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wqlf — vent/ignore
Published: 2015-06-21 08:06:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 610; Favourites: 40; Downloads: 0
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i will stash later but i need somewhere to rant a LOT so im gonna use this ... thngits like 4 am i hate this i COMPLETELY fucked up my sleep schedule and i am such a wreck
i love my best friend. like i really want to date her and i just want to spend time with her and kiss her and be close to her but im just trash im not even close to good enough for her ohymgod
i kind of feel like i am a terrible person. constantly. i get away with doing bad things that i shouldnt and im just terrible.
also i??? hate fire alpaca. i made a literal SHIT TON. like a whole ART DUMP like a 10000 by 18000 or more canvas full of shit and it shut down and i lost it all. like a lot of rlly nice stuff i mean its my fault for not saving buT IT'D BE NICE TO HAVE AN ART PROGRAM THAT DOESNT CONSTANTLY SHIT ITSELF
i dont get why everyone thinks im so great or even why everyone thinks im this unapproachable person surrounded by friends and happiness and money or whatever i mean MY ART ISNT EVEN GOOD ANYMORE
it is LITERAL TRASH. it used to be kinda unique but it was still ABSOLUTE SHIT. and now it's just??? i dont even know, no onw wants my designs anymore theyre fucking terrible
and like i mentioned way before i rlly miss my best friend and just kinda all my other friends
my whole life is falling apart and i literally cant do shit
i love my best friend, and all my current irl friends so much (megan, spencer, savan, tabby, joe squirrel, etc.) but i am leaving LITERALLY ALL OF THEM because im going to a SHITTY FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC HIGHSCHOOL that EVERYONE lied to me about because they thought it would be 'BETTER FOR ME' or it offered a better art program or some shti??/ i dont even know, and i cant go back to my original highschool because my FUCKING DAD IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND HE WANTS ME TO GO TO THE SAME HIGHSCHOOL HE DID cause its supposed to be 'so great and accepting' but i am TERRIFIED. out of my mind
my mom and dad thought my current school (WHERE IM SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE I LOVE WHO ARE ALL SIMILAR TO ME AND ACCEPTING OF ME) would make me depressed and isolate me for being different and they thought that might make me suicidal or depressed but the real thing thats going to LITERALLY MAKE ME KILL MYSELF is THE FUCKIGN STRESS OF GOING TO A TOTALLY NEW SCHOOL WHERE I KNOW... NO ONE. i dont know. one. damn. piece of shit at this new school. aside from logan and he's a grade above me and i dont even?? know if we will ever taLK? WE ARENT EVEN DECENT FRIENDS I FUCKING HATE THIS. the worst part is im going to leave megan like everyone else did and i dont want to be that i want to stay with her for the rest of my life really she makes me so happy. i've only got like 30,000 points idk. i waste tons of my own money on clothes i dont rlly need.
tbh i am not really pretty. nor am i in shape. i'm like 5'3 at most and i weigh like 100 pounds roughly and i hate excersize
not to mention my cat. she's still dead. cant un-hit by a car by fucking cat. i cry every time i think about her almost. i CRY EVERY TIME I TOUCH A CAT THAT IS EVEN REMOTELY SIMILAR TO HER. aka i burst into tears whenever i pet a cat wiTH FUR HAHAHA.. i would've rather had my grandpa die than her HE'S A FUCKING SEXIST PIECE OF SHIT I HATE HIM.... he ruins my grandmas life, he has emotionally abused her all their life and even physically i think once /??? and now he is keeping her stuck down in fucking florida with him and he has so many medical issues it'd be so much better for EVERYONE if he just DIED. he is literally just WAITING to die and being a burden to EVERYONE AND HE IS MISERABLE AND HE PROBABLY WOULD RATHER FUCKING DIE.
that was a lot of personal information but it just feels better to type it all out yeah idk
stalkers read this while you can cause im definitely taking it down later
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Comments: 33
*PLEASE READ PUPPUPS*
Hey i understand where your coming from on this. I love someone who im to scared to tell cuz i feel like he can do better, being the adorable nerd he is, and what its like to transfer schools leaving everyone behind. It sucks it truely does. If you need to talk to me im here. Being depressed and suicidal isnt fun, ive been down that road for a while. And being depressed has lead me into cutting and i with i could go back and change it. Just know you can always talk to me even though we dont know each other.
