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Whozawhatcha — Fraternizing ch1
Published: 2012-03-19 01:52:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 3600; Favourites: 47; Downloads: 10
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Description Nightstalker glanced over at Starscream's back when the entire energon reserve exploded, diminishing to mere ruins by Vehicon folly. His wings perked, tensing.

"The energon," he seethed to himself. "It's worthless to me now."

Nightstalker crossed her slim arms, her own wings twitching restlessly as she stood on the gangway to the mother computer. This would set Starscream into a surly mood. She muffled a sigh. She hated to be around him at this point. She could go sneak off somewhere else . . . She wasn't actually needed in the command center, after all. Still, Nightstalker held back just for the sake of seeing this Autobot. It had been many long years since she had had a chance to get her claws on one, and today could turn out to be an exception.

She was a low class seeker, not heavily armored with metal-piercing weapons or anything that caused major amounts of damage. Nightstalker was no one's brawler, and she was never put out on the front lines. She held a position of a more . . . delicate matter, that being one of torture. She had briefly studied under Arachnid's lead for several millennia as an assistant . . . also, to replace said mentor if she was offlined or deserted, the latter of which happened.

Her name derived from her ebony armor, blackened like crusting lava. Her optics glowed stunning orange, a trade-off from the classic Decepticon red she despised. Nightstalker was of light build, classic clawed Decepticon hands, and kneecaps rounded smooth with sparse heels only about half the height of Starscream's. She held no missiles to her name, only a light machine gun in her alt mode that resided as a pop-out hand-held from her back, and a curved blade that came free of her left arm that initially looked much more menacing than she could possibly wield it.

Nightstalker was not voluptuously gifted with provocative curves, but had only sparkbearing hips and enough of an aft and rounded chest piece that designated her female. She was of sleek make, a sinister-looking tool with a wide assortment of torture tools ranging from welders, precision cutting knives, whips, barbed-wire chains, a gifted portion of some of Arachnid's unique venom, and her own personal favorite and what she specialized in, a toxic lava to melt through metal. They say that she chose her optics as blazing orange to reflect her favorite tool of her trade—and they would be correct in every way.

Still, weapons of torture weren't the only things she had installed to her. Her welder could alternately be used for healing as well. More than once she had stabilized a transformer for the Decepticons, diagnosed a bot with her scanners, or used an EMP burst to knock someone out. She knew the light extremities of keeping a bot alive, but it was for the purpose of keeping them alive longer to torture them more. She was no experienced femme in the art of medical skills, something that Knockout loved to tease her about.

She was used primarily for torture, rarely medical, but Nightstalker prided herself a little with her growing skills in hacking, infiltration, data theft, and all amounts of sabotage of vital systems. She would periodically try her hand against Soundwave because it was the quickest way to learn—could she possibly get past the NEMISIS's security systems and him to place a harmless virus that would make things run slower? Then, how long could she keep it there until Soundwave removed it with the silent deeming of her to "try again." She was curious to know that he didn't particularly care of her futile hacking skills into the NEMESIS—particularly because she didn't do anything major—and Nightstalker found that it was a good way to get some practice in. After all, with a job like torture, Nightstalker had searched for a good hobby, and needling at Soundwave every now and then was her choice.

Nightstalker turned her face towards the two Vehicons that dragged in a vaguely red Autobot coated in the dust and burns of the explosion. Hm . . . Nightstalker assessed his damages to be quite extensive, though with a few stabilizing welds he'd be ready for the torture chamber. Nightstalker stood to the side as he looked up with the typical blue optics of Autobots.

"Scream," he managed to say. "It's been a while."

She started a little on the inside. She hadn't expected him to have such a nice voice. Nightstalker brushed it off quickly, just as she had done with any other time. Sure, there had been times a handsome Autobot had been brought in chains to her dark chambers, but each had screamed their vocal processors thin and died by her hand. A nice voice was nothing new, and all Nightstalker had to do was to keep herself distant and as sinister as possible. Besides, none of them ever had anything nice to say to a Decepticon in the least.

