3wyl [2010-11-23 18:36:11 +0000 UTC]

Interesting... I like how you've used ellipses to emphasise the emotion and thoughts... perhaps the person is surprised, horrified... I guess it could be many things.

Part of me feels that you could emphasise the last bit more, either through italics or something, but it's not bad as it is now.

Makes you wonder what the person didn't want.

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Dreamlonging [2010-11-22 02:26:49 +0000 UTC]

oh, I love this! Everyone can imagine something else happening. You really created a whole story with just six words. The dots leave space for the imagination to run wild, while the exclamation at the end makes it clear that something bad happens.

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DJChocolate-Lover [2010-11-21 01:35:33 +0000 UTC]

Very clever

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