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eliyxanne In reply to UniversalHowler [2018-07-23 19:14:57 +0000 UTC]

Same buddy, same

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Zeragii In reply to Wathrandir [2018-02-17 04:06:36 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry to hear that I hope things are better now

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Wathrandir In reply to Zeragii [2018-02-17 09:11:11 +0000 UTC]

Kind of? I mean, I drink anxiety reducing herbal teas which helps some. And I have this herbal tincture kind of thing that also works. And I've found I can manage to take pills if I cheat my brain by dissolving them completely in liquid first. And if I combine all three I'm usually pretty calm even in anxiety inducing situations for a few hours. Basically, i can cope if I drug myself up to high heaven....or if I never leave home ever. Humans terrify me. I cannot cope with my own species. .....help......

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Zeragii In reply to Wathrandir [2018-03-19 03:46:01 +0000 UTC]

I understand. I find myself leaning toward the 'never leave the house' thing But I really don't want that to become my life, so I'm trying to fight it. I love people, and am terrified of them sometimes too. 

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Wathrandir In reply to Zeragii [2018-03-19 09:23:05 +0000 UTC]

I...generally dislike humanity. I don't HATE my species....but I am strongly of the opinion that we are a species of total jerks/jackasses/generally not nice people. And my fear is largely driven by the fact I can't tell which humans are the nice ones and which ones are the, well, Floweys to borrow a term from Asriel. ....I've had to deal with far too many. Mostly in school and they were my peers. ......Basically I was bullied, not physically - it was the other kind (which I personally feel is the crueler of the too since the wounds from that don't heal over as fast....and sometimes never do), pretty much from kindergarten all the way until I graduated high school. So, yeah......emotional scars. I have them. .....Also a mass of blinding rage fueled by the fact that most of those scars aren't fully healed because I can't figure out hoe forgiveness works and it keeps eating away at me and I hate that exists which makes me even angrier...... Long story short, I've got issues. ....Guess which Undertale characters I relate to the most and happen to be my favorites. *stares at Sans and Alphys*

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Zeragii In reply to Wathrandir [2018-03-19 16:50:24 +0000 UTC]

Yeah This world is full of a lot of Floweys. But there are some good ones too. Some kind ones. Sometimes they're hard to spot, but they are there. I'm sorry you were bullied. I work at a kids summer camp, and no matter how hard as a counselor I try to keep bullying out of the picture, you can't be with the kids EVERY second. I hate bullying. It makes my soul ache.

Forgiveness is...not easy. I used to have rage attacks. In fact, I once hurt my little sister once during one, something I am deeply ashamed of. But, well, forgiveness can take us by surprise sometimes. My best friend in the whole world was kidnapped and almost beaten to death. The two criminals that did it, well, I will honestly say I was filled with a lot of anger. but the Lord gave me the grace to forgive them, through no work of mine. I have also forgiven the person who is suspected of attacking me when I was a little girl. Again, not by my own power. Please don't take this as a pushy sermon, because that's not how I mean it. I'm just sharing that, well, i found I was unable to forgive until after I became a Christian. Until I was forgiven, because Lord knows I'm not perfect either. And I have a lot of friends who have had the same experience. It's...freeing, to be able to forgive. Doesn't mean everything they did to us is okay, and there will still be/has been consequences for their actions...But even the most evil among us deserve a second chance. Or maybe even a third or fourth. 

Heehee, long story short, I got issues too. Still working on them. Heh, I've got a lot of Sans and Alphys in me too. 

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Wathrandir In reply to Zeragii [2018-03-20 00:10:57 +0000 UTC]

Its a form of torture, plain and simple. Not going to lie, there is a part of me that wishes it was a felony that carried a heavy fine AND jail time. Maybe THAT would be enough of a discouragement. Because current methods of dissuasion do not work. There HAS to be a solution! I refuse to accept that there isn't a way to keep other kids from having to deal with that hell! I don't even LIKE kids and I think its wrong! .....I just don't want anyone else to hurt like I do.... It's not right.