He coughed several times, little spits of energon flying from his lips. Nightstalker frowned, silently adding to her list of wounds his internal bleeding. That would have to stop before any torture. "So," he asked Starscream. "Where's your master?"

Starscream's eyes flared in anger. "Never mind him!" he snarled. Nightstalker's gaze jumped to Starscream's frenzied optics. He was furious—he was bound to do something rash, and it was proved true when he lifted his hand. "I am my OWN master!"

"Starscream, wait!" Nightstalker found herself reaching out to grab his wrist, surprised she had managed to stop him as he turned a hissing sneer at her. He snarled in fury, slapping Nightstalker across the face. She felt her metal hinge up in defense.

"Do not EVER dare question my authority again you worthless glitch!" he shouted down at her. Nightstalker wiped her face of emotion and zeroed in on his warped face.

"Just one moment for a suggestion, my Lord," Nightstalker said, pointedly ignoring the curious eyes of the Autobot looking up at her. She kept herself carefully professional as she said, "Why kill him? He may have given some lip, but we have an Autobot captive, and we know of Optimus Prime's fatal soft streak towards his soldiers. He is nearly willing to do anything to protect his fellow followers, correct?" Starscream was still livid, but his quaking was ceasing as he peered at her. "Yes," he grumbled darkly, eyes narrowing. "Do go on."

Nightstalker shifted, not knowing exactly what she was doing or why she was doing it. "Well, we've got ourselves the perfect hostage." The red Autobot narrowed his eyes at her too, unsure what to make of her. "He's a great bargaining chip. My functions are very limited to the torture chamber, and I'm sure I can coax useful information from him, maybe such thing as the Autobot base. There's a lot to be done with a captive, so there's no need to waste it by killing him . . . yet."

Starscream made a thoughtful sound in his vocal processor, turning his red optics from Nightstalker to the red Autobot. Nightstalker kept her gaze away from that of the captive and instead fixated it on the wall.

After a long moment, Starscream barked, "Very well! Nightstalker, you're in charge of his torture until I find the most profitable way to use him." He waved a hand, turning from them. "Now get out of my sight."

Nightstalker just nodded and sent a Vehicon to fetch the closest stasis cuffs. She waved off the other Vehicon, taking the captive herself. She hauled him to his feet and forced his arms behind him, making him twitch slightly in pain before he managed to walk himself.

It was a good long walk to the designated torture chambers that had long been empty, and it was going to be much longer since the Autobot could barely keep his feet after such a beating. He shivered beneath Nightstalker's touch. The Vehicon eventually came back with the stasis cuffs, so Nightstalker fitted them to the Autobot and sent the Vehicon away. They proceeded their long walk.

After going through many twisting hallways, he finally spoke again, gracing Nightstalker with his curiously nice voice. "I don't see how you Decepticons keep all these hallways straight . . ."

Nightstalker hesitated. It would be so easy to respond. But, would they consider it fraternizing with the enemy if she made light small talk with him?

Before she could properly think it through, he gave another weak laugh. They were leaving a small trail of energon down the hall. "Nothing to say? Or afraid to fraternize with the enemy?"

Slag he was good at that. "I'm not afraid," Nightstalker said immediately to him, giving his arms a warning twist.

His shoulders tensed up at the strain she put on him, but he remained just as cocky as usual. "Well, nice to hear my captor saying something." He momentarily coughed up more energon. "I was beginning to think you'd lost the functioning in your vocal processor."

Nightstalker twisted his arms harder, managing to make him audibly grit his teeth. "You ought to be grateful I saved your life," she snarled quietly at him.

He gave the bark of a sarcastic laugh. "Grateful? I've went from a painless death to the torture chamber. Why should I, of all bots, be beholden to you?"

Nightstalker chose not to answer, wondering why she had even brought it up. Why she had even considered the option in the first place, and why she had even decided to actually follow through with it.

