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Weiila In reply to fluttershy012 [2017-03-12 05:55:28 +0000 UTC]

I'm totally open for concrit, so can you specify what bothers you about the wording?

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fluttershy012 In reply to Weiila [2017-03-12 06:32:46 +0000 UTC]

Well, in the next chapter, I would've changed Garnet's dialogue to something more like:

"There were some paths that took us past that danger, but with every possible path I delved into, I found someone, must pay the price. But the conculsion I gained from looking into each timeline, searching for another way, was clear." 

"We needed someone, the likes of which, homeworld could not understand, could not prepare for-"

Then Steven says his piece.

Sorry if this is a little obtuse, I'm just a seasoned writer and I guess I'm a little noted when it comes to these things. It's a great comic though and I can't wait to see more of it.

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Weiila In reply to fluttershy012 [2017-03-12 07:58:20 +0000 UTC]

That would work too, though I'd be tweaking it as well to avoid having so many commas - but that's a personal preference. I do see your point though

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fluttershy012 In reply to Weiila [2017-03-12 21:00:29 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad to help with any future dialogue if you need it, though it is already very good.

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PrincessTwilight04 In reply to Fangsniper1 [2016-06-11 20:31:36 +0000 UTC]

draining her future vision?? maybe

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Weiila In reply to Fangsniper1 [2016-02-03 16:43:57 +0000 UTC]

She'll have to explain in more detail later

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Fangsniper1 In reply to Weiila [2016-02-03 16:59:25 +0000 UTC]

oh,ok.

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DarkPrinceHamlet In reply to TherealKaitekat [2016-01-07 18:45:17 +0000 UTC]

Come on, it is not as dark as well, although that's what would homeworld (doing experiments on the third eye Garnet to take vision of the future of advantage).

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Weiila In reply to TherealKaitekat [2015-11-22 12:04:33 +0000 UTC]

And we haven't even gotten to the explanation for what's going on

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