The frustrating thing about my not-knowing-how-to-forgive is that both of my parents are pastors. I was RAISED with the ideals of forgiveness and all those other Christian virtues...but I still was never able to get the hang of a lot of it. I guess I'm just naturally petty and vindictive....and I feel guilty over it. I feel like I should be better than I am, and the sad thing its all self-inflicted. My parents have always been the most accepting and encouraging people I know. They're really great like that. I just....kind of feel like I don't deserve such amazing parents, so I am super critical of my own self-perceived failings as a person. My inability to forgive is one of many. .....I don't know why I do this. Maybe it was BECAUSE I was bullied in school for so long. Maybe some part of me believes I deserved to be. Maybe it was because some of the members of the congregations my parents served sometimes gave me this look like I wasn't living up to their standards of what a pastor's kid should be and that I was making my parents look bad. I'm not sure. Still trying to work out the origins of my inability to give myself a break. All I know for sure is that it wasn't because of anything my parents did. I do a lot of introspective self-analysis.

It may be a bit pessimistic of me, but I honestly believe that there isn't a person on this planet who DOESN'T have issues. We're all messed up to some degree or another. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying or is actively deluding themselves. ......As negative as all of this sounds, I would rate my mood as 'content' more often than not. I don't dwell on this kind of thing because I see no point in actively making myself miserable by doing so. I am aware of these thoughts and feelings and I acknowledge them for what they are. But I don't wallow in them. My goal in life is to to be happy and focusing on the bad things is counterproductive to that goal. So I don't. But I also know that I can't ignore them because bottling stuff up like that isn't healthy. So I try to maintain a balancing act. Acknowledge the bad things, but also note the good things. For example, in spite of everything, I have not lost all compassion and empathy. I also believe in being nice to people even if they aren't nice to me because 'golden rule' and all. I try to be polite and friendly even if I'm really awkward at the latter. Autism means I am not so good at social stuff, but I still TRY. There are things I am good at like writing and SCIENCE! I have a family that I love and that loves me back. .....All things considered, I'm actually doing pretty well in life. I'm in school working on my degree. I have an apartment and am working on living on my own (and NOT in my parents' basement!!!) I have several possible careers in mind I think I will be good at once I get my degree. I may even be able to supplement said career by publishing stories. These are the positives I try to focus on when my mood dips. So yeah. Usually I am content at the very least. Sometimes happy. Working towards having more happy days.

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Zeragii In reply to Wathrandir [2018-04-26 19:21:07 +0000 UTC]

True, but then there'd be SO many children in jail! Adults too, though, now that I think of it. Bullying doesn't always stop with adulthood, we just call it something different. It isn't right, but it is certainly a difficult situation to handle.

Feeling that way about how you handle forgiveness though makes me feel like you're getting closer to understanding it. I mean, the fact that you don't like not having that virtue, or feel guilty over it as you said, makes me think that maybe you're coming to a focal point where it'll finally click. It is AWESOME that both your parents are pastors, and that you have been surrounded by Christian concepts all your life, but, having had some very close pastors' kids friends, I have seen the difficulties that sometimes come with it. Sometimes all of that 'religiousness' just becomes white noise to them (as one such pastor's kid told me once). That same person just accepted Christ about a month ago, and she's just finishing up college! So there seems to be a fair difference in being surrounded by Christ, in your family, friends, and everyday activities, and having Christ IN you, personally, of your own choice. Not that I am saying you don't, I don't mean that at all. You said you're introspective in your self analysis, and that can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing, because you're more aware of yourself, your skills, gifts, or even your shortcomings (yes, that is a good thing). But it also means you probably judge yourself pretty hard. And that all can just make your thoughts turn over in terrible circles, and get no where. And sometimes it feels like no one's got the answers. But...well, God does. Just bring these concerns to Him, just like you did with me. I guarantee he can help. Or better yet just keep on focusing on Him, and everything else will just fall into place. Could take years; could happen in a flash.

And as for not giving yourself a break, that's important! I've only chatted with you a few times on here, but from just that I can see you are a curious, introspective, thinking kind of person. You have strong feelings of things, and that shows a passion, and that's something no bully ever could have. Bullies bully because of fear, and hurt. I really think that if you keep questioning yourself on these things, like forgiveness, and seriously consider just who in this world can truly help, I know you'll end up with your answer, whether it be now, or over time ^^ You're a smart cookie! And no one should ever have told you any different! ^^ 

Oh, no, I completely agree. We've all got something. I don't think it's negative to think so though. In a way, it should give us hope. The fact that we are just in need of help as anyone else should be freeing in a way, because then we should understand that it's okay to fail, it''s okay to struggle, and it's okay (even though it isn't fun) to suffer. The scars we have are things we shouldn't be ashamed of, unless they weigh us down and stop us from moving forward. But if we're messed up, but we're moving forward and helping other people to their feet on our way, even if we're still tripping a little, then that's beautiful! ^^

Content is a good mood And it's good that you don't wallow. That's something I think I'm guilty of on my less joyful days. But, heeehee, that's something I'll work on ^^ And yes, no bottling up. Something else I have learned (and am still learning) the hard way.

