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Description
Note: Please do not harass the original author or anyone who makes content related to this pasta. This review was simply made for entertainment purposes only. This is all based on MY OPINION as well.

Let's continue the review series, shall we?

So, for today's review, we got the... Kill Waker...? Wait, what...?

A... Legend of Zelda... Creepypasta?

I thought I did Poképastas, not Zeldapastas...?

Meh, whatever... let's just review something since I haven't done a review in a while...

---

Pasta Name: The Kill Waker

Publish Date: 2012

Synopsis: After a tragic death from falling, Link was revived and given the Kill Waker that instantly kills NPCs to seek revenge.

Fun Fact: There are mods for Wind Waker that give Link dark clothes as said in this pasta.

Highlight: The King of Black Lions’ dialogue

Quote: “They’re ALLLL dead... GAME OVER.” - Link

---

So, let's begin with the story...

So it starts by saying that the protagonist played Wind Waker and stopped playing for years once they got to the Forsaken Fortress.
Are you talking about your first visit or the revisit to the Forsaken Fortress? I guess I could understand the first visit because you have to go all stealthy without your sword, and it’s tedious for young players. However, wouldn’t that mean you played the game for 30 minutes? I can’t complain since I played Let’s Go Eevee and Pikachu with less time to have G-Max Pikachu and Eevee for Shield.

The protagonist wanted to try the game again, so they went to every store nearby that sells games and still had no luck. The protagonist and their dad went to a local garage sale a week later.
Are people really that tempted to go to garage sales?

The dad looked for junk, so the protagonist went to the kid’s section.
This person had a kid’s section for their garage sale? Talk about being organized for a garage sale.

The protagonist finds a black box labeled “The Wind Waker”.
Ohhhhh, how mildly convenient. It’s like the salesman was spying on you and predicted you and your dad would stop by at their garage sale a week later to get that black box labeled “The Wind Waker”. Real talk here: how many people would want to put old games or movies in blank, black boxes and label what they are? I know some people would do that, but the chance of many people doing that stuff is very slim. Do people lose the original cases or something? I don’t know.

The protagonist took the box and asked the salesperson how much the game was, and they gave it to the protagonist for free.
I know the point of a garage sale is to get rid of stuff you don’t want, but it would be best to try to profit from it. And spoiler alert: the wind waker game is “cursed”. So wouldn’t it have been better to throw it away rather than to have someone else suffer through the “cursed” stuff, especially if you know it’s “cursed”?

The protagonist initially got skeptical, but he didn’t care because he just wanted to play Wind Waker.
Yeah, no suspicion here.

They booted up the game to get a nostalgic feeling. When it got to the title screen, some things were off. There was no music or sound, and the sky was black. The “creepiest” thing was the title, “The Kill Waker”.
The Kill Waker. Maybe you should have me play a song on the waker called the “Requiem of Uniqueness”. But, real talk: couldn’t the author develop something a little more clever? Like, I think one thing the author could’ve done is have it be with the Wind Waker and have the killer ballad be the “Song of Passing” as a play on “passing” being “passing away” or something.

The protagonist asked if that garage salesman’s kid hacked it or something.
A fair assumption, but still a big stretch. Plus, I don't think it would be that easy to hack and modify if it were with the GameCube discs. I could be wrong though.

But the protagonist still resumed playing it. Everything was fine until the part where Link’s sister gets kidnapped by the Helmrock King. The cutscene was supposed to go where Link charges toward the Helmrock King but falls off a cliff until Tetra catches him on time. But Tetra didn’t catch him for this cutscene, and the screen cut to black before Link hit the rock.
I went back to watch that particular cutscene in the vanilla game, and by the looks of it, it doesn’t even look like Link was going to fall onto one of the rocks; he would’ve fallen straight into the water. Then again, this is a “hacked” version of Wind Waker.

