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withoutane — Who needs heroin
Published: 2002-08-08 09:51:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 93; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 11
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Description
who needs heroinI've been up all night
and I nod off when things get slow
who needs heroin.
no woman gets more than a glance
from me and I won't go to see musicians
even my favorites and I can't find the time to read
shakespeare and the others, my pulse is pounding
for the computer of all things
grinning big, the mouse
wrapped and wrapped around my arm
and in between my teeth. Who needs heroin
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Comments: 3
It's more akin to crack, as far as I'm concerned. If you are tying off with the mouse cable, what are you shooting with?
Strange to say (for a poem of this length)...but it's a little wordy. Yet the idea is solid. Very solid.
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well the thing to do was clear, simply cut the computer line straight out, which is what I'm about to go do. Oh wait... I'm not at home but if I was that would be what I was about to do. Thanks aviv
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that's so terribly accurate, it makes me ashamed to be sitting here typing this. i could take a really disturbing picture about it, or a really silly one.
i dont like the line "for the computer of all things" i think it's better to let the reader figure it out by themselves when the mouse part comes. i dont know exactly how to say what i do like.. the line breaks are really well placed and i like the punctuation and i like the entire setup of the second stanza or however you say, or third maybe, the one about worman and books and music.
if you worked on this more you might ruin it but you could also hit on something really good. i dont think its worth the risk but you might. i really dig this one sam.
~l
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