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    Since the beginning, I was taught that there was one compassionate, forgiving, and true God. He would always protect me from harm and love me unconditionally. I didn’t really understand what that meant as a kid, but I went along with it because if I did, it made my parents smile.

       But everywhere around me I didn’t see a whole lot of loving going on in the world God created for us. It was like on the seventh day God took a nap because he was too lazy to remove the serpent from The Garden of Eden. From that bite of the forbidden fruit bloomed the ghetto gangs that seeped their way into my neighborhood. I encountered serpents on a daily basis, each tempting me with their own forbidden fruits of drugs, fighting, and even death.

     Despite how tempting they were, my family never was involved in them. My parents were hard-working and honest people, but even they had to admit that the ends were barley met every day. They faced a tidal wave of the same old shit at their jobs and were too desperate to search for anything else. I tried to tell them that God would make it better, but I could see the frustration and pity in their eyes as the belittled my sweet ignorance.

When I was 11 I decided to make use of myself. I did a bunch of odd jobs from dog walking to taking out the trash for people around town but it wasn’t enough. My families’ situation wasn’t any better and frankly I wasn’t satisfied with it.

  That was when I finally decided to take a bite of that fruit. And you know what?

            It was fucking delicious.

       My first couple of drug deals were nothing big, like dipping your hand in the cookie jar and stealing one if you were lucky. Eventually one cookie became two, then three, and eventually a whole fucking baker’s dozen of cold hard cash.

            By the time I was 13, I was one of the best suppliers in my area. You name it, I can get it to you, for a price. Short, sweet, and to the point. No one suspected that
little-goody-two-shoes me would have the balls to learn the tricks of this nasty trade. If my parents noticed my paycheck was a little fatter than usual I told them I was a productive member of society who was rewarded for his hard work.

But like Eve, I was caught and punished for my sins.

    The day my parents found out is still broken in my memory, and I’m not sure I want to remember it fully. There’s flashes of my father waving the plastic bag of coke in my face, calling me every name in the book. My mother sitting at the kitchen table, eyes fixed on the floor. She refused to look at me, but I could see every single tear. Never in my life had I been so shaken. All I wanted was to help them! I loved them, and you help the people you love no matter what! God loves you no matter what! Isn’t what they told me?! God loves me, so why can’t you?!

If only you could see me now, “mother dearest”. Look at me, accept me as your son who you raised with love and cast out to scrounge on my own. You’d see a boy who’s been fighting for everything he’s earned. He’s fought, stolen, cheated, and lied, but he did it all for you. And how did you thank me? Abandonment.

~~~

    “Oi, Izm.” Izm Tanner gasped as he snapped from his twisted memories back into reality. He was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He turned to the voice to see A.E.D. propped against the door.

    “What are you doing here?” Izm asked. .D cocked an eyebrow.

    “I should be asking you that. You’ve been contemplating God knows what for a while now.” Izm stared at the ceiling again and shrugged.

    “This, .D, is called procrastination. You should really give it a try sometime!” .D rolled his eyes.

    “Whatever, get up we only have 10 minutes.”

    “For what? It’s Saturday man, there’s no classes.”

    “I know that dipshit, we’re going out to the theme park, remember? It was your idea after all. The rest of the guys are waiting downstairs.”

    Izm jumped out of bed and dashed out the door, dragging .D by the wrist behind him.

    “WHAT THE FUCK YOU IDIOT LET ME GO!”

“WE’RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE .D!” Izm grinned devilishly.

            You know what mom? Izm thought. I think you’d be happy despite everything I’ve done. I think you’d like the friends I’ve made here at school.

…I miss you.