The screen was black for 30 seconds, but then it cut to the scene where Link meets the King of Red Lions, except he was red and black and had an evil, scary grin on his face. He said, “Hello, Link! I’m sorry for what happened to you and your sister. I’m the King of Black Lions.”
What a missed opportunity to call him the King of Dead Lions to have it rhyme.

Link’s clothes were black, and his skin was as pale as the moon. Link looked sad, with blood all over him.
So, is Link supposed to be dead and revived or something? Apparently, death can turn your clothes all black. And I know the elephant in the room is the unnecessary use of blood. Yeah, yeah...

The King of Black Lions continued, “You must make the b-tch that killed you pay and that bird too!”
Okay, stop! Stop! The swearing just put the nail in the coffin for this pasta. So cursing in an apparently “cursed” game targeted towards children, even though it’s rated E for Everyone. It’s not even a creepypasta anymore; it’s now a trollpasta because of it. I don’t know; maybe this was intended to be a trollpasta.

“Take this instrument of death and make them suffer!”
It’s quotes like these that intended to creep us out, but it’s more hilarious if anything because of how cheesy it is, given the context we’ve gotten from this pasta so far.

Link retrieved the Kill Waker. There was no description. The boat said he needed a sail. It was nighttime at Windfall Island. It was pitch black with no stars. The NPCs gave Link frightened looks. Any attempts of interaction with the NPCs would result in no text or just screaming. Link went to the salesman with enough rupees to purchase the sail, but he wouldn’t sell it to him.
If it’s nighttime at Windfall Island, then most of those NPCs wouldn’t be outside, and the salesman wouldn’t be selling anything at that time. But again, that’s in the vanilla game.

He couldn’t use the Kill Waker at first until he was able to Z-target the salesman, so he used it on the salesman. The screen was cut to black, and a scream was heard. A textbox read that Link got the sail. When it cut back, the salesman’s head was on the table and he was dead. The protagonist screamed about what happened but then went back to playing.
“Oh my gosh! I just decapitated that salesman!! ......Oh well... happens every Tuesday...”

The protagonist was confused about what happened, so he tried it on the children. The screen went black again and screams were heard. Next, the children were on the ground, with black eyes and tears of blood.
Really? You didn’t like what happened to the salesman, but you tried it again and with the school kids no less? And I’m not going to waste time and put out every time blood and gore is being used because let’s be honest, it speaks for itself.

As sick as it was, the protagonist continued to play the game.
Eh, I’d be curious too. Don’t lie, you would be too. In fact, that brings up a point. Even though most creepypastas are fake, why do a lot of people want to get rid of the “cursed” copy of a game or film? Wouldn’t it be something you could share around to pique interest?

He got back to the boat and they began to sail. The "creepy" part was when they were sailing to the marked location on the map, Link smiled like he was proud of what just happened. The marked location turned out to be Tetra's ship.
How did you get on board with such limited items? Was it by an island to help Link get on board or something?

When Link got on board, the pirate crew tried to kill him. Link used the Kill Waker to murder the crew and it had a lot of gruesome scenery. One had a knife in the eye, one was on fire with an arm missing, and the others were even worse...
Are you guys getting Pokémon Creepy Black vibes from this? This is a lot like the move, Curse which the Lavender Town ghost would use to kill Pokémon and trainers, only that pasta executed the concept way better in my opinion without the use of blood and gore, and it was more believable. Also, you're not going to specific how the other pirates' death looked worse?

When Tetra came to see what was going on, Link used the Kill Waker on her, the screen cut to black, a scream was heard, and then Tetra was shown to be ripped in half as Link kneeled by her body and a textbox says "You got Tetra's heart".
Hahaha. Imagine seeing that with the Item Got Fanfare playing.

When Link returned to the boat, The King of Black Lions said, "Nice job. Now let's go for that bird." So, they went to the Forsaken Fortress to get "revenge" on the Helmrock King.
Wait, wait. In the vanilla game, the wind is facing east at the beginning of the game when you're first at Windfall Island before you get the Wind's Requiem at Dragon Roost Island, which means the wind had to be facing northwest from the beginning. And there is no mention of Link getting or playing the Wind's Requiem in the pasta, so how did he get to the fortress? There are so many holes that don't help the pasta at all.