They were quiet for some time, the Autobot momentarily wrapped up in anger at his situation and Nightstalker for reasons she couldn't place. What HAD possessed her to save his aft? She knew it wasn't really for information, or even as a bargaining chip, but it wasn't anything deep either. It was just . . . nothing. Perhaps the voice. Was that it? She scowled in frustration to herself. It wasn't even that. She blamed it on herself. That had been the most small talk she had made with any Autobot prisoner.

Finally, after some time of silence, he said a bit wryly, "Then I supposed it'd be too much to hope that you're an Autobot agent undercover as a Decepticon?"

Nightstalker bit back a tired sigh and instead forced a cold scoff. "Now you're just desperate." He didn't respond. "And anyone in their right mind on this ship, Autobot agent or not, knows that Soundwave sees and hears everything on this ship. If you think you've got a secret, he knows it."

"I'd say that's an invasion of privacy," he muttered back.

Nightstalker shrugged as she pushed him into an elevator. She hit the button for the bottom. "Easy to say," she said without a problem. "Most consider him as dead as a computer, so they don't really care that much except for the fact that he passes on anything essential to Megatron."

Nightstalker found herself irrevocably tongue-tied again. Why was she wasting her breath? Besides that, she wasn't being as . . . cruel, as she normally was. Why force a scoff when it should be something easy and relished? Nightstalker forced away her troubled thoughts, accounting it for the many centuries without having a prisoner to torture. She must have grown soft. This will be a good way to toughen back up.

The elevator door whizzed open to the rank and dark hallways of the torture chambers. Lighting was always dim on the Decepticon mother ship, but minimal lights were spared for deep in these parts. It was utterly silent in these parts save for the Autobots staggering steps and Nightstalker's steady steps. These parts weren't cleaned either. Faint traces of spilled energon could still rot in their nasal sensors and the all around ominous feeling was enough to make a bot's plating crawl.

It didn't really matter what room she brought him into. She stopped at the fourth on the right and entered the standard code for the door before shoving the Autobot through.

She attached him to the electrical chains that would hold him steady. They magnetized to the stasis cuffs, lifting his arms automatically and bringing his body to hover above the ground, feet just dragging if he every truly gained enough strength to stand on his own. Then, Nightstalker attached the same stasis cuffs to his feet to hold him still—she had had one too many smart-aft prisoners who liked to use their legs to attack her.

"So," she was surprised to hear him ask, "why Decepticons?"

Nightstalker turned her orange eyes up to him. She arched an eyebrow. "Why Autobots?"

The red bot seemed taken aback that she had even asked. Without waiting for his reply, Nightstalker prepped her EMP burst and held it up to the Autobot's helm. She briefly knocked him out. Working quickly, she dismantled his chest plates and quickly inspected his insides, finding the trauma centered in his wiring and carefully mending his internal bleeding. With several welds to keep his energon from dripping, Nightstalker had finished her few repairs to him. Sending her own personal set of nanites through him, Nightstalker offlined his weapons, turned off his homing signals, and all other necessities. She scrambled his frequencies to keep him from onlining everything when he woke back up.

Leaving the room, Nightstalker closed the door behind her and changed the code from the standard to one of the ones she had retained for millennia. According to her scans, he would wake sometime this evening. His torture would begin then.
Related content
Comments: 52

CelestiaRose16 [2018-04-12 05:36:54 +0000 UTC]

Oh lordie, what a start! Why have I not thought of this way to start anything I write?

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FlashbackingArtist00 [2016-11-16 17:42:44 +0000 UTC]

One: This story is plain amazing, I love your way of writing and describing characters; as well Canon as OC! ^^
Two; This story has more comments than I have ever seen on a story so that proves it xD

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Starworksrly [2016-06-29 07:10:41 +0000 UTC]

Do you think I could have a link to the full story please? (Without any scenes cut out)

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FunkyMonkey19 [2014-09-01 18:50:33 +0000 UTC]

Yay! Finally found some down time to start reading your fanfics again!

