TipOn-MyTongue [2008-09-21 01:42:06 +0000 UTC]

I see seretonin pulsing through these eyes of fire

the cornerstone it seems another self important liar
(u changed the subject from the eyes of fire to a cornerstone being a liar, it kinda confuses me as to what this poem is about)
this temple to crumble to dirt return

with nothing gained, with nothing learned
( good lines but i cant see the connection to eyes fire or seretonin)
just another sheep, another waste

maybe remembered maybe replaced

third eye's poetry

slowly atrophied

again

Overall it feels fractured like you should add a sense of direction but that's just me.
But the feeling of this poem is good i think if you could keep the rhythm and add a precise subject it would be great.

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TipOn-MyTongue [2008-09-19 06:00:03 +0000 UTC]

I don't like line by line just the overly feel like a steady imbalnces

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TipOn-MyTongue [2008-09-19 04:38:38 +0000 UTC]

dope shit i get the tool references.
Whats the poem about?

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