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I rolled over, groggy from yet another night of fitful, yet longed for, sleep. The first thing I did was reach under the brown and white stripped pillow that cushioned my heavy head. I fumbled around, my fingers searching for my phone. My anchor to sanity, I finally found it. Pulling it out from under my pillow I saw no lights from it. I plugged it in, thinking it had died during the night.
I made my way to the end of my shaken bed. The comforter, soft and brown, welcomed me back in to fight for another half hour of dreams and darkness. I fought the urge to just lay back, and pray the black would consume my mind. Instead, I searched for the cord that would charge my phone, at the end of my bed. Finally, once found, I was able to plug it in. And the little light at the top of the screen went green.
“Damn.” I mumbled to myself. It wasn't dead, but no new text messages, either. Not entirely unexpected, but still. A girl can hope. I laid back into the light brown comforter, snuggling into it. I didn't want to get out of bed, but neither did I want to go back to sleep. Instead, I laid there for a bit longer, until deciding I needed to get a start on the day.
I sort of fell out of my warm haven, onto the stained tan carpet. Stained from the dogs, my sister, and my cat. It wasn't rough, just right on my always cold feet. I walked the half step to my dresser, and pulled out a pair of old jeans, some ratty t-shirt and undergarments. I tucked all these things away under my arm and shut off the light on my way out of my room.
I grabbed a towel on the short walk to my bathroom, shared with my older sister. I put the clothing on the counter, and the towel on the towel rack. Stripping down to nothing, I turned on the shower head. As my sisters preferences, it was at the wide spray. I immediately changed it to the concentrated nosel. I twirled around in the hot water, washing my body in the same order as everyday. Hair, body, legs, arms. And repeat. The whole time, I did this as a robot. Knowing the moves, not caring much about them. Thinking instead, or even praying, that by the time I got out of the shower I would walk into the darkness that my room is currently bathed in, and see a red light. Flashing out, drawing me in, hypnotizing me nearly so. Falling into a pool of red, looking only for that light, and what that light meant. She answered.
I arose myself out of my shower coma, and quickly dressed myself. Slipping and sliding whist trying to put a foot out the end of my pant leg. And then the other. Running out of the bathroom, still trying to put my old t-shirt on. I flung the old white door open, to see nothing but darkness. As I gazed into the darkness, it seemed like it would consume me. Like it did consume me. I cared about nothing anymore, but the words I knew I would not get to see. I shut the door, and I walked away.