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FunkyMonkey19 [2013-10-01 04:25:33 +0000 UTC]

I just finished reading One Human One Spark, loved it. I have a feeling I will love this fanfic even more. Keep up the amazing work.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to FunkyMonkey19 [2013-10-01 17:03:59 +0000 UTC]

Oho, my, be careful! This one has VERY mature themes in it!

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FunkyMonkey19 In reply to Whozawhatcha [2013-10-01 18:34:07 +0000 UTC]

Don't worry I can handle it.

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Spiritstrike91 [2013-07-05 03:55:58 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm, this is a really interesting start. Must read more then. XD

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Whozawhatcha In reply to Spiritstrike91 [2013-07-05 04:54:16 +0000 UTC]

Reading it!!

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Spiritstrike91 In reply to Whozawhatcha [2013-07-05 04:59:04 +0000 UTC]

YES! Convincing me really works. XD

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Tenshineko01 [2012-10-29 03:52:57 +0000 UTC]

Awsome intro. onto chap 2!!

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Whozawhatcha In reply to Tenshineko01 [2012-10-29 10:14:52 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

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puddlecat1 [2012-09-27 23:26:56 +0000 UTC]

You have a talent for writing! I can't wait to start reading the next one.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to puddlecat1 [2012-09-27 23:39:26 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much! ^^

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puddlecat1 In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-09-30 23:18:15 +0000 UTC]

Your welcome

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GaiaTheHedgehog15 [2012-09-14 06:33:00 +0000 UTC]

Noticed a mistake, though . . .
In the fifteenth paragraph, or seperate written-whatever-ya-call-it, you called her Teardown instead of Nightstalker.
The line was this one . . .

--> "Do not EVER dare question my authority again you worthless glitch!" he shouted down at her. Teardown wiped her face of emotion and zeroed in on his warped face.

Just thought I'd better let you know, save new peeps readin' it and gettin' a tad confused. XD

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Whozawhatcha In reply to GaiaTheHedgehog15 [2012-09-14 10:03:39 +0000 UTC]

Fixed.

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ArticWolfdragon [2012-06-15 16:07:25 +0000 UTC]

Looks to be interesting. Can't wait to see your next bit to see were you take this.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to ArticWolfdragon [2012-06-16 00:48:18 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much! (ps, it's already continued (unless you just came back to the first chapter to comment) and you can follow the links)

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ArticWolfdragon In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-06-16 02:44:16 +0000 UTC]

Wellcome. Yea, XD I noticed after commenting the "Next" link.

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LizzieIndigo [2012-03-24 03:12:58 +0000 UTC]

I couldn't help but have a read over the reviews. While JazZeke does offer some good points, I think their attempting to enforce too much of their own opinion into the story and this I disagree with greatly.
Here we have a situation of technical sci fi writer meets romantic writer... if it were up to me I'd guess it was a classic writer battle of Rational Vs Idealist. And when it comes to Sci Fi... its something Rational writers (yes from his writing style I've typed JazZeke as a Rational... how bad am I! XD!) are very passionite about... its like... their thing... because they're all into the more technical stuff. Their hiccup (and something they generally don't see the point in) is relatable chacters. Aliens/robots or not, readers like characters they can relate to... so ones with Human aspests to them (ie Romance, love, betrayal etc). Characters is something we Idealists are great at... we're natural character writers.

What I am trying to say here is that your writing style and your characters are your strengths, you style has always been known to have a hit of romance through it. Its something you excel in so I'd say continue with your style. The only thing I have to point out is perhaps spreading out your character description throughout the story rather than introducing them in one huge lump. That give the character a little bit more mystery. When we first meet someone we don't know everything about them all at once, getting to know them takes time... is the same with writing characters too !
Anyways! Great work and keep it up! I totally want to see this on the TransFiction community!

