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Description
‘You know what I noticed today?’
‘No I didn’t notice. It’s not like I can read your mind.’
‘You are my mind.’
‘And your point is…?’
‘My point is I noticed something today.’
‘We’ve established that.’
‘…Can you let me talk?’
‘You’re not talking.’
‘Can you let me think?’
‘So you noticed something today.’
‘I did.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘What did you notice?’
‘Oh. Well… wait… I think I forgot.’
‘You better be kidding me.’
‘Oh I remembered!’
‘Thank god.’
‘Ok let me talk.’
‘You’re not talking.’
‘I know that’s because you are.’
‘Is your mouth moving?’
‘No…’
‘Point proven.’
‘Ok, so I noticed something today.’
‘Ooh, do tell.’
‘That’s the reaction I like to get from you.’
‘Just say the damn thing you noticed today.’
‘Ok so today I noticed something.’
‘If you say that one more time…’
‘You’ll do what?’
‘I will…’
‘Ha! Exactly! You can’t do anything to me.’
‘I control your mind…’
‘And that gives you the power to… annoy me. That’s pretty much it.’
‘Do you remember your girlfriends’ cell phone number?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Do you now?’
‘Yeah…’
‘Then recite it.’
‘Well it’s… oh crap.’
‘Showed you.’
‘You can’t show me anything.’
‘Haven’t I already taught you not to underestimate me?’
‘Well-‘
‘That was a rhetorical question.’
‘Well what do you expect me to do? You leave an awkward silence there and I’m supposed to fill it.’
‘Well you don’t have to fill an awkward silence.’
‘Yes I do!’
‘…Why?’
‘Because for every awkward silence a Unicorn dies…’
‘That’s it?’
‘No. And a gay child is born.’
‘Oh no, we may single handedly destroy the unicorn population as well as the birth rate. What shall we do?!’
‘Go die.’
‘You know that if I die you go to a big white room with walls made of sponge.’
‘No, I’d just have one less annoying voice in my head.’
‘One less?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you should be going to the big white room anyways. You’re talking to things in your head.’
‘I’m talking to you in my head.’
‘Yeah so? I’m you conscience.’
‘Yes, but I don’t think that most people talk to their conscience.’
‘That’s preposterous.’
‘I also think it’s a bad sign that my conscience has a bigger vocabulary than me.’
‘I don’t have a bigger vocabulary than you; I’m just smarter than you.’
‘But you have the same brain as me.’
‘But I use it better.’
‘How’s that possible.’
‘You have no idea how much useless stuff is in here.’
‘Like what?’
‘Oh, I know you remember this. On TV, when people kiss they always go…’
‘Left!’
‘See, you should throw some of this stuff out.’
‘I would never!’
‘Oh come on. You have Nick Jonas’s birthday in here. Do you really need to know Nick Jonas’s birthday?’
‘Yes I do.’
‘In what situation would that come in handy?’
‘Well if he’s ever in town on his birthday I could give him a card and he might invite me to have ice cream with him.’
‘Why ice cream?’
‘Who doesn’t like ice cream?’
‘You have a point.’
‘Thank you… Now I want ice cream.’
‘Then go get ice cream.’
‘I should. But if I go all alone I’ll look like a loner.’
‘Then invite your girlfriend.’
‘Well I would call her but I seem to have forgotten her number.’
‘Isn’t that what contact lists are for?’
‘I believe so. Okay I’ll call her.’
‘Tell me how it goes.’
‘Will do.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Ok, I’m gonna go pick her up.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Yeah, why would there be anything else.’
‘I told you to tell me how it goes. Did she seem enthusiastic? Did she sound tired? Did she perk up when she heard your voice?’
‘You are thinking too into this.’
‘I’m just using the tools in your mind.’
‘You’re right we do need to throw away some things.’
‘I told you. I’m always right.’
‘If you’re always right then tell me where my car keys are.’
‘Let me search your brain. This may take a few minutes.’
‘Take your time. It’s not like I have to be anywhere.’
‘You know it’s really hard to tell sarcasm when you’re thinking.’
‘Really? I thought it would be easier.’
‘Nope it’s actually- found it! Your car keys are…’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘In your pocket…’
‘oh…’
‘yeah…’
‘…’
‘…’
‘I think we should get going.’
‘I agree.’

