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Published: 2019-12-26 23:49:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 1195; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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This isn't a post I should make but, I feel like you should know. As you see in the picture, this is a idea of my brain. (Yes I know everybody deals with it) However, my brain has been worse and I haven't had anybody else help on the project. And with my issues I well don't feel motivated like I should.A bit of story time.
When I was in elementary school, a relative of mine passed away. They were my closest friend besides my other closet friend (currently my husband) After that relative passed away, I started to act different. Obviously I was upset for a while but, after time passed and stuff settled I had, weird behavior. I started to have a weird pattern and I didn't know why I did it. It was serval years later that these patterns were so bad that they ran parts of life. I found out that I actually had a severe case of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) I was doctor confirmed dianosed with Anxiety, OCD, and Depression. My I already knew I had depression but, didn't want others to know. There's a lot of reasons why I feel the way I do but I don't want to talk about it.
Time skip to many years later like adult years.
My mum all most died a few years before today due to a flesh eatin bacteria. She was in the hospital from September on up to part of December. She still hasn't fully healed even to this day. I remember that day so well. She went in for a normal check up about a spot that was in pain. Then the doctors put her into immediate care. They told us if she wasn't in the care of doctors within few hours later, she could of died. I was scared. I mean who wouldn't be scared when your told that somebody you love they would of died if not in care. They told us that antibiotics she took for the last few weeks is what kept the bacteria on hold for this much time. A lot happened in those few months. But she came home but, was dianosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Time skip to a few years after (maybe 3 years but I'm not sure)
This year I lost my house due to a tornado in the summer. I was trapped inside my room as a tree fell on top of the house. 911 was called by my roommate who were able to escape the crushed house and I had to be freed by the window before the tree could fall any further. I spent all most 3 months homeless and had to stay in a hotel. I never was that scared of storms until that day. Now all I have to do is hear wind and I start to have fear. I told my doctor about how I have panic attacks by just wind alone. After a detailed discussion, I was dianosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) My mum has it a now me. Even my husband has this. I won't do detail on that. My husband had already suspected I may have PTSD but I wanted to be in denial about it.
This is only a small list. There is so many other events that has happened in my life that makes life hard. I will be honest, if it wasn't for my husband I would be dead by now cause I would have ended it. I had tried to commit suicide 3 times and was stopped every time. But, I'm happy that I was stopped. For somebody who tried to commit suicide and failed. Then was happy that I was stopped. It proved to me that I don't want to die. I just want to be happy.
The reason I wrote this isn't for pity or attention. It's awareness and a reason why I'm so slow. I have a lot of issues mentally. When people helped me with the project, it made me happy cause somebody wanted to lend a hand. Animations is my dreams. I want to make anime, animations of it. Or even make a animation for a company like Square Enix, Steam, or Koei. I love to make stuff that make people happy. I watched so many anime so many people who make animations and I'm so inspired by it.
I want a happy end.
ML X AOT also know as Miraculous Ladybug and Attack on Titan
If you want to know more information on the project look at the link below.
www.deviantart.com/mmdloversou…
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Comments: 5
CelestialWolf23 [2020-11-02 01:24:27 +0000 UTC]
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
AmberTheDemonWolf In reply to CelestialWolf23 [2020-11-02 02:40:40 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
CelestialWolf23 In reply to AmberTheDemonWolf [2020-11-24 18:39:14 +0000 UTC]
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
MMDRainbowMaker In reply to CelestialWolf23 [2020-11-24 18:56:41 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
CelestialWolf23 In reply to MMDRainbowMaker [2020-11-27 14:52:28 +0000 UTC]
Yes. Absolutely. Art is meant to disturb the normal and comfort the disturbed. I got through my hell by MMD, admittedly all of my characters especially my self-oc died. My self-oc killed them self... a lot. Eventually that started to have real-life effects and here I am, with a scarred up wrist and two scars make a T shape on purpose. Those are my deepest two.... it’s a wonder I can still use that hand and didn’t need a blood transfusion...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0