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JZLobo In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-26 06:33:31 +0000 UTC]

Uh, excuse me, but I believe you're making unfair assumptions about me. Never once have I criticized characterization. I am NOT one of those "robots go boom" type of readers. I am all about characterization and relatable characters. Beast Wars is my favorite Transformers cartoon for this very reason, and Nick Roche is my favorite Transformers writer. The majority of my own fanfics are character studies, not action pieces. In fact one of my Transformers fanfics got a Daily Deviation, and it was a character piece about TFA Optimus and Blackarachnia.

What I am saying is that there are many ways to flesh out a character's personality without romance. I honestly believe that romance has become cheapened and watered down with its overusage in storytelling media. There is revenge, inner turmoil, overcoming trauma, etc. Friendship! Hardly anyone ever writes about friendship! And when it's depicted in media someone always twists it into romance no matter how little it makes sense.

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LizzieIndigo In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-26 07:05:41 +0000 UTC]

Hahah I had this argument with my editor a while ago… except the other way around XD. He wanted my two mains to hook up romantically and I was all nooooo! Booo hiss!

Wasn’t meaning to step on any toes. ^^. I wasn’t dissing either of your writings either, everyone has their own writing style even within a genre. I wouldn’t be caught dead writing something super technical because I know how poorly I would do at it, (I know a hard core sci fi author who has the mind for that… the science in the scenes he can set up are incredible!).

In my humble opinion however, and having read a lot of ~whatayamacholit ’s stuff plus considering her age… she’s gonna be ruling the writing world by the time she’s 20! And while I’m not discouraging her away from exploring other avenues, Action-Romance writing is most definitely one of her strengths. There is a lot of money to be had in romance.

Btw congrads on the DD! That’s super impressive, esp being a fan fiction piece and all ^^.

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JZLobo In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-26 07:36:17 +0000 UTC]

"Either"? I've written over thirty Transformers fanfics, of just about every genre. You keep making assumptions about me, and they're all way off base. You could try looking through my gallery before you make any decisions on what I can and can't do.

It may be that romance is her strength, but she won't make it long in the Transformers community if that's the case. And she's not going to stand out since that's what everyone tries to write about. There's nothing wrong with a decent romance in a story, but when writers interject it as a subplot in just about every movie and book in an attempt to pander to the percieved desires of the female demographic, then it loses its impact. It becomes cheapened, watered-down.

And as a result, I honestly believe young adults gain unrealistic expectations and misperceptions by the time they're old enough to have relationships of their own. Their heads are filled with the ides that finding your life mate is easy, simple, and requiring no real work at all. My parents have been married for over 30 years and they still argue. Love between two people involves meshing two separate lives together. That requires work. Compromise. Effort. Labor. You don't just get married and everything is perfect for the rest of your life, like novels and movies imply.

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LizzieIndigo In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-26 07:58:25 +0000 UTC]

"Either" = you and whatayamacholit.

Bravo! Loved your arguemnt, it was great, I honetly can't top that... I just wish I could use you to talk some sense into my eternally-seeking-new-flames/romances-ex-husband. .
Though I do have to argue that even in the Transformers community the feedback whatayamacholit recieves on her work doesn't lie with regards to how far she is making it.

My oringal thoughts on you haven't changed, I still think you're a Rational ... thats not a bad thing, I absolutely adore Rationals (the greatest Science Fiction writers are Rationals). If that is in fact the case then you would be incredibly hard on yourself (more so than you appear to be on less mature writers). I'm hoping that Transformers isn't the only thing you write about, do you have some of your own work out there? (please say yes please say yes)

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JZLobo In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-26 17:32:06 +0000 UTC]

Ah, I apologize for misunderstanding and getting defensive. This is just something of a hotbutton topic for me due in part to my own relationship experience.

I have written a number or original stories as well. If you'd like a compilation of my current favorites, check the list I have in here: [link]

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LizzieIndigo In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-27 01:47:28 +0000 UTC]

Ah yes I can understand that. I guess the greatest thing about our experiences (whether good or bad) is the fact that we can ultimately learn from them .