After getting the hammer...
Wait, the skull hammer? You get that after you beat Phantom Ganon at the revisit of the Forsaken Fortress. But you can't defeat Phantom Ganon without the Master Sword or sometimes an empty bottle. My only assumption is that Link used the Kill Waker on Phantom Ganon. Also, does this mean you stop playing Wind Waker that one time during the revisit of the Forsaken Fortress since you acknowledge the skull hammer and the scene where you meet the King of Red Lions (since it's after your first visit to the Forsaken Fortress)? That's honestly a bit pathetic, not gonna lie because that trip is easier compared to the first, stealthy visit.

Link was sent to the Helmrock King boss battle. Link used the Kill Waker on the Helmrock King after removing the mask. After that, the body of the Helmrock King had no head, as it was a gory mess with blood everywhere, even on Link. That speaks for itself.

Then, Aryll approached Link and said, "I hate you. I hate you. You killed all those people and the bird."
STOP! CUT!

1- In the vanilla game, Aryll gets saved by Tetra's crew and carried away. But it didn't happen here because they're already dead. Fair enough, but if Link had to fight the Helmrock King first and remove its mask, that takes place above the room Aryll was locked up in, and it gets flooded during the Helmrock King's battle. Wouldn't Aryll and those other girls drown?

2- How does Aryll even know Link killed many people if she was locked up in the tower of the Forsaken Fortress?

3- Why would she be mad at Link for killing off the one creature that kidnapped her in the first place?

Suddenly, Link used the waker again to kill Aryll. Link then turns his head 180 degrees with an evil grin and says, "They're ALL dead... Game Over!"

"And no, Link, not ALL of them are dead because you still have to kill Ganondorf and your family back at Outset Island and all of the other citizens at Windfall Island." - Saucez, 2021, Top 10 WORST Creepypastas Halloween Special 2021 List for the Dishonorable Mentions section

Also, don't forget the Rito Tribe on Dragon Roost Island, the Kokiri on Forest Haven, and others. You still have a lot to kill before you can say they're all dead.

The screen went to black and message said "you're next" with Link walking slowly towards the screen. The protagonist tried turning off the Wii, but it failed as Link got to the screen laughing with a loud screeching playing before the game went off.
Coincidentally, the console went shut off when you want it to and the whole "you're next" trope.

The incident scarred the player. The protagonist returned to the salesman's house and noticed the guy wasn't there. A jogger came by and said no one had lived there for years.
Don't you just love it when neighbors are willing to tell random kids they pass by about what's going on within their neighborhood like they know everything when they are jogging? And what was going back to the person's house going to accomplish? And wouldn't the police be called if some random guy was having a garage sale at a vacant house? You can't say it was all in the protagonist's head because how do you explain how the protagonist's dad was looking through the garage sale for some "junk"?

The protagonist went to get the game and its case and buried it in his backyard to never see the game again.
Wouldn't it have been better and easier to throw it away if you didn't want to see it again? Because it will likely stick to your mind that you have it buried in your backyard, and you may have the urge to dig it back up. So we have people who are willing to pour holy water on discs, clean their discs to "fix" their cursed games, and now people burying them in their back yard? What even.

And that's the end of the... Zelda Pasta... Another pretty laughably bad pasta, I should say. It's bad, but it's the type of bad that you remember. A lot of bad creepypastas are usually forgettable but this one for me sticks in my mind because I remember how it's written with cliché after cliché.

Does it have potential? Maybe, but it needs a lot of work though.

It's obviously a SPOILED PASTA but one I can remember for how terribly written it is.

A question for you guys, do you believe this was written as a serious attempt at a creepypasta or do you think it was intended to be a troll/LOLpasta from the start? Let me know.

In the meantime, we're going back to reviewing Pokemon Creepypastas again. No worries because this was actually my April Fool's Day special this year.

