trump is, overall, the bigger target, but most of the what the media says about him is true). And he annoys establishment Republicans because he refuses to march to their drummer.

Jeb Bush: A successful two-term governor with a nearly bottomless campaign fund, he has nevertheless alienated conservative Republicans for reaching across the aisle too many times while governing a state where Democrats outnumber Republicans 5 to 3. He'd probably have a lot more support among moderates if his name wasn't "Bush".

John Kasich: Arguably one of the most successful governors of the past generation. He's too liberal for most Republicans and too conservative for most Democrats - which is exactly what I LIKE about him. But it's also what will prevent him from winning his party's nomination and, subsequently, the Presidency.

Donald Trump: Forget all that "make America great again" crap. Trump is a bloviating, thin-skinned, infantile, cartoon slumlord who's only interested in wealth, status and constantly fapping his colossal ego. He's only in this for the applause - and maybe to get his face carved into Mount Rushmore.

Rand Paul: Beneath his veneer of being a strict and loyal constitutionalist, he is a petty, selfish isolationist who's only marginally less crazy and paranoid than his father. He's also developed a bilious streak of nastiness since Trump stole the crackpot wing of the Republican Party away from the Paul family.

Bernie Sanders: A borderline fascist masquerading as a socialist who believes that all of America's wealth belongs to the government and only the government can use it wisely. He's built his support among the entitlement class that is addicted to sucking on the government teat and feeds that addiction with promises of endless government freebies. But even some Democrats are now saying he can't possibly deliver half of what he's already promised.

Hilary Clinton: With embarrassingly few concrete accomplishments in a political career that stretches back to the Nixon Administration, this coattail-riding "feminist" has an aristocratic sense of entitlement that makes Marie Antoinette look humble. She rivals Barack Obama as the biggest liar among American politicians and is, by at least an order of magnitude, the most corrupt. A pandering political android whose every utterance is focus-tested to the point where she couldn't tell the truth at gunpoint and couldn't act natural while taking a shit. Her campaign slogan might as well be, "Fuck the rules! Fuck the law! Fuck common decency! I'm a Clinton, GODDAMMIT AND IT'S MY TURN TO BE PRESIDENT!"

Description
Too many candidates and only one vote! As a public service, I'm here to straighten out this mess and clue you in as to where this crowd is REALLY aligned.

Chris Christie: A former federal prosecutor who has worked with law enforcement on the local, state, and federal level. Of all the 21st Century Presidential candidates, only Rudy Giuliani has more cred with law enforcement.

Dr. Ben Carson: A brain surgeon and devout Christian. Lacking the aggressive fire of the other candidates, he may be TOO nice to be a good President. I'd rather see him as Surgeon General. And through his religious convictions, he has revealed some shockingly ignorant viewpoints in the mind of an otherwise brilliant man.

Ted Cruz: Democrats are terrified of him because he's everything the left-wing's narrative of the Republican Party ISN'T supposed to be: young, hip, dynamic, smart, tech-savvy and a minority. Because of this, he has weathered some of the most vicious, heinous, borderline-libelous attacks directed at any candidate this year (Trump is, overall, the bigger target, but most of the what the media says about him is true). And he annoys establishment Republicans because he refuses to march to their drummer.

Jeb Bush: A successful two-term governor with a nearly bottomless campaign fund, he has nevertheless alienated conservative Republicans for reaching across the aisle too many times while governing a state where Democrats outnumber Republicans 5 to 3. He'd probably have a lot more support among moderates if his name wasn't "Bush".

John Kasich: Arguably one of the most successful governors of the past generation. He's too liberal for most Republicans and too conservative for most Democrats - which is exactly what I LIKE about him. But it's also what will prevent him from winning his party's nomination and, subsequently, the Presidency.

Donald Trump: Forget all that "make America great again" crap. Trump is a bloviating, thin-skinned, infantile, cartoon slumlord who's only interested in wealth, status and constantly fapping his colossal ego. He's only in this for the applause - and maybe to get his face carved into Mount Rushmore.

Rand Paul: Beneath his veneer of being a strict and loyal constitutionalist, he is a petty, selfish isolationist who's only marginally less crazy and paranoid than his father. He's also developed a bilious streak of nastiness since Trump stole the crackpot wing of the Republican Party away from the Paul family.

Bernie Sanders: A borderline fascist masquerading as a socialist who believes that all of America's wealth belongs to the government and only the government can use it wisely. He's built his support among the entitlement class that is addicted to sucking on the government teat and feeds that addiction with promises of endless government freebies. But even some Democrats are now saying he can't possibly deliver half of what he's already promised.

Hilary Clinton: With embarrassingly few concrete accomplishments in a political career that stretches back to the Nixon Administration, this coattail-riding "feminist" has an aristocratic sense of entitlement that makes Marie Antoinette look humble. She rivals Barack Obama as the biggest liar among American politicians and is, by at least an order of magnitude, the most corrupt. A pandering political android whose every utterance is focus-tested to the point where she couldn't tell the truth at gunpoint and couldn't act natural while taking a shit. Her campaign slogan might as well be, "Fuck the rules! Fuck the law! Fuck common decency! I'm a Clinton, GODDAMMIT AND IT'S MY TURN TO BE PRESIDENT!"