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braceletsofsmoke β Red Ribbons
Published: 2003-08-20 22:25:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 349; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 61
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Description
Red ribbons slide of my wristsFall on the floor in a puddle of crimson softness
A story told from within the ribbons spilled
Liflessly on the floor
Clear diamonds slide down my cheeks
Skin absorbing the priclessness of the moment
Fully aware of how much it is worth
The diamonds join the ribbons and embrace
Brown hair swirling around my shoulders
Catching the remains of those diamonds
Trying hard to save them so magnificently
My ribbons aren't made of slik or lace
They surround me gently
As more diamonds slide down my face
Diamonds turn to rubies
Minutes pass into hours
All the hours you've let slip by
And now you're sleeping softly
As I quietly die
My heart breaks in two
One half for me
One half for you
A piece in my hand
And a piece you let fall
You should have told me you didn't want it
Instead of just letting it go
I wouldn't have taken the time of breaking it in half
Just for you
Now there's not much I can do
Just let the red ribbons fall in place
As these diamonds drown without a trace
See a piece of my heart sprinkled with diamonds on a
Floor where red ribbons are laid
Entwined forever more
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Comments: 17
Beautiful thoughts! You are lucky to be able to express such emotion!
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The colors and textures of this piece are -excellent-. It's so very sad.
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Great stuff. I can't say that I like the first three stanzas greatly (though they're not bad), but the rest of it I really like, especially stanzas 5 and 6 -- great imagery.
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I'm speechless. You put the reader in the moment. I love the concept of the heart broken in two before the cliched "broken heart" takes place. It hurts (so good).
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"Red ribbons slide of my wrists
Fall on the floor in a puddle of crimson softness"
I love that part. I love the imagery you create with that.
"As I quietly die"
With this phrase, I would change it to "As quietly, I die" instead. It just flows better that way.
Other than that, I love this poem. Nicely done.
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yes you did, thats why i gave you credit for helping me. sorry if i credited you wrong. maybe i worded it wrong, i'll see what i can do.
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Please change your description.
The way you have it worded, iris-emotions only offered one or two words or moral support.
Please change your description to reflect that this is a collaboration between the two of you.
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Okay.. that kind of pisses me off.. I wrote more than half of this poem..
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There's a consistency in this piece that I really like. The current of the images is lovely, especially the heart being broken intentionally by the "I", as a gift. It's a nice take on a popular clichΓ©.
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Minutes pass into hours
All the hours you've let slip by
And now you're sleeping softly
As I quietly die
Lovely and sad....very moving. Thank you for sharing this!
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This was amazing...very cutting...I am speechless. Awesome work.
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i love the way u described things so well! it's awesome!
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your descriptions are breathtaking, your words simply beautiful. i could read them over and over again, finding new and more wonderful things each time.
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Oh bracelet you have a way with your words that I cant explain. You are able to draw out your pain so vividly. Its sad really, youve made me feel your pain yet again. You have a way that you see the scene and its haunting.
"My heart breaks in two
One half for me
One half for you
A piece in my hand
And a piece you let fall" this part is genious. Another flawless poem from a great poet.
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