Good! Compassion and empathy are important, and not all that far from forgiveness! And Autism, while social stuff can be a struggle, I have found my Autistic friends to be EXTREMELY smart and thoughtful. Oooooooooooooo, I LOVE SCIENCE! What's your favorite field of science? Any in particular?

I'm in college too! Just need one more semester to graduate with my bachelor's degree ^^

Those all sound like awesome goals! I wish you all the luck and joy in your journey finishing up school, living on your own, and getting more of those happy days! Go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wathrandir In reply to Zeragii [2018-04-29 03:23:04 +0000 UTC]

Very true.

If faith/religiousness had a sliding scale then I'd say I fall somewhere between deist and agnostic. I figure God exists in some form or another, but that such an entity is likely somewhat beyond mortal comprehension. Also is probably straddling the line between creative and insane a little bit. I guess I feel like God is kind of a mad genius. Because the universe is weird. Also the duck-billed platypus exists. My reason for sliding down the scale so far? .....Part of it is I got bored. There are so many interesting passages in the bible, but we just covered the same ones over and over in church and I just got so SICK of the repetition. Even reading the bible from cover to cover wasn't sufficient to keep my interest up. It just started with me losing interest in the Lutheran faith...then progressed to my losing interest in Christianity in general. Plus there was the fact that I am a natural skeptic and so have an EXTREMELY difficult time taking things of faith alone. I need solid empirical evidence in order for belief to click with me. ......All religions are based on faith and NOT empirical evidence..... I kind of envy people who can believe in things without proof because it seems to offer them a lot of security. I'm likely to never have that in my life simply because of how my brain is wired. I'd like to believe....but I simply cannot stop asking 'why' and being riddled with doubt when the answers I get are not enough. .....Also being around large groups of people freaks me out and I was never comfortable attending services. .....All of this contributes to my feelings of inadequacy, by the way.

Consciously I know this. It does not stop my internal critic from tearing me apart every time I start to build confidence. It's like, after years of being picked on, I internalized that treatment and now I can't turn that part of my brain off. It's annoying....

Yep!

Bottling up led to my psyche fracturing when I was a teenager, and I've only fully integrated one of the fragments since then. The other one is only partially reintegrated and is NOT going any further. I am TERRIFIED of that persona!!!! Do NOT WANT!!! But, yeah, this is a lesson I learned the hardest way imaginable.

....I can't pick just one. I enjoy geology, I love astronomy, I am fascinated by physics and chemistry, I love biology, I enjoy philosophy (still technically a science), I like geography, and so on. I've dabbled in all of them at some point or another, but I will probably end up pursuing biology...specifically wildlife biology. I like animals more than I do people, and would prefer working with them. ....Also I am a life-long sufferer of stage fright so public speaking is NOT for me.

.....As embarrassing as this is to admit, I still have yet to qualify for an associates degree even after over 10 years of being enrolled.  Anxiety issues meant I couldn't take more that two or three classes per semester and, if I made a poor class choice, I'd lose interest midway through the semester and fail. So it's been taking me a while to pick up credits, and the fact that I have a phobia of moving...and just moved into a new apartment 6 months ago after I ended up screwing myself on the first apartment I tried moving into (forcing yourself to stay in a place that makes you anxious is a BAD IDEA when you have an anxiety disorder that is not controlled by medication {I can't take pills easily anymore because a psychological aversion turned physical...and now I throw them up if I can't find some way to cheat my brain into not noticing the pill})... I am NOT graduating before I'm 40. I know this because I am nearly 33. .....I want to be done with school already..... So frustrating.

Oh I am, but it is quite the process. And I am getting a BIT impatient. Which is making me suffer random episodes of depression when the frustration builds to a certain point. Life is complicated....

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Zeragii In reply to Wathrandir [2018-06-23 00:42:41 +0000 UTC]

Haha! ^^ That's an interesting way of looking at it! And yeah, platypuses are pretty strange. I think God must have a good sense of humor.