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don't beat yourself up about this
you only have a few years of high school. youll get through them- you have to.
and i say you have to because of megan. when you go to college (if you even choose to), see if you could go to one with dorms and whatnot so you're away from your family. then maybe, you could try to contact with her during or after it; contact your other friends, too.
i dont wanna just say that it'll all be better soon, because thats a fucking lie.
there's two ways this could go.
you could lie about how youre genderfluid, a lesbian, etc, at your new school, and try to make it through. but that way will be sickening for you. its exactly what you said- you do bad things and get away with them, but dont we all? if there wasn't such a thing as society, we would all be doing things but nobody would be considering them "bad". we're all terrible people on the inside. we just refuse to do the actions needed to make us a terrible person on the outside.
the second way is to be truthful. to tell anybody who asks. but that way, the adults/parents/guardians might get together and see if there's a way to change you. that'll also make you miserable.
either way you choose, its just going to get more and more fucked up along the way, but if you're still alive by the time you're legally an adult, then you can still get away from them. get away from all of the people who decided that pushing their own beliefs and choices onto you.
but if you decide to kill yourself, okay. i understand if you do that- we all have a point in life where all we want to do is just get away from it all, and suicide is the easy way out.
but imo, people who committed suicide are wimps. they just want to waste everything that they've ever done, and everything somebody else has everr done for them.
also, if none of us knew what the feeling of being terrible and miserable is, then that meant we wouldnt have feeling at all. we would just be happy all the time and everything would be dull. these times in life are just little specks which you'll be able to look back at them and laugh.
honestly im not that good with advice. i say a lot of stuff people dont want to hear. but i hope ive changed your mind from whatever you were thinking to do. but if not, then so well. have a day.
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i wasnt going to commit suicide i was just writing this to maybe stop me from hurting myself. thanks though u guess for caring in your own shitty way.
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eh well there was a lot of talk about it so shrug
ye youre welcome and hope you get better
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i said once that it was bothering me and id rather kill myself but im too weak to do that and i dont want to disapoint my parents so i will carry out my miserable existence
i sound so angsty lol
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ye- a lotta people are weak so dont like idk be,, annoyed about it ?? idk
and yeah, your parents force a lot onto you but im glad you still love them i guess
nah its alright
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okay okay
you're not a terrible person
you are a wonderful person
and youre a wonderful artist
a wonderful designer
a wonderful friend
and you're going to a new highschool, but you and your friends are all still on earth
you might make new friends maybe you could try to talk to the people that hate the school too maybe theyll relate
im not saying you should be happy about any of the stuff thats happening
but the fact that you mentioned suicide makes us worrried
please dont do anything stupid
you only have a couple years left of highschool left , or like
whatever just
its only going to be an annoying memory in a whilee
and you can still keep in touch with your friends, somewhat right?
you're not off the planet,,, over summer or smth you could meet more ,, or something
and 'pretty' is just an opinion tbh
we all think you're pretty
you'll only 'become pretty' when you realize you are?? sorry that sounds reallly stupid but its true
and the thing with your cat is still horrible
im afraid thats the thing that only goes away with time
i think you can fix your sleep schedule if you turn any artificial light off before night time
so its like youre in the wildernesss... allthough that might not be super easy
im glad you feel better for typing this
you're not a wreck;;
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I'm rlly sorry about all of this ;n;
feel better soon pup ._. <333
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...I hope you get better...
I just read this all (I am not a stalker but I hate seeing people sad..),and I have to say your life is freakin' hard right now . But I just want to say something,about that part where you say your art is shit , that is really really false! Everybody likes your art! When I first got on your page,I was like OMMMMG her art is so awesome , and then was like "I found a new idol!" And I am still at that point . Your designs are fantastic ! 1 week ago I even copied them(a bit) for practice ! You are NOT shit , remember that , I don't know you personally, but please cheer up! You can still stay in contact with your friends with Skype! I know it's different , but , for example, I move houses each four years , and each time , I cry the a lot ....when I have to say goodbye to my friends I don't let them behind , and they don't to!Sorry if this advice is useless...
I really hate seizing people sad , especially artists like you , you look like an amazing person..
Good luck ....
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im sorry
life is totally shit rn for a lot of other ppl to
like im going into highschool and i wont even be with my friends???
i doubt they care though they are so absorbed in themselves,,
plus my gf/ish went back to her old gf who is a bitch and p selfish ??? like
man everything is fucked and im not on the same level as you but i feel you
im sorry i hope you make friends,,, plus IM LITERALLY you like
im 5" 3' and 100/ish pounds and sports nO WAY
man i think while you can you should just make lil hints @ your bff u kno?? you love her and if you show it i mean its not guranteed she'll be wanting you but you need to get that shit off your chest,,,
im not gonna say you can note me an shit bc evry1 says that but literally if u want to literally just rant @ me
try to focus on the goods in life, like your bff and your other friends,,, you also have a p nice community <333
feel better aight??? also sleep
bc it's 4:33 for me to and im like the opposite of turnt ////
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waiting for summer to end so my life can go to hell :3
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do you need any support or would you rather be left alone?
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hey I love your art its no where near trash hun its really hard to reset you sleep clock(trust me its happened many times with me) sometimes when you cant sleep write in a sleep journal write whats keeping you up it could help and if you ever need a ear I am here for you
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no problem hun (sorry for the late reply been playing my new game hard)
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If you need someone to talk to I'm here ahhh ;o; you can add me on skype or note me whenever orsmth
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