‘Okay what ice cream should I get?’
‘Don’t focus on yourself; ask her what she wants first.’
‘Good idea. Then I can look caring.’
‘Look caring?’
‘Be caring.’
‘Nice save. What’s she getting?’
‘Cake batter with sprinkles and gummy bears.’
‘She’s very colorful.’
‘You’re telling me.’
‘I’m telling you to keep that in mind. Though I may have to throw away something for it to fit in there.’
‘You have to tell me what you’re throwing away before you throw it away.’
‘I’m going to throw away Nick Jonas’s birthday.’
‘Why? I might need that.’
‘You already have ice cream, what more do you want?’
‘Get rid of Joe or Kevin’s birthday.’
‘Why are they so much more special?’
‘Well Nick is my age, Joe is two years older than me, and Kevin is like six years older than me.’
‘So you discriminate against people older than you?’
‘In fact I do.’
‘Fine. Kevin’s birthday is gone.’
‘Good.’
‘I think that guy staring at you is asking for your order.’
‘Oh. I need to act like I was staring at the menu.’
‘You were staring at the ice cream.’
‘I was inspecting it.’
‘Inspecting it?’
‘Yes. For all I know it could have a bug in it.’
‘God forbid a bug in your ice cream. You may die of fright.’
‘Go die.’
‘I believe we’ve been through this.’
‘Ok, shut up now. I have to concentrate on my date.’
‘Is she really classified as a date now? Wouldn’t you classify her as your girlfriend.’
‘Does it really matter?’
‘It matters to me.’
‘Well fine then. She is my girlfriend.’
‘Good you’ve passed the denial stage.’
‘I would say ‘go die’ but that would be tacky.’
‘Indeed it would.’
‘Okay well shut up, I’m talking.’
‘Ugh, fine.’

‘Okay just gotta drop her off then go home.’
‘Good.’
‘Okay, now she just has to walk up to her house.’
‘Yeah we just have to… wait… what the hell are you doing?! Go take her to the door!’
‘What?’
‘Just get out of the car! Go go go!!!’
‘I’m going. I’m going!’
‘Okay good, you caught her. Haven’t you ever done this before?’
‘That’s a stupid question.’
‘Well you’re a stupid person, it was needed… If you say go die I will hereby erase Nick Jonas’s birthday along with all other pop stars birthdays.’
‘Go… get eaten.’
‘I would but you’re the one that’s about to be eating face.’
‘Your choice of words scares me.’
‘And you not being able to realize what those words meant scare me more. This is the goodnight kiss.’
‘Oh. Doesn’t that only happen in movies?’
‘No. It doesn’t. Now stare deeply into her eyes.’
‘Is it just me or are you trying to make yourself sound melodramatic.’
‘It’s not just you. Now use your hand to gently move the hair out of her face. Leave your hand to linger on her cheek and then go in for the sucker.’
‘You had me all until the end.’
‘Just kiss the damned girl.’
‘Will do.’

‘That was some good ice cream.’
‘Your mind’s on the ice cream?’
‘Yeah, why wouldn’t it?’
‘You just took out a hot girl… and all you can focus on is the ice cream.’
‘Yes. It was good ice cream.’
‘I will forever remember this day as the day that ice cream beat out a kiss.’
‘Oh, speaking of ice. I noticed something today.’
‘What?’
‘Why do they call them iPods? Why not iMusic, or something music related?’
‘I don’t know; go ask the person who invented the iPod.’
‘I just might.’
‘Wait, better question. How does ice make you think of iPods?’
‘It’s a long and drawn out process but I make it work.’
‘I can tell you feel proud of yourself.’
‘You know, I have a weird feeling that I tried to say that revelation earlier.’
‘Really? I’ve never heard of that before. Is it like Déjà vu?’
‘Kind of I guess.’
‘Oh well, weird stuff like that happens.’
‘I know.’
‘But that’s far beside the point. Ice cream over a kiss?’
‘Well if the kiss had involved ice cream…’
‘You are a sick man.’
‘And it’s all because of you.’
‘And I take pride in that.’