Description
Note: Please do not harass the original author or anyone who makes content related to this pasta. This review was simply made for entertainment purposes only. This is all based on MY OPINION as well.

Let's continue the review series, shall we?

So, for today's review, we got the... Kill Waker...? Wait, what...?

A... Legend of Zelda... Creepypasta?

I thought I did Poképastas, not Zeldapastas...?

Meh, whatever... let's just review something since I haven't done a review in a while...

---

Pasta Name: The Kill Waker

Publish Date: 2012

Synopsis: After a tragic death from falling, Link was revived and given the Kill Waker that instantly kills NPCs to seek revenge.

Fun Fact: There are mods for Wind Waker that give Link dark clothes as said in this pasta.

Highlight: The King of Black Lions’ dialogue

Quote: “They’re ALLLL dead... GAME OVER.” - Link

---

So, let's begin with the story...

So it starts by saying that the protagonist played Wind Waker and stopped playing for years once they got to the Forsaken Fortress.
Are you talking about your first visit or the revisit to the Forsaken Fortress? I guess I could understand the first visit because you have to go all stealthy without your sword, and it’s tedious for young players. However, wouldn’t that mean you played the game for 30 minutes? I can’t complain since I played Let’s Go Eevee and Pikachu with less time to have G-Max Pikachu and Eevee for Shield.

The protagonist wanted to try the game again, so they went to every store nearby that sells games and still had no luck. The protagonist and their dad went to a local garage sale a week later.
Are people really that tempted to go to garage sales?

The dad looked for junk, so the protagonist went to the kid’s section.
This person had a kid’s section for their garage sale? Talk about being organized for a garage sale.

The protagonist finds a black box labeled “The Wind Waker”.
Ohhhhh, how mildly convenient. It’s like the salesman was spying on you and predicted you and your dad would stop by at their garage sale a week later to get that black box labeled “The Wind Waker”. Real talk here: how many people would want to put old games or movies in blank, black boxes and label what they are? I know some people would do that, but the chance of many people doing that stuff is very slim. Do people lose the original cases or something? I don’t know.

The protagonist took the box and asked the salesperson how much the game was, and they gave it to the protagonist for free.
I know the point of a garage sale is to get rid of stuff you don’t want, but it would be best to try to profit from it. And spoiler alert: the wind waker game is “cursed”. So wouldn’t it have been better to throw it away rather than to have someone else suffer through the “cursed” stuff, especially if you know it’s “cursed”?

The protagonist initially got skeptical, but he didn’t care because he just wanted to play Wind Waker.
Yeah, no suspicion here.

They booted up the game to get a nostalgic feeling. When it got to the title screen, some things were off. There was no music or sound, and the sky was black. The “creepiest” thing was the title, “The Kill Waker”.
The Kill Waker. Maybe you should have me play a song on the waker called the “Requiem of Uniqueness”. But, real talk: couldn’t the author develop something a little more clever? Like, I think one thing the author could’ve done is have it be with the Wind Waker and have the killer ballad be the “Song of Passing” as a play on “passing” being “passing away” or something.

The protagonist asked if that garage salesman’s kid hacked it or something.
A fair assumption, but still a big stretch. Plus, I don't think it would be that easy to hack and modify if it were with the GameCube discs. I could be wrong though.

But the protagonist still resumed playing it. Everything was fine until the part where Link’s sister gets kidnapped by the Helmrock King. The cutscene was supposed to go where Link charges toward the Helmrock King but falls off a cliff until Tetra catches him on time. But Tetra didn’t catch him for this cutscene, and the screen cut to black before Link hit the rock.
I went back to watch that particular cutscene in the vanilla game, and by the looks of it, it doesn’t even look like Link was going to fall onto one of the rocks; he would’ve fallen straight into the water. Then again, this is a “hacked” version of Wind Waker.

