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Published: 2010-11-06 06:21:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 410; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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He laid on the grass and she laid there too. Both were looking up, past the tree tops and into the above. It was Spring time and the sky was a bright clear blue with splotches of white-gray clouds that still had some rain left in them, waiting to be let free and fall to the earth, knowing that it would be welcomed with open arms.He turned his head to his companion and searched every part of her face, every hair, every curve, and every speckle. She turned her head then and caught his green eyes looking deeply at her.
"I could've stopped it, you know." He said, never taking his eyes away.
"No, you couldn't have." She countered matter-of-factly.
His fingers traced her dark hair and he closed his eyes for just a moment to remember this feeling. He opened them again and saw that she had closed them too. "I never understood. I thought that if... that if I had been there just a minute before, then none of this would've happened."
"And is that what you still think?" She whispered
He shook his head.
"Sometimes" she began "there are things in life we don't have any option in choosing." Her eyes then looked at him deeply "I didn't it want it to happen either. I don't want you to hurt."
He moved closer to her until they were almost touching their faces. He could feel the grass below them soaking him even more with the morning dew, more abundant in this time of year. He touched her cheeks, softly, caring, and from there traced her face, enjoying the feel of it. In time, his fingers reached her lips and stopped there.
She lifted her hand and took his, entwining their fingers. He dipped in and she lifted her head in response. Their lips met for a short, saccharine kiss, and her head went back down to the wet grass. Both their eyes were glazed over with renewed feelings, but it went no further and there were no words, both just simply taking in each other's presence.
A moment passed and he laid next to her again, in the original position they had started in, although their hands were still clasped together. The seconds could've been minutes, the hours could've been years, but neither of them moved.
She was first to break the silence "I still hurt sometimes"
His hand held tighter in comfort "I know"
And then it was her turn to look at him, but her eyes were more searching "What if... I had been the one there in time? What if I had... just... done something, anything? Do you think it would have made a difference?"
"No" he said immediately and saw the pain reflected in her face. He amended "It's just like you said. Sometimes we can't choose what happens." He wrapped his arms around her tightly as if to never let her go. "And if I could do anything to make you stop feeling this way I would."
Another kiss, this time longer, deeper, and warmer than it had been. "I would do anything" he whispered in her ear, letting their bodies get even closer.
Tears welled up in her eyes and she buried her face in his shirt. There was no sobbing, but the sound of small sniffles came to his ears making his heart ache just a bit more.
More seconds, minutes, or hours passed and the blue sky above them started closing again as the clouds won territory over their celestial field. Small droplets of clear water started falling to the ground and on them, but neither really cared.
He closed his eyes and let the rain sprinkle on his face. It didn't matter though, no amount of rain could wash their feelings away.
The sound of thunder was heard some distance away announcing proof of a storm to come. They laid there still, not caring about nature and one of her displays of power coming towards them. One same thought filling their minds and filling their hearts:
What if...?
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Comments: 10
SilverInkblot [2011-12-25 03:31:25 +0000 UTC]
Hello from #The-Writers-Review
The writing on this is pretty solid - you've got some good lines throughout and are wonderful at describing the interaction between the two characters and saying a lot through those nonverbal cues. We get a real sense of their connection, so much so that having one of them actually say it seems redundant
That said though, there's also a lot of ambiguity as well. If there's a plot, I'm afraid I can't find it. What is it that he could have stopped? Why doesn't she think he could have stopped it? That speculation takes away a lot of the magic the writing style creates for me.
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et141311 [2010-11-09 03:57:06 +0000 UTC]
This is a great written work. I really enjoyed reading it. I got into it the more and more I read. It was easy to imagine that I was right there...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
bones1925 In reply to et141311 [2010-11-09 04:00:02 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and I'm also glad you got really into it.
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belfasterd [2010-11-08 04:55:23 +0000 UTC]
I love this story!!!
but I gotta ask...what are they what if-ing about?
what are they thinking about?
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bones1925 In reply to belfasterd [2010-11-08 05:52:16 +0000 UTC]
If you're asking that, then I've done my job.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Littlehappyllama33 [2010-11-06 13:25:10 +0000 UTC]
What?! What happened to her?! Noes! Did you purposefully make it so reader's had to do "What if she...?"
It was very well written, I'd defiantly like to see more originals! NOW.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
bones1925 In reply to Littlehappyllama33 [2010-11-07 01:06:01 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much!
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icebluemusic In reply to Littlehappyllama33 [2010-11-06 17:52:48 +0000 UTC]
I ditto that. ^^
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bones1925 In reply to icebluemusic [2010-11-07 01:18:05 +0000 UTC]
And thank you to you too!
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