Description
‘You know what I noticed today?’
‘No I didn’t notice. It’s not like I can read your mind.’
‘You are my mind.’
‘And your point is…?’
‘My point is I noticed something today.’
‘We’ve established that.’
‘…Can you let me talk?’
‘You’re not talking.’
‘Can you let me think?’
‘So you noticed something today.’
‘I did.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘What did you notice?’
‘Oh. Well… wait… I think I forgot.’
‘You better be kidding me.’
‘Oh I remembered!’
‘Thank god.’
‘Ok let me talk.’
‘You’re not talking.’
‘I know that’s because you are.’
‘Is your mouth moving?’
‘No…’
‘Point proven.’
‘Ok, so I noticed something today.’
‘Ooh, do tell.’
‘That’s the reaction I like to get from you.’
‘Just say the damn thing you noticed today.’
‘Ok so today I noticed something.’
‘If you say that one more time…’
‘You’ll do what?’
‘I will…’
‘Ha! Exactly! You can’t do anything to me.’
‘I control your mind…’
‘And that gives you the power to… annoy me. That’s pretty much it.’
‘Do you remember your girlfriends’ cell phone number?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Do you now?’
‘Yeah…’
‘Then recite it.’
‘Well it’s… oh crap.’
‘Showed you.’
‘You can’t show me anything.’
‘Haven’t I already taught you not to underestimate me?’
‘Well-‘
‘That was a rhetorical question.’
‘Well what do you expect me to do? You leave an awkward silence there and I’m supposed to fill it.’
‘Well you don’t have to fill an awkward silence.’
‘Yes I do!’
‘…Why?’
‘Because for every awkward silence a Unicorn dies…’
‘That’s it?’
‘No. And a gay child is born.’
‘Oh no, we may single handedly destroy the unicorn population as well as the birth rate. What shall we do?!’
‘Go die.’
‘You know that if I die you go to a big white room with walls made of sponge.’
‘No, I’d just have one less annoying voice in my head.’
‘One less?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you should be going to the big white room anyways. You’re talking to things in your head.’
‘I’m talking to you in my head.’
‘Yeah so? I’m you conscience.’
‘Yes, but I don’t think that most people talk to their conscience.’
‘That’s preposterous.’
‘I also think it’s a bad sign that my conscience has a bigger vocabulary than me.’
‘I don’t have a bigger vocabulary than you; I’m just smarter than you.’
‘But you have the same brain as me.’
‘But I use it better.’
‘How’s that possible.’
‘You have no idea how much useless stuff is in here.’
‘Like what?’
‘Oh, I know you remember this. On TV, when people kiss they always go…’
‘Left!’
‘See, you should throw some of this stuff out.’
‘I would never!’
‘Oh come on. You have Nick Jonas’s birthday in here. Do you really need to know Nick Jonas’s birthday?’
‘Yes I do.’
‘In what situation would that come in handy?’
‘Well if he’s ever in town on his birthday I could give him a card and he might invite me to have ice cream with him.’
‘Why ice cream?’
‘Who doesn’t like ice cream?’
‘You have a point.’
‘Thank you… Now I want ice cream.’
‘Then go get ice cream.’
‘I should. But if I go all alone I’ll look like a loner.’
‘Then invite your girlfriend.’
‘Well I would call her but I seem to have forgotten her number.’
‘Isn’t that what contact lists are for?’
‘I believe so. Okay I’ll call her.’
‘Tell me how it goes.’
‘Will do.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Ok, I’m gonna go pick her up.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Yeah, why would there be anything else.’
‘I told you to tell me how it goes. Did she seem enthusiastic? Did she sound tired? Did she perk up when she heard your voice?’
‘You are thinking too into this.’
‘I’m just using the tools in your mind.’
‘You’re right we do need to throw away some things.’
‘I told you. I’m always right.’
‘If you’re always right then tell me where my car keys are.’
‘Let me search your brain. This may take a few minutes.’
‘Take your time. It’s not like I have to be anywhere.’
‘You know it’s really hard to tell sarcasm when you’re thinking.’
‘Really? I thought it would be easier.’
‘Nope it’s actually- found it! Your car keys are…’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘In your pocket…’
‘oh…’
‘yeah…’
‘…’
‘…’
‘I think we should get going.’
‘I agree.’