The screen was black for 30 seconds, but then it cut to the scene where Link meets the King of Red Lions, except he was red and black and had an evil, scary grin on his face. He said, “Hello, Link! I’m sorry for what happened to you and your sister. I’m the King of Black Lions.”
What a missed opportunity to call him the King of Dead Lions to have it rhyme.

Link’s clothes were black, and his skin was as pale as the moon. Link looked sad, with blood all over him.
So, is Link supposed to be dead and revived or something? Apparently, death can turn your clothes all black. And I know the elephant in the room is the unnecessary use of blood. Yeah, yeah...

The King of Black Lions continued, “You must make the b-tch that killed you pay and that bird too!”
Okay, stop! Stop! The swearing just put the nail in the coffin for this pasta. So cursing in an apparently “cursed” game targeted towards children, even though it’s rated E for Everyone. It’s not even a creepypasta anymore; it’s now a trollpasta because of it. I don’t know; maybe this was intended to be a trollpasta.

“Take this instrument of death and make them suffer!”
It’s quotes like these that intended to creep us out, but it’s more hilarious if anything because of how cheesy it is, given the context we’ve gotten from this pasta so far.

Link retrieved the Kill Waker. There was no description. The boat said he needed a sail. It was nighttime at Windfall Island. It was pitch black with no stars. The NPCs gave Link frightened looks. Any attempts of interaction with the NPCs would result in no text or just screaming. Link went to the salesman with enough rupees to purchase the sail, but he wouldn’t sell it to him.
If it’s nighttime at Windfall Island, then most of those NPCs wouldn’t be outside, and the salesman wouldn’t be selling anything at that time. But again, that’s in the vanilla game.

He couldn’t use the Kill Waker at first until he was able to Z-target the salesman, so he used it on the salesman. The screen was cut to black, and a scream was heard. A textbox read that Link got the sail. When it cut back, the salesman’s head was on the table and he was dead. The protagonist screamed about what happened but then went back to playing.
“Oh my gosh! I just decapitated that salesman!! ......Oh well... happens every Tuesday...”

The protagonist was confused about what happened, so he tried it on the children. The screen went black again and screams were heard. Next, the children were on the ground, with black eyes and tears of blood.
Really? You didn’t like what happened to the salesman, but you tried it again and with the school kids no less? And I’m not going to waste time and put out every time blood and gore is being used because let’s be honest, it speaks for itself.

As sick as it was, the protagonist continued to play the game.
Eh, I’d be curious too. Don’t lie, you would be too. In fact, that brings up a point. Even though most creepypastas are fake, why do a lot of people want to get rid of the “cursed” copy of a game or film? Wouldn’t it be something you could share around to pique interest?

He got back to the boat and they began to sail. The "creepy" part was when they were sailing to the marked location on the map, Link smiled like he was proud of what just happened. The marked location turned out to be Tetra's ship.
How did you get on board with such limited items? Was it by an island to help Link get on board or something?

When Link got on board, the pirate crew tried to kill him. Link used the Kill Waker to murder the crew and it had a lot of gruesome scenery. One had a knife in the eye, one was on fire with an arm missing, and the others were even worse...
Are you guys getting Pokémon Creepy Black vibes from this? This is a lot like the move, Curse which the Lavender Town ghost would use to kill Pokémon and trainers, only that pasta executed the concept way better in my opinion without the use of blood and gore, and it was more believable. Also, you're not going to specific how the other pirates' death looked worse?

When Tetra came to see what was going on, Link used the Kill Waker on her, the screen cut to black, a scream was heard, and then Tetra was shown to be ripped in half as Link kneeled by her body and a textbox says "You got Tetra's heart".
Hahaha. Imagine seeing that with the Item Got Fanfare playing.

When Link returned to the boat, The King of Black Lions said, "Nice job. Now let's go for that bird." So, they went to the Forsaken Fortress to get "revenge" on the Helmrock King.
Wait, wait. In the vanilla game, the wind is facing east at the beginning of the game when you're first at Windfall Island before you get the Wind's Requiem at Dragon Roost Island, which means the wind had to be facing northwest from the beginning. And there is no mention of Link getting or playing the Wind's Requiem in the pasta, so how did he get to the fortress? There are so many holes that don't help the pasta at all.

