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batmanonrobin — Loosing Limbs
Published: 2009-12-03 18:13:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 735; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 6
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Description
sky won't shudder if you losea limb; mountains won't quake.
clouds don't grey, no matter how hard you beg.
the scaffoldings are steady, even when your legs have vanished.
moaning won't make the oceans cave in
and the universe's indifference will break your heart.
but the babies still need feeding, even
when your arms have been lost.
yesterday is gone,
move on.
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Comments: 15
I'm afraid I can't quite offer a good critique but and the universe's indifference will break your heart really got me.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about the babies line - it almost doesn't seem to fit but at the same time it does. all in all I love it (:
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Rocking the assonance I see. Works well in place of rhyme.
TeraLink Was Here!
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wow. i dont know what to say, other than that this caught me off guard; and in the case of literature, thats a compliment
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I'm never very good at saying anything helpful, but I will say a few things. Firstly, I love the visual of the poem, just how it looks without reading it. It's set up very well.
This line particularly got to me. --> and the universe's indifference will break your heart. Indifference is a very powerful word to use and I do believe you used it very well.
The imagery in this is also very vivid and wonderful.
I honestly think that you made your point and made it well.
Ultimately, I loved it. 
Hope that was helpful.
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that was helpful.
thank you, that's
so nice to hear.
xoxo
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You're very welcome. I've always loved your poetry. <3
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I liked very much... The only part I thought it was so-so was that about the babies.
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thank you.
i appreciate it.
although the babies belong.
the babies what what started this poem.
my thoughts: the world doesn't give a shit about you when you're sad. it will tear you apart. but you still have errands to run, babies to feed, groceries to have. you can't let that one idea fuck you.
does that make sense?
thanks for the imput.
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