Again, I understand and respect where you stand here. Being skeptical and having faith are definitely two very different places to be. Not that the two can't co-inside (is...that how you spell that word???), but it is certainly difficult. It reminds me of the story of C. S. Lewis. If I remember right, he was an...atheist? I think? And he questioned whether God existed. He loved arguing with Christians, just to mess with them, heehee! ^^ But he eventually came to a conclusion that led him to Christ. URGH! I wish I could remember the whole story. Then there was the scientist who wanted to prove through science that God didn't exist, but ended up becoming a Christian because all he was able to find was evidence FOR the existence of God. ^^ People tend to see the Bible as a book written by 'a bunch of old farts' that has no scientific or historic ties whatsoever. Ooooooh, but there is! So much evidence, and historic stuff that just gets me SO EXCITED!

But it does all come back to faith. And faith, like forgiveness, is...really hard. 
As for getting bored with the bibles teaching, I can understand that too. And I...wish I cold explain how that goes away when you truly put your faith and belief in Him. I don't know. Reading it used to be such a chore. Like, it was tiring, and didn't make much sense, and I had heard so many of the stories SO many times. I was 13 when I decided to accept Christ myself. After that, it was like a relief to read it. Refreshing. It made a lot of sense, where it hadn't before (not that I understand everything, oh gosh no!) I'm a different person than I was before, that's for sure. I...was PRETTY messed up then. Probably would have ended up offing myself long ago if not for Him.

So, all I can say, is that I respect where you stand, and I get how you feel. But keep questioning. Questioning leads to answers. Be a skeptic, but don't just take your skepticism as it stands. Test your skepticism. CHALLENGE God, if he exists, to bring you to an answer. Because, well, I can't explain it. I can only point and say "try this", it's up to you whether you want to listen. And I respect and love ya for it! ^^ 

I'm not much of a group person myself ^^ I'm sorry that makes you feel inadequate! Please don't feel that way of yourself! We all have our struggles, like I said, and they by no means make us inadequate. In fact, they make us more qualified for the things ahead of us. We might not see it, but eventually we will. 

(About the internal critic tearing you apart every time you start to build confidence) keep fighting! I know its hard. It would be very hypocritical of me to say that I have overcome that, because I haven't, I'm speaking more as one fellow struggler to another. I'm not gonna give up, and I believe 100% you can do it too. ^^

Yikes! Yeah, I really don't want that happening to me! See, already your experience is helping someone. I need to try and share my feelings with others. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of blocked emotion problem or something. Like, I can feel happiness and anger, and some other emotions, but sometimes things happen and all I feel is an absence of an emotion. Like I'm supposed to feel something, but all I feel is...nothing. And then I get mad at myself for not feeling the right thing and URGH! Yeah. Work'n on that Also, while I KNOW I don't have multiple personality disorder or anything, I find that I have these different, I don't know, reactions I get to different situations. Like, I act like different people, but they aren't like separate people or anything. Sometimes I act very much like a little kid, my voice gets higher and I talk, not quite baby talk, but certainly not the behavior of a 24 year old. And then I always feel embarrassed by my behavior after. I'm telling you this because I'm wondering if you have any idea what that might be? Look'n for advice here Don't know. I'll be seeing a therapist soon anyway, so I'm sure it will come up.

BUT! Back to you! That IS terrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I really hope it will get completely better eventually. I know healing takes time, mental healing even more so.

NICE! I LOVE ASTRONOMY!!!!! That is definitely my favorite.  Wildlife biology would be great for you then! Animals can be waaaay more understanding than people. ^^ They're so cool too! Chemistry and physics weren't really my thing, too much math, heehee! ^^ But I gave it my best go of course ^^

Ohh, yeah, stage fright. Not fun! I seem to remember learning once that stage fright (or more specifically fear of public speaking) is the number one fear. Even over the fear of death!

Don't be embarrassed about still working toward that degree, even after that amount of time. My little sister, who just started college, has a lot of anxiety issues, sensory stuff, depression; you mention it, she's got it. She actually started a class on campus, but got so upset over someone chewing gum that she got out of the class. She couldn't do it. What she ended up doing was taking an online class instead. Just one. She did great! I'm so proud of her she got an A in the class! And while she was plugging away at it, she bought and is training a service dog. Her hope is to go back on campus with Trudy (her dog) this coming fall. She's taking one r two classes as a time too, so it will probably be about 10 years before she graduates, but that's OKAY. College is n't like all other schooling, where you have to keep up with everyone else and all that junk. You work at the pace that works for you. You'll get there in your own time. And it will feel so amazing when you do!