After getting the hammer...
Wait, the skull hammer? You get that after you beat Phantom Ganon at the revisit of the Forsaken Fortress. But you can't defeat Phantom Ganon without the Master Sword or sometimes an empty bottle. My only assumption is that Link used the Kill Waker on Phantom Ganon. Also, does this mean you stop playing Wind Waker that one time during the revisit of the Forsaken Fortress since you acknowledge the skull hammer and the scene where you meet the King of Red Lions (since it's after your first visit to the Forsaken Fortress)? That's honestly a bit pathetic, not gonna lie because that trip is easier compared to the first, stealthy visit.

Link was sent to the Helmrock King boss battle. Link used the Kill Waker on the Helmrock King after removing the mask. After that, the body of the Helmrock King had no head, as it was a gory mess with blood everywhere, even on Link. That speaks for itself.

Then, Aryll approached Link and said, "I hate you. I hate you. You killed all those people and the bird."
STOP! CUT!

1- In the vanilla game, Aryll gets saved by Tetra's crew and carried away. But it didn't happen here because they're already dead. Fair enough, but if Link had to fight the Helmrock King first and remove its mask, that takes place above the room Aryll was locked up in, and it gets flooded during the Helmrock King's battle. Wouldn't Aryll and those other girls drown?

2- How does Aryll even know Link killed many people if she was locked up in the tower of the Forsaken Fortress?

3- Why would she be mad at Link for killing off the one creature that kidnapped her in the first place?

Suddenly, Link used the waker again to kill Aryll. Link then turns his head 180 degrees with an evil grin and says, "They're ALL dead... Game Over!"

"And no, Link, not ALL of them are dead because you still have to kill Ganondorf and your family back at Outset Island and all of the other citizens at Windfall Island." - Saucez, 2021, Top 10 WORST Creepypastas Halloween Special 2021 List for the Dishonorable Mentions section

Also, don't forget the Rito Tribe on Dragon Roost Island, the Kokiri on Forest Haven, and others. You still have a lot to kill before you can say they're all dead.

The screen went to black and message said "you're next" with Link walking slowly towards the screen. The protagonist tried turning off the Wii, but it failed as Link got to the screen laughing with a loud screeching playing before the game went off.
Coincidentally, the console went shut off when you want it to and the whole "you're next" trope.

The incident scarred the player. The protagonist returned to the salesman's house and noticed the guy wasn't there. A jogger came by and said no one had lived there for years.
Don't you just love it when neighbors are willing to tell random kids they pass by about what's going on within their neighborhood like they know everything when they are jogging? And what was going back to the person's house going to accomplish? And wouldn't the police be called if some random guy was having a garage sale at a vacant house? You can't say it was all in the protagonist's head because how do you explain how the protagonist's dad was looking through the garage sale for some "junk"?

The protagonist went to get the game and its case and buried it in his backyard to never see the game again.
Wouldn't it have been better and easier to throw it away if you didn't want to see it again? Because it will likely stick to your mind that you have it buried in your backyard, and you may have the urge to dig it back up. So we have people who are willing to pour holy water on discs, clean their discs to "fix" their cursed games, and now people burying them in their back yard? What even.

And that's the end of the... Zelda Pasta... Another pretty laughably bad pasta, I should say. It's bad, but it's the type of bad that you remember. A lot of bad creepypastas are usually forgettable but this one for me sticks in my mind because I remember how it's written with cliché after cliché.

Does it have potential? Maybe, but it needs a lot of work though.

It's obviously a SPOILED PASTA but one I can remember for how terribly written it is.

A question for you guys, do you believe this was written as a serious attempt at a creepypasta or do you think it was intended to be a troll/LOLpasta from the start? Let me know.

In the meantime, we're going back to reviewing Pokemon Creepypastas again. No worries because this was actually my April Fool's Day special this year.