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Hal woke up in complete darkness.
“Dark.” He thought.
“Night.” Followed it.
“Sleep.” And so he did.
Hal woke up in complete darkness.
“Why the hell’s it still dark?” He thought.  He stood and stumbled around his room, looking for the window.  The curtains were already open, to his surprise.  Then he realized that his clock had gone out.
“Damn it.”
So he walked over to where he assumed his clock was and picked it up.
“Excuse me,” said a voice, “I was sleeping.”
“What the-?”
“Before you divulge in your profanities again, allow me to explain.  Would you mind setting me down?”
Hal assumed that he was dreaming, so he obliged, though he did think it was an odd dream if his alarm clock was talking to him and telling him not to swear.
A light illuminated only the alarm clock, only it was no longer an alarm clock.  In the clock’s place was a small black cat with white splotches and fierce blue eyes.
“Who are you?” Hal asked it, assuming that it was the thing that had talked to him.
“I,” it said in a haughty version of the voice that had emanated from his “alarm clock”, “am Rufus.”
“You’ve got to be joking.”
“I most certainly am not.”
“Your parents have a sick sense of humor.”
“Had, I’m afraid.”
“What?”
“Dear, dear, they told me you were bright.  Interesting, how they would think that of you.  But then, they’re not exactly the sharpest blades in the armory.”
“Uh, excuse me, cat thi-Rufus, what the hell are you talking about?”
“There you go again.  You know, it has been said that those who use such vulgar language lack the imagination or vocabulary to think of something better.”
“Uh, right.”
“Very clever.  Anyway, I suppose I should tell you ‘what the hell I’m talking about’ or you might not travel well.”
“Travel?”
“Could you shut up for more than a few seconds?”
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright, I just need to get this out quickly.  We have lots to do.” Hal was on the verge of asking what they had to do, but thought better of it.
“I have been sent here to take you to our world.  We’re having a bit of trouble, and we need the help of some one with opposable thumbs.”
“Get a chimp then.  I’m going back to bed.”
“Taking a chimp away from its habitat would be cruel!”
“Yeah, well this is my habitat.”
“A chimp wouldn’t have the choice.  You, however, do have a choice.”
“Good, then I choose to go back to sleep and forget that I ever had the misfortune of meeting some one named Rufus.”
“Fine!  But think about this: many of my world are going to die if you don’t help us.”
Hal groaned.
“Alright, alright.  I’ll come.”
Hal could swear that the cat smiled.
“Good.” Rufus blinked and the room was filled with light.  Only it wasn’t the same room.  It was a large room with shelves that were full to bursting with tins.
“Where are we?” Hal asked.
“The kitchen.”
“Are there some chefs drowning in their own soup that I need to rescue?”
Rufus glared at him.
“We need you to open these tins.  All of them.”
“Are you serious?”
“As serious as I was about my name.”
“Open your own tins!”
“We can’t!  We’ve tried scratching them open, biting them open, dropping them from great heights, everything!  You have to open them for us!”
“Why the hell did you buy tins with lids you couldn’t open?”
“We didn’t buy them.  These are our rations from the Peduga.  It’s all that they sent and the won’t send anyone to help us open them.”
“Why don’t you just go over there and get something else?’
“We can’t do that!  They are much more powerful than us!  Their magic is stronger and they’re so much bigger!  Besides, there are thousands more of them.  Even if we had the strength, we don’t have the numbers to fight them, and fighting is what it would come down to if we tried to get food from them.”
“Can’t you grow things?”
“Hello!  Opposable thumbs!  We don’t have any.”
“Catch things?”
“It’s illegal.”
“Man, you’re helpless.”
“You’re telling me?  Now, if you don’t mind: the tins?”
Hal sighed and reached for a tin.  He pulled back the tab and ripped the cover off.  It contained sardines.  Hal hated fish.  He was nearly ill, but he got it under control.
That day was one of the most miserable in Hal’s life.  Tin after tin of sardines swam before his eyes, Rufus encouraging him with snotty remarks and the occasional scratch.  If Hal hadn’t hated sardines before, he would have started that day.

Hal woke up in complete darkness.
“Rufus?” He asked the darkness.
“Yes?”
“Do I have to look at any more sardines today?”
“Nope, not if you don’t want to.”
“Good.”  Rufus turned on a light and handed him a handkerchief.
“What’s this for?”
“Blindfold.”
“Ha ha.”

The following night Hal had a dream that he was laying in between to very wet, fishy smelling people with a sheet over his head.  He looked left and right and saw that the people were really sardines.  He awoke with a scream.