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“You know I can't tell them, Emily!” She yelled through the phone. I could hear her on the verge of tears. “And I have to go my brother just walked in.” She was whispering so low. It made my heart hurt to hear.
“Love you babe.” I hung up the phone and walked to my closet door. I opened it up and closed the door behind me. I sat down and began to cry. I cried because she wouldn't tell anyone for me. For us. She wouldn't tell anyone that I was more in love with her than she could think. Than she could know. But it had to be a secret. Only from everyone. Except the two of us and my big sis. No one could know other than us. The fact that we were dating.
Its not like that would be okay any way. Everyone would leave her and me. She was the co-captain of the dance team dating the equestrian team captain? That wouldn't work. No, she was dating one of the best players on the baseball team. So it was a secret. And it killed me that she was dating him as well as me. And this time I couldn't say anything. If I did, I would lose her for good. And then I wouldn't be able to keep my heart beating.
“Emmy?” I heard my sister call, followed by a little knock, and my door opening. I could see her coming towards me through the crack in between the two doors. She sat down directly in front of me on the other side of the door.
“Emmy?” She said quietly. “Emmy, did she say no?” she leaned her forehead up against the door.
“yes.” I said it just so she could hear me. I didn't want her be able to hear the tears clogging my throat. If she knew I was crying she would invade my space. This had been the spot I would hide in forever. When my dog ran away, when my parents died. Every time something went wrong, I came to my closet.
“Emmy, why do you put up with her? I mean she treats you like crap. You could do so much better.” Sarah said that all the time.
“Then why is it so hard to keep her?” at these last words I sobbed audibly. She opened the swinging doors and grabbed my shoulders. I sat there hugging my knees and her hugging my shoulders. I knew the situation from the start. She had been dating him for three months. But we had been in love since sophomore year. I asked her out in a way that she couldn't say no. We are the real deal. We are going to the same college, getting an apartment together. We had plans. They were just screwing in his car everyday before he had to go to practice.
We stayed there for a long time. Rocking and her making motherlike cooing noises in my ear. I finally ran out of tears willing to fall. I shoved her off of me, and pulled the doors closed. I hated crying in front of people.
“You can go away now.” I told her. My voice was clogged with emotion. I was still hugging my knees. She sat on the other side of the door for a little while longer. When she realized that I wouldn't come out until she left, she stood up and put her hand on the door. She said, “I love you.” and walked out.