With all that extra stuff thrown in, yeah, I can see the frustration. But your still at it! You must have a LOT of DETERMINATION. ^^

Life is certainly complicated. And patience is certainly hard. I get ya with the depression, and if ever I can help, let me know. I know I'm just a weirdo online somewhere with a fake, weird-sounding name, heehee, but my hearts in the right place, and if ever I can even just cheer someone up, it's worth it. Lord knows people on here have done that for me.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I know you'll get that degree! Keep asking questions, search for answers, and...yeah. That's all I got without repeating myself, heehee! SEE YA!

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Wathrandir In reply to Zeragii [2018-06-23 06:11:32 +0000 UTC]

Rather than try to reply to all of these, I'm just going to say 'thank you'. Much easier. Plus that is pretty much my response to all of them. Also, there is kind of a reason for my love of science, social anxiety, and so on. I...am autistic. Specifically I have a form of high functioning autism spectrum disorder a.k.a Aspergers' Syndrome. Really, that disability is the root of many of my problems. I mean, I was only diagnosed when I was 16 so most of my bad habits were pretty firmly ingrained. I can come up with coping strategies and I'm getting better, but it's going to be something I struggle with for the rest of my life. My brain is just wired weird. It annoys me sometimes, but it has advantages too. So, yeah. 'Tis life.

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Zeragii In reply to All54321 [2017-10-27 22:23:06 +0000 UTC]

Heehee! Wow! Well, welcome to the world of DeeperDown!

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All54321 In reply to Zeragii [2017-11-09 02:00:13 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

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All54321 In reply to All54321 [2017-10-25 02:15:58 +0000 UTC]

And I have caught up.... in apparently 57 minutes.
k, why not?

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Sanluris In reply to Sanluris [2017-12-26 09:39:55 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I keep asking spoiler things, don't I?

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Xhaila In reply to Sanluris [2017-12-25 03:43:53 +0000 UTC]

only her can reset, because he hold the "Determination Soul"

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Zeragii In reply to Sanluris [2017-10-21 18:25:27 +0000 UTC]

Hmmmmmmmm...............

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Zeragii In reply to ChroniclerEnigma [2017-08-31 22:52:12 +0000 UTC]

Heeheehee! Take a bow buddy! ^^

Yes, I thought so too, I mean about Sans not being cool and calm ALL the time. He's been through a lot the poor guy. 

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obscuredsavepoint In reply to RainingStarWars [2017-10-07 04:05:59 +0000 UTC]

same!

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Zeragii In reply to RainingStarWars [2017-06-26 23:21:46 +0000 UTC]

Heeheehee!

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Zeragii In reply to Alycia-2014 [2017-05-31 04:56:27 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, you tell him!

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Zeragii In reply to SansTheComicYT [2017-05-30 16:11:25 +0000 UTC]

*frisk gives sans a hug*

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SansTheComicYT In reply to Zeragii [2017-05-31 22:36:34 +0000 UTC]

Yay XD

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Zeragii In reply to SansFangirl4life [2017-05-17 04:42:15 +0000 UTC]

*confetti*

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Zeragii In reply to Raging-Riolu [2017-05-09 01:38:00 +0000 UTC]

Ahhhh, good question! In this au whenever a monster is super emotional, their magic becomes agitated. With most monsters, it doesn't show, but because skeletons don't have any skin or organs or anything, it's easier to see their magic flaring up. This, thankfully, won't use up any magic or hp, it's just an agitation.

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Raging-Riolu In reply to Zeragii [2017-05-10 01:42:42 +0000 UTC]

ahhhhhhhhh......

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Zeragii In reply to Raging-Riolu [2017-05-10 15:15:45 +0000 UTC]

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Zeragii In reply to Art-in-heart4va [2017-04-29 03:38:50 +0000 UTC]

Heeheehee ^^

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Zeragii In reply to LadySolonna [2017-01-17 21:30:06 +0000 UTC]

Haha, that would be kinda handy, wouldn't it?

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LadySolonna In reply to Zeragii [2017-01-17 21:33:38 +0000 UTC]

who knows? maybe someone is able to do that and we just don't know

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Zeragii In reply to LadySolonna [2017-01-18 01:18:42 +0000 UTC]

Heh, you're right, never know......

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Zeragii In reply to Zontickles [2017-01-05 00:38:47 +0000 UTC]

*Frisk singing* "Trust in meeeeeee!"

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Zontickles In reply to Zeragii [2017-01-05 01:43:16 +0000 UTC]

Haha!!

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