Thanks for the link! I'll be sure to check them out .

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JZLobo In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-27 03:17:06 +0000 UTC]

I hope you do! And I apologize for being snappish in the beginning. I've had bad experiences with "white knights" in the past and I got defensive about it.

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LizzieIndigo In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-27 03:34:45 +0000 UTC]

LOL! Stop apologising, seriously, its toally fine. . I'm sorry for being presumptuous. I have this need to try and profile people. Esp the ones I find interesting, so take it as a compliment. Besides I love a good challenge. Anyone who can rise to that and effectively put me in my place has my total respect. Just don't tell whatayamacholic that we have completely comendeered the first chapter of her fan fiction.

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JZLobo In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-27 03:47:18 +0000 UTC]

Your secret is safe with me.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to LizzieIndigo [2012-03-24 13:51:28 +0000 UTC]

Ha ha . . . That makes good sense. And I also think he just does NOT support any kind of OC x Canon pairing
Either way, thanks! Yep the only thing I really put good thought into was the character dump thing because I knew I was dumping it. I've always been one of those "just gimme what I need to know and get it out the way so I can focus!" types, but since I've already done it, I won't change it. I'd probly end up doing that differently anyways because I never do the same type of thing twice
It was fun entertainment to humor him and see what things he had to say!

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LizzieIndigo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 23:03:21 +0000 UTC]

Yes, absolutely !

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JZLobo [2012-03-23 03:28:12 +0000 UTC]

Paragraphs and paragraphs of information about the character which lift the reader out of the narrative is technically called an "infodump." It's not considered a good thing. If you want to describe your character, sparse it out throughout the story as it is relevant.

Though I stopped reading at "Nightstalker was not voluptuously gifted with provocative curves, but had only sparkbearing hips and enough of an aft and rounded chest piece that designated her female." and just skimmed from there. We don't need to hear overly-detailed descriptions of your OC's sexuality, especially if it's over-anthropomorphization of an alien robot.

Technique-wise, your writing is decent, your descriptive language is good. You just need to... put it to better use, so to speak.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-23 15:46:36 +0000 UTC]

Okay, thanks for the tips! I'm working hard to improve my writing skills

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-23 16:50:01 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. I just want to see more quality fanfiction around here. If I may offer one last piece of advice, I would say drop the romance angle. It makes your character more of a Mary Sue. An OC doesn't have to be romantically tied to any canon to make them interesting. There are many, many more interesting characterization devices than making a character co-dependent on another. And "romance" has become cheapened with its prevalency - watered-down.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-23 17:00:18 +0000 UTC]

That's very true, but lots of people have a romance angle. Right now it's got a romance slant, but that wasn't quite what I was shooting for there . . . Well, I guess that means I can still improve much more

This is one of the main reasons I write fanfictions so I can get people commenting and helping me improve

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-23 17:07:55 +0000 UTC]

That's exactly the thing, lots of people do it. Too many. It's become cliche.

If I may suggest a story with one of my own OCs, you can clearly see how easy it is to write something without romance. "Alien warrior robots" can provide so many plot concepts without having to resort to overly-humanizing them or romanticizing them.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-23 17:27:15 +0000 UTC]

Cliche or not, I'm a naturally mushy person. I doubt that's ever going to change. While the source of my story is to have Nightstalker fall in love with Cliffjumper, it definitely isn't happening anytime soon. I want to develop her as a character, and round her out. As another side note, Cliffjumper is a thing with Arcee yet though it's not that clear.

I've only read two chapters, but this is really good! Makes me feel like I can't write . . . Ah well, this is why I practice. And you like the word "pandemonium." I've read it several times, but it's a good word

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-23 21:24:53 +0000 UTC]

Well, nothing wrong with being mushy. I enjoy a good romance plot myself, but only if it's done well and not just forced into another story arbitrarily.

And thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying that story. I've written a succession of sequels as well, so if you would like to follow Gunslinger's story just let me know and I'll show you which ones to read next.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-23 23:46:16 +0000 UTC]

Hm . . . Well, what makes you think it's forced? Arbitrarily? Ah, not one of those "love at first sight" believers? Everything has to have a big driving reason behind it?


Heh, yeah, I think I might return for more of your stories

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 00:54:19 +0000 UTC]

I'm not a believer no, but I won't rule it out as impossible for all people. But I am not a big fan of forcing romantic relationships onto other peoples' characters. It feels... disrespectful.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-24 01:09:30 +0000 UTC]

Hmm . . . Okay. Okay. Can you tell me how I'm forcing it? Am I forcing it because I've chosen to write a fanfiction about my OC falling in love with another person's character without really asking their permission first? Is that how I'm forcing it?
Would you have been more supportive if it had been two of my own characters and not "borrowing" another's character?

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 01:31:09 +0000 UTC]

Let me ask something. Does the canon character ever reciprocate those feelings in your story? Whether they do or not is very different.

If it had been two of your own characters, my comments about cliche would still apply, but I would not have minded so much regarding characterization. You can do whatever you want with your own characters.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-24 01:39:52 +0000 UTC]

Then yes, I think you're going to tell me that I'm forcing it because I plan to have those feeling reciprocated. At least, that's the plan right now. My plans tend to change the more I write because I may find that this or that may be better to elaborate on than what was originally planned

Okay, I suppose that makes sense

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 01:55:25 +0000 UTC]

Well, I suppose Cliffjumper is rather a blank slate since he was only on the show for about five minutes. But still, latching your OC onto a canon character as some kind of romantic "parasite" is the bane of most fanfictions and a good reason why most people look down on fanfiction.

I recommend looking at the "Canon Character Relationships" section on this page.

I want to repeat, you're a good writer technique-wise. You have a way with words. It's your pacing and, more importantly, the content of what you're writing about that needs improvement.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-24 02:19:25 +0000 UTC]

Going so far as to deem Nightstalker "parasite" (even if just a term, what the term implies) kinda stings some.

As for the "Canon Character Relationships" after careful consideration, I don't know if Nightstalker falls under that except for the fact that she kinda IS a wish full-filler. I didn't want Cliffjumper to die, and thus, I bring in Nightstalker.

Many look down on fan fiction, yes, because they spawn from things like this, but many also really enjoy fan fiction because they spawn from things like this. I think it's honestly a pretty 50-50 street there.

Also, I find it interesting that you're the only person who's got a negative review of Fraternizing. I've gotten extremely positive reviews on it, but I'm also kinda glad I've got you questioning things about it because it helps even the playing field some.

And once again, back to why I write fan fiction--to better my writing. Everyone starts from somewhere, and there's no way to get better unless you practice. And fan fiction provides the excellent opportunity to practice as well as get feedback on it (such as you).
I've heard from many people my technique is good, I just struggle with effective content that really hits. That's also why I didn't just have Nightstalker be some random Autobot that shows up and fall back on the norm. I tried to step out of my comfort zone and go for enemy torturer instead as a refreshing take

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 03:04:50 +0000 UTC]

Sorry, I didn't mean to call your character in particular a parasite. That's just how I view canon/OC pairing in general. But I didn't mean to insult your character in particular... I should have expressed myself more clearly.

I write fanfiction to better my own skills too. Of course, it's okay to make mistakes. But that's why I'm pointing out the problems I see, so you can learn what not to do the next time around.

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Whozawhatcha In reply to JZLobo [2012-03-24 03:10:38 +0000 UTC]

^^ It's alright. Anyway thanks for talking to me, it's been an eye opener to another's thoughts!

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JZLobo In reply to Whozawhatcha [2012-03-24 03:17:40 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. I know what it's like to desire feedback so I give it when I see someone who needs it.

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Trickster91 [2012-03-19 13:53:06 +0000 UTC]

I am really liking were this is going. Is Nightstalker an OC of yours? This definitely caught my attention. Keep up the good work.

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