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wislingsailsmen — sour times
by-nc-nd
Published: 2011-07-12 17:00:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 169; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
25 Artistic and RomanticReflecting on his life
Laying in bed
Staring at the popcorn ceiling
His girlfriend hasn't the time
Her family gets the prime spot
What started as love and devotion
Led to troubles and struggles
Which turned into fighting and hating
And now forcing sour times
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Comments: 7
I found your aritists comment has more impact than the poem. The idea is a good one, but this doesn't feel like a poem to me- it feels very list like and we can't connect to this as a reader. It lacks emotion, it lacks imagery and I seriously think that you could create a better poem from the image of you staring at the ceiling after this argument. Think why are you starting, what are you seeing in the ceiling? Show us and share.
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sounds like a part 2 is in order huh?
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remember poems dont have to rhyme so yeah
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No, but they have to have some kind of poetic tecnique. Otherwise they're just poorly punctuated prose with linebreaks. SeewhatIdidtherewiththealliteration?
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ok then its something atleast lol
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