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Bark — Chemo
Published: 2015-01-06 02:39:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 676; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 0
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5:30 am, get up and get ready for them to pump poison into my veins. I don’t mind my hair falling out, it’s this damned pain that always returns, no matter what new medicine they give me. Four hours of sitting, doing nothing, then feeling weak and disoriented afterwards. Fun times, huh? I only need thirty-seven naps a day. Try to make myself eat and drink water. 124 lbs I weigh… my girlfriend looks at me with sad eyes. She thinks I’ll die soon. Maybe I will, I don’t know. But for now, it’s off to chemo.Related content
Comments: 84
familiar ... far too clearly familiar ... sans failing supporter
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You had cancer too? Is it gone now?
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Speechless. Its the matter-of-factness of your words that hit me most.
I dont know what else to say.
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there is tomorrow, i ll pray for you, i know the atmosphere of hospitals and the smell, but you are stronger more than all that 
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Thank you! Doing pretty well right now.
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Sounds like something I would have written.
My sympathies. I know the feeling of being drugged and unable to do anything. "It's for your own good" they tell you, but it sucks like hell. I hope you bounce out of this well.
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Sounds like you bounced back pretty well! I hope so. Mine hasn't been as bad as it could be. Still, a week after my last chemo treatment, I'm trying to edit a friend's book, and I have to stop and lie down every hour for an hour or so. That really sucks, when it interferes with work. (Not as sharp, either; I have to keep going over the same sections more than once.)
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I guess I did, though I only remember the more recent ordeal (I had chemo too young to remember). I had to adapt to a heart medicine that made me feel like I was dying when they kept upping the dosage. But, now everything is stable. Nowadays, everything I do needs to go slowly. It's not an easy thing with a kid running around.
I know what you mean about the mind, but I think mine might be due to being mentally unchallenged. Practice (and patience) makes perfect.
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So many... I'm praying you get a number of pain-free years for your labors.
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I'm so sorry Ron - cancer sucks and chemo is really horrible. There is still hope. My grandmother survived and lived well into her eighties and my sister-in-law is a 15 year survivor.
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You're very welcome Ron - great!
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I'm sorry. Atleast you have had this long. My cousin died ten days after being told she had breast cancer. There is always tomorrow.
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So sorry about your cousin. I hope maybe I was diagnosed soon enough for the treatment to work.
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Ya. I hope you get better. My cousin was a missionary in paru so by he time she got to the states it was to late. I hope you get better. On of my mentors had cancer and she was knocking on deaths door but pulled through. Don't give up hope
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I know several people who are going thru chemo right now. Rough stuff... It's truly poison and yet...it can save peoples lives. What a mind fuck.
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Intriguing point.... I'll have to think about this one.
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Thank you. Just a slice of my life.
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Smacks this reader with the power of the unabashed truth. Well written...
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lots of thoughtful and positive comments proceed
mine, Ron. i'll just say, you're in my thoughts,
and that your resilience is almost as amazing as
your grace...
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You always know the right thing to say, Pip. Thanks!
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I wrote a bunch of words and deleted them. They amounted to "Give love to yourself and know that you are loved. And accept the love given you." It sounds easy, but I don't think it is. And all else I can think of is to keep the faith. Another thing that can be hard.
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So far I'm staying positive. No one's given me a death sentence yet, but I'm trying to ready myself for that day, whenever it might come. It's something we all have to face sooner or later. And I know that I am loved, but it is very hard to love myself. Also hard to keep the faith, as I don't really have faith in any supreme being. I really want to believe in something... but what? Anyway, I'm not going to let it get me down. Millions have been through this... I can too!
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That's "keep the faith" as coming from an atheist (i.e., me). I bet you're tired of responding to all of us, by now. Grab a blanket and get that nap.
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I did, overslept... dinners going to be late!
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Ron, there are so many things I want to say, first that I'm sorry you have to go through it. But, also that at least they're trying, and at least you're trying. 'Cause when the doctors want to stop trying, well, that usually isn't so good. Don't let the way anyone looks at you make you feel one way or the other. They don't know. You may outlive us all, including me. There is no number stamped on you, anywhere, that says how many days, or years, or decades you have. Nobody knows that. But here's what else I want to say, and I don't want it to sound depressing or whatever. Have you ever thought about the reception you'll get? When the day comes, I mean. I, personally, hope that all of the people I've loved, who have gone on before me, will be there when I get there. Like the Beatles getting off the plane at Heathrow. LOL. What I'm trying to say is, never give up hope. But, I do want you to find some sort of comfort as well.
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Thanks for this beautiful comment. I'm staying positive, the doctor seems to be so far. I really want to believe that there's a better world waiting, but I'm so afraid that I'll be reincarnated and have to make this trip again!
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I don't believe in reincarnation. I believe once we're gone, we're gone. And I think that we go somewhere wonderful. Somewhere better. Where our loved ones and our friends are awaiting us, but they're not sad, they're happy with whatever they're doing right now, and what seems so long a time to us, is just a nanosecond for them. I want to see my friends that have died, and my family and Kenny and so many more. So, I think, when we die and we get to where we're going, there's gonna be crowds there, just visiting with us, and loving on us. And then we're gonna all go do something else, whether your idea of Heaven is singing eternal praises, or a really good spaghetti dinner, or whatever else. But I think that when we first get there, there's gonna be a lot of people who love us to "meet and greet." And there won't be pain, or sadness. Just, lots of wonderful.
However, as my Mawmaw used to say, "I want to go to Heaven, but preacher, if you're gettin' up a busload right now, I'll just set here on this bench. I don't want to go today, just one day." That was her perspective, and it's mine. I'm not scared to go, but I ain't tryin' to hurry it none either. Fight and beat it's ass. LIVE!!! But know that one day, maybe 30 years from now, there's gonna be a wonderful place waitin'.
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I love your vision, I really hope it's true! You had a Mawmaw too? Okay, I know you're from the south now!
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South Alabama baby! Or you know, LA, Lower Alabama. LOL. I'm a die hard Bama girl too. No orange and blue here. So...are you originally from, or currently from the South? Or is the South transplanted into your soul?
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I've been in Illinois for around nine years, but I spent most of my life in a small town in NC, just above the SC border.
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Lord have mercy. The two of us good Southerners and yet we ended up somewhere cold. That's it. We need warmer weather stat.
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You better believe it! I was out in the cold and snow today wondering why I was here...
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IDK what you listen to, but to quote Darius Rucker, "I'm a long, long way from where I'm from, but baby you feel like home." LOL. It's true though. I've suspected for awhile that you had some South in you. It's your phraseology and expressions you use sometimes. But knowing you "got a country road, Carolina soul", just makes me feel closer in the way I'm sure lots of ex pats feel.
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