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ZephyrClaudius — 4 am
Published: 2008-02-08 14:58:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 172; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description
4 amIt is for am.
wait...
It is FOUR am
and I think I'm asleep
wait...
It is FOUR am
and I AM asleep
I can tell because of the noise
and those odd ghostly shapes
the screaming of boys
and the murderous scapes...
wait...
It is FOUR am
and I AM having a NIGHTMARE
but suddenly...
wait...
It is FOUR am and ONE minute
but in my NIGHTMARE a day has passed
wait...
It is FOUR am and I AM awake
I wait...
It is FOUR am and FIVE minutes, and I am asleep again
I dream of a tree
bigger than all
it beckons me
with it's body so tall
and I climb and I climb
but I never reach the top
and I climb and I climb
but I never reach the top
and I CLIMB and I CLIMB
but I NEVER reach the TOP
wait...
It is FOUR am and TWELVE minutes, and my dreams have shifted
colors I have never seen before
colors all around
colors beyond my comprehension
suddenly all oranges and brown
as I'm falling, FALLING
down to the ground
the oranges and browns
THE ORANGES AND BROWNS
wait...
It is FOUR am and TWENTY minutes, and I am awake.
I don't want to sleep again, but I have to
wait...
It is FOUR am and FIFTY minutes
and I am back asleep
wait...
There is a beautiful woman, crying
near the tree
the tree with ORANGES and BROWNS
she is crying
CRYING
but I don't hear a sound
I ask her:
"Why are you crying?"
to which she replies:
"I am crying for you, because you just died."
I am shocked, as she cries, as I can hear her now
her mourning and screaming
the screams of small boys
as the tree topples over
and those ghostly shapes return
wait...
It is FIVE am and 30 minutes
my alarm clock does sound
as I realize the whole time
I have spent on the ground
it seems my dream of a tree
was partially true
I had fallen off my bed
The colors had been
my clothes on the ground
The woman was a woman
of sorts
named Sissy
the Doberman
and scaredy cat dog
who cried and whined
in her own little dream
where I was still falling
and falling
and falling
I wake her, and take her, into the yard
and remember, "What a beautiful girl
Sissy had been
in that dream world
I guess she still is."
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Comments: 6
Thanks, both of you! I'll have to right a new poem soon, seeing as how I'm supposedly good at that.
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I love the metaphors and visual feeling you give, both by description and by the colors you mention. Love it how you seem like you're having a conversation in the poem, and the emphasis you manage to give through the repetition of lines. Excellent work.
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Since I forgot to actually tell you what I thought of your poem....
I like how you repeat yourself- not just the "it's FOUR am and ____ minutes," but also throughout. Bits like
"and I CLIMB and I CLIMB
but I NEVER reach the TOP"
because it makes me think you're repeating yourself and adding emphasis because you really want to the reader to understand what you're saying, like in a conversation. Like it's important that they do so. To me, it makes the poem itself seem more important than it usually would be.
Also, I think I'd like to meet your dog.
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Very very clever. I like the metaphors. I like the visuals. I also like how you referenced color into your dreams, since there have been studies that say we dream in black in white; which I think is bull shit. I dream in color. Also, I have had dreams of the same sort. Where things are not what they seem. Do to the fact your half awake an half asleep like you describe. You see things in dream that are in all actuality, your things or pets lol. Tell me, have you had dreams that predict things your mind is going to do right after you wake up? I have had this nutty dream where I woke up looking at my door and then I woke up looking at my door. Things like that. What about out of body experiences or actually being aware while being fully asleep?
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A little bit of both, actually.
I have had dreams that turn out to be very close to what actually happens, almost premonition like, and also have had sleep conversations, once whilst I was on the phone.
Very fun stuff, actually.
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I've heard stories of two of my camp counselors having a fully coherent conversation while they were both fast asleep. Will wonders never cease.
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