‘Okay what ice cream should I get?’
‘Don’t focus on yourself; ask her what she wants first.’
‘Good idea. Then I can look caring.’
‘Look caring?’
‘Be caring.’
‘Nice save. What’s she getting?’
‘Cake batter with sprinkles and gummy bears.’
‘She’s very colorful.’
‘You’re telling me.’
‘I’m telling you to keep that in mind. Though I may have to throw away something for it to fit in there.’
‘You have to tell me what you’re throwing away before you throw it away.’
‘I’m going to throw away Nick Jonas’s birthday.’
‘Why? I might need that.’
‘You already have ice cream, what more do you want?’
‘Get rid of Joe or Kevin’s birthday.’
‘Why are they so much more special?’
‘Well Nick is my age, Joe is two years older than me, and Kevin is like six years older than me.’
‘So you discriminate against people older than you?’
‘In fact I do.’
‘Fine. Kevin’s birthday is gone.’
‘Good.’
‘I think that guy staring at you is asking for your order.’
‘Oh. I need to act like I was staring at the menu.’
‘You were staring at the ice cream.’
‘I was inspecting it.’
‘Inspecting it?’
‘Yes. For all I know it could have a bug in it.’
‘God forbid a bug in your ice cream. You may die of fright.’
‘Go die.’
‘I believe we’ve been through this.’
‘Ok, shut up now. I have to concentrate on my date.’
‘Is she really classified as a date now? Wouldn’t you classify her as your girlfriend.’
‘Does it really matter?’
‘It matters to me.’
‘Well fine then. She is my girlfriend.’
‘Good you’ve passed the denial stage.’
‘I would say ‘go die’ but that would be tacky.’
‘Indeed it would.’
‘Okay well shut up, I’m talking.’
‘Ugh, fine.’

‘Okay just gotta drop her off then go home.’
‘Good.’
‘Okay, now she just has to walk up to her house.’
‘Yeah we just have to… wait… what the hell are you doing?! Go take her to the door!’
‘What?’
‘Just get out of the car! Go go go!!!’
‘I’m going. I’m going!’
‘Okay good, you caught her. Haven’t you ever done this before?’
‘That’s a stupid question.’
‘Well you’re a stupid person, it was needed… If you say go die I will hereby erase Nick Jonas’s birthday along with all other pop stars birthdays.’
‘Go… get eaten.’
‘I would but you’re the one that’s about to be eating face.’
‘Your choice of words scares me.’
‘And you not being able to realize what those words meant scare me more. This is the goodnight kiss.’
‘Oh. Doesn’t that only happen in movies?’
‘No. It doesn’t. Now stare deeply into her eyes.’
‘Is it just me or are you trying to make yourself sound melodramatic.’
‘It’s not just you. Now use your hand to gently move the hair out of her face. Leave your hand to linger on her cheek and then go in for the sucker.’
‘You had me all until the end.’
‘Just kiss the damned girl.’
‘Will do.’

‘That was some good ice cream.’
‘Your mind’s on the ice cream?’
‘Yeah, why wouldn’t it?’
‘You just took out a hot girl… and all you can focus on is the ice cream.’
‘Yes. It was good ice cream.’
‘I will forever remember this day as the day that ice cream beat out a kiss.’
‘Oh, speaking of ice. I noticed something today.’
‘What?’
‘Why do they call them iPods? Why not iMusic, or something music related?’
‘I don’t know; go ask the person who invented the iPod.’
‘I just might.’
‘Wait, better question. How does ice make you think of iPods?’
‘It’s a long and drawn out process but I make it work.’
‘I can tell you feel proud of yourself.’
‘You know, I have a weird feeling that I tried to say that revelation earlier.’
‘Really? I’ve never heard of that before. Is it like Déjà vu?’
‘Kind of I guess.’
‘Oh well, weird stuff like that happens.’
‘I know.’
‘But that’s far beside the point. Ice cream over a kiss?’
‘Well if the kiss had involved ice cream…’
‘You are a sick man.’
‘And it’s all because of you.’
‘And I take pride in that.’