HOME | DD
Ziggyfin — EVALLA Chapter 1 Page 22
#adventure #comic #fantasy #hom #kina #page #sonic #sonicthehedgehog #webcomic #webcomics #konch #ziggyfin #reggiegraham #evalla #konchbokino
Published: 2017-04-19 00:34:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 931; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 1
Redirect to original
Description
NEXT PAGE: EVALLA Chapter 2 Cover
PREVIOUS PAGE: EVALLA Chapter 1 Page 21
Chapter 1 comes to a close, and I feel like I've learned a lot. The last time I wrote and illustrated something by myself was my Sonic Adventure 2 Fan-comic, which seemed pretty easy to write since the source material was already there and I was editing it. This time I feel I'm still developing my writing style since it's all original. Looking back through the Chapter I feel I would write things differently and introduce the world a little different as well. But what can you do? All I can do is improve if I keep at it, and looking through the upcoming Chapter 2 pages, I feel that I have.
-----
Check out the comic's website here: EVALLA WEBSITE
Follow me on Social Media!
Twitter: twitter.com/Ziggyfin
Tumblr: ziggyfin.tumblr.com/
Related content
Comments: 11
Well, I suppose I state my opinion best at the end of a story and this is far from over. It's been enjoyable so far, though. Keep on it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you! And yeaaaah, this is still the beginning.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
First off I'd like to say the introduction was very en media res, dropping us into a situation where everyone seems to know the main character already and have expectations. Gives it a certain amount of realism there, I suppose, but it does throw a lot of questions at the readers like "How did Kina become a 'savior' in the first place?", "what is her backstory?", "why is it important for the story to skip over to an office after the race?", "if saviors aren't necessary, could they be more a part of tradition than anything?", "oh boy, now there's dragon-lore too?" and "why does her hair glow?"
Personally I feel it would have been better to slip more background into comments here or there, and even a quick one-panel flashback near the beginning would have been nice to show what's motivating Kina aside from a generic eagerness to win. The 5 pages with Konch showed us more about him than all the rest did with Kina. And I was actually much more interested in Tohm than her since we got to see his parents, his inner conflict, extreme pressure on him to lose, and of course his resentment toward Kina.
Since it's an original work I can see why things are working out this way (and I admit it works well running through it all at once rather than one page at a time), but from a storyteller's point of view, the initial fast-paced action is dramatically offset by the lack of plot. It feels quick, but in reality it's not revealing the story at all and instead is too focused on establishing the setting... which it doesn't really do all that good a job of either. We still have no idea the type of place Hom is, why it floats in the air, what this "coming of age" celebration is supposed to be (one can guess it's a graduation of sorts, but could it also have something to do with their futures?), et cetera. Again a case of too many questions raised and too few of them answered. I can only assume the background will be shown more fully later, and I agree the last thing needed is a history montage, but it would have been nice to see something more substantial at the outset instead of being focused on the emotional impact of Kina reacting to events during the race.
I do admit the creativity was nice and refreshing even though readers were dumped straight into a world they have zero experience with. The canals for the root race were impressive; my little girl liked that whole part -- especially the sound effects when I read it to her.
As for the story itself, though fairly straightforward, it does keep me interested. Looks like the little glowing-ball-creatures are intimately connected to those like her whose hair has a life of its own. Strong color similarity. And it looks like this newcomer is also a "savior" ready to take her away on a journey of... savioring? Well, I guess we'll find out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hey, thanks very much for taking the time to read through, not to mention giving a critique. I love it that you read it to your daughter
Sometimes I think I can get so wrapped up in what's going on in the story that some things get confusing. Your points are very insightful and make lot's of sense, and I'm definitely thinking about how to fix some things going forward. The numerous unanswered questions for the reader was intentional to keep people wanting to learn more as the story progresses, but putting too many can always hinder the experience too. I definitely agree that the world building in the background could have been done better, including visually, as not a whole lot of Hom is shown. My main goal for the first Chapter was for the reader to see how people treat Kina and how that effects her in different ways, and save some of the other plot points for more storyline that is only hinted at here.
This is what I needed though, I LOVE criticism (even if I don't agree, which is not the case here 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't usually spend a lot of time critiquing, but I will if I think the subject or artist is worth it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
IT'S GANONDOR... UM I MEAN
IT'S WHOEVER THAT GUY IS!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Um... is that a good kind of collect or a bad kind of collect?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I would answer, but then there would be spoilers haha! What do you think?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm thinking the we're-going-on-an-adventure type.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
