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WickedWriter — Disability
Published: 2011-06-24 00:34:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 431; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 7
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Description
Once I walked in the door, that smell filled my nose. I never really like this smell, it was supposed to be clean yet the smell of death always managed to cling to the air. My eyes surveyed the surroundings, so many people rushing about. Always rushing but always so quiet. My heart beat faster and faster I as I approached my destination, I could feel the beating in my chest. It hammered so fierce I felt like it was about to explode. My wife was busy talking to one of the doctors, once he saw me his hand reached out. I shook it out of politeness but it was cold, not just temperature wise. He spoke a few quick words in which I could not comprehend before leaving.My wife looked at me with smile, I saw right behind her was my child's room. I could feel my brain slowing, not wanting to acknowledge that this was real. My wife moved her hands too fast for me to understand before turning and walking into the room. I followed with my mouth drying out. This scene stopped my heart. My son was talking to his mother and hearing her for the first time. The device just above his ear gave him something that I lacked. My heart broke upon seeing this, he was now outcast from my community yet can never fit into the real world. Yet, why should they have listened to me in the first place, after all its a "disability".
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Comments: 14
Kudos for tackling this topic--have you seen the documentary 'Sound and Fury' (may not be the exact title)? This is exactly what it's about: the conflicts in a deaf family when the issue of being able to get a cochlear implant comes up.
Since you're wanting to focus on the issue of the kid having a cochlear, I'd try to bring that more out at the beginning. You keep saying he doesn't understand what's being said to him throughout this, which adds to the context of the kid leaving his world, but it also seems unlikely--why would a doctor who's working on his family talk to him, since it's likely they'll know he's deaf (or if, doing so, why would he move his mouth too fast for the man to be able to lipread)? As well with the wife signing too quickly--maybe he shouldn't be able to understand it because he's dazed?
And if you want to make the point that being deaf is more complicated than just not being able to hear, how about heightening some of the other senses? For instance, he could notice the details of the doctor's expression conveying the coldness, as opposed to it just being there. This piece seems like it's focusing entirely on the negatives of being deaf--which, of course, is how people who are convinced cochlear implants are necessary probably see it--but seeing it from a proud member of the deaf community would be interesting.
Anyway, way to tackle a very complex issue in so few words, and thanks for participating
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Yeah I have seen it. We watched it in my ASL class, I thought it was a good documentary.
Its not that the doctor is moving his mouth too fast to be able for him to lipread, since that would be the only way the doctor would be able to communicate with him, it was suppose to be that he is in kind of a daze and not comprehending whats actually going on. Same with the wife, since he is deaf it would be almost impossible to sign too fast. I'll see if I can find a way to make it more obvious of his state that he's in.
Thank you for your suggestions, I think I will mull them over for a bit and try to improve this piece. And thanks for the comment and for hosting such a fun workshop.
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Wow. This one is really powerful and captures the father's feelings well.
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Thank you, I'm glad I was able to make the tone come through. ^_^
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Oh, what an interesting topic! Reminds me of something, but I can't remember what. A TV show? Hmm. Either way, a toughie to tackle; way to go for picking something like this!
Just a couple of oversights: "it was suppose to be clean yet" should be "it was supposed to be clean, yet" and "heartbeat" should be two words since you're using it as a noun and a verb rather than a singular noun.
I like "once he saw me, his hand reached out. I shook it out of politeness." That sounds genuine, and I can totally relate.
I didn't realize he was deaf until the end, so maybe consider mentioning the silence around him or something in the beginning to set the frame unless you were going for the sneak attack, which works too. I'm not entirely sure I understand the ending; the child is deaf, so he's already disabled before he gets the cochlear; is the father troubled about the device kind of announcing to the world that his son is disabled, or is he jealous because his son is being allowed to experience what he can't? Either way is great, I'm just not clear on how I should feel at the end.
Kudos for going with this, it's a clever idea! And yes, you should definitely start writing more.
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Thank you for the comment. I fixed the errors thanks for pointing them out. You may have seen it on scrubs I know they did an episode about cochlear implants but it didn't really touch on the topic as much.
I was trying to make it subtle that he was deaf, the line "Always rushing but always so quiet" was a little hint, also his wife talking with her hands. I may add another line to give more of a hint but I'll have to think on it.
I guess to understand the ending you would have to know about deaf culture, I took ASL for 2 years and loved the culture. In deaf society an implant is a disgrace. They don't see that being deaf is a disability and therefore shouldn't be corrected. Children who get implants are considered no longer part of the deaf world since they view their deafness and an illness. On the flip side children who get implants are not fully part of the hearing world either since they were born deaf and need a device to hear. So he is sad that not only does his wife and son think of deafness as an illness but now his son has an implant and is an outcast to both deaf and hearing societies.
Thank you!
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Ahh, that makes sense, then!
And anytime!
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ohhh <3 I believe whatever disability a person has..they have no right to be treated differently especially as outcasts..they are still people too and deserve to be treated like others..equally..Even though it seems sad I love the mood of this
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Thank you very much I am glad you liked it.
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Cool little scene, I like the premise that he's seeing his son hear with mixed emotions. Might wanna double check the last sentence...I think you're missing a few words in there.
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Thanks for letting me know ^_^ Thanks I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thank you for the comment.
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finally was waiting for you to get back to writing, you ever finish your shadow on the moon?
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Thanks! No, I haven't finished it yet. I really want to but I uploaded a new chapter and didn't really get much of a response so I've had no real motivation. I still want to finish it though, maybe I will find some time this summer to work on it. I've got a couple other things I want to work on as well. Hopefully I'll actually get to find time to work on something this summer.
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