HOME | DD
writeaload — Burn Dad.
Published: 2009-06-09 23:02:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 32; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
She had the power to see what's not shown.She knew this was her final hour in what was called 'Home'
She felt the world was just to harsh,
on that cold day, in mid-March.
She slid the noose around her neck,
hope her pulse, they did not check.
She prayed her father wouldn't see
and recall all their memories.
She wished he hurt as bad
as she had, when he was mad.
She left a note saying that,
“I'm gonna see mom soon, dad.
And I'll tell her all you've done.
All you called, good clean fun.
I'll kiss her cheek and smile big.
And hope you burn in Hell, you pig.
Comments: 10
well well well.
sneaking around in the bathroom again are we?!
i've done it several times meself...
this poem is kind of like a bitch slap...to the girls father. and i approve of that.
i think the only thing that i can really say is that the second line of the first stanza is slightly awkward. it could flow better, i think...i can't really give a suggestion on how to reword...because i also think the first stanza is incredibly ambiguose, which is another potential problem.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hm. I'll see what I can do. I kinda liked the first two lines, to be frank. >_>
Oh, I think I got something.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
then keep it! im not holding a knife to you or anything! (when i first typed that out, Biscuit was put there instead of knife. my brain is wierd, oO)
oh, oh!
what is it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Haha, I already changed it. Go read the poem again dorky.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hmmm I can not give you any "fix this" or "sounds better this way". You are a far better writer than I.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Truly, and deeply, I both disagree with you. And thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aw and Your welcome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
