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Blueskye27 — Venus Descending
Published: 2008-12-05 20:57:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 911; Favourites: 22; Downloads: 7
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Description
Like Botticelli’s Venus,I contemplate
thoughts of you,
big as the sea
lapping at my feet.
In my shell,
I’m invulnerable,
inviolate, but
you lie
beneath me,
a wet invitation
I cannot
resist,
so I will slide from
my abalone
bark in answer
to your call,
sink into
your beckoning
depths
even as I know
I will never
come up
for air
again.
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Comments: 91
This is a great free verse piece. Your classical references were amazing. Love it.
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Showers are always great places to think.
And yes, I realize how long ago this is from.
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Another gorgeous, hungry poem - beautifully worded. You should definitely consider submitting this one.
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You really think so? I hadn't considered sending this one out. I'll re-think it. Thanks.
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Ok. But sending out hasn't done me much good so far. It's a bit discouraging, isn't it?
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Yes. It is. I think we both started too big. We need to submit single poems or small groups into magazines and journals, build up a collection of successes (like a resume). Also to refine what we're writing, cuz let's face it, most of what we both post is pretty raw off the pen. Compare what we're writing to the stuff that is getting published.
Acting is the same way. When I was in college, the going rate was getting cast in roughly 3 of every hundred auditions... Peiople laugh when I say I work at a bank, but damn...
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I agree - I am torn between wanting to "sound like that" so I can get published and saying what I want to say. I think the latter is better in the end. There are so many levels of poetry out there, but the only people who read such journals are academics (no offense) and they want to have certain criteria met, you know? But the journals and stuff in WW have a lot of variety. I am holding out hope and looking to re-up my subscription there.
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Three out of a hundred? Oh, my, I see I have unrealistic expectations. I think you have a good idea. The problem is that I don't like most of what I see in magazines. It's archaic, academic, and dull, so it hardly inspires me to edit until I fit their parameters. I like ours better. Maybe we should start our own magazine.
But that sounds like a good idea. I'll try to think smaller.
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the most irritating thing about getting ideas in the shower is that you can't write them down anywhere except the mirror so they're easily forgotten. i'm glad you have a better memory than i do! : )
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I try very hard to hold on to them in the shower. It doesn't always work, but I can usually keep them.
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I dunno...something elegant here....weird feeling right? Hehehe
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Elegant...I like that. Thanks.
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A beautiful idea none the less. I love the format as well as the words. Stunning.
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for some (sexist) reason, i doubt Venus thought too deeply if at all haha
when you say "in my shell im vulnerable" it seems wrong. a shell protects.
the enjambment of the last stanza was PERFECT. the voice sank deeper and deeper, just as the words descended down the page. so cool. gaaaaah.
was this directed to a female?
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That could be true.
Actually, it says, "in my shell, I'm invulnerable."
And thanks so much. I really appreciate that.
No, not directed at a female though the ocean symbolism might work better that way.
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it seems you took a nice and warming path till you got lost in yourself for a spell.
help help
im drowning in the sex !
That is just my take , but I'm a pervert.
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This is really well written and the word arrangement is cool.
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I loved your use of Botticelli's Venus as a image-based context to to hang the rest of the poem off, I think it works excellently. There's a universally familiar truth to the last couple of stanzas too I think.
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Thanks, Jamie. I thought about adding the image to the poem, but there were too many other characters in the painting that I didn't remember. I'm glad you think it works. I really appreciate it.
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I think the image's associations are stronger because we have to rely on our recall to summon it. We actively process it as we read.
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You -do- get the strangest ideas in the shower.
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I did look at it, but it has all those other figures in it that are a bit distracting...
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No - just one of my weird shower moments.
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