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brokenfragilethings — Monsters
Published: 2013-06-10 09:16:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 326; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 0
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Description The monsters don't
live under your bed anymore.
They don't rattle your closet doors
and scratch at your windows.

They hide in your
pill bottles and sleep
with your razors,
laughing as you choke on
the smoke from your cigarette.

They sit on the toilet
as you vomit whiskey and rum,
counting down the days
until you self-destruct.

They throw flowers on your grave
surrounded by people pretending to give a shit
and tell everyone you were so
fucking beautiful
and that it's okay, because
you're in a better place, now.

Halle-fucking-lujah.
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Comments: 10

Sar-girl [2013-06-16 03:55:45 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful work as always.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to Sar-girl [2013-06-16 18:49:08 +0000 UTC]

I'm honored oh my goodness, thank you so much babe! <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

the-solimnludic [2013-06-10 19:26:38 +0000 UTC]

Couple of technical things - I would remove the comma before "anymore" in the first stanza.
And "self destruct" should probably have a hyphen in between.

No offense taken. Sometimes swearing is appropriate, although I would've only used the f-word once, at the end. That's a pretty strong word.

Overall I liked the idea that our monsters, or fears...evolve over our lifetime.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to the-solimnludic [2013-06-12 02:26:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'll remove the comma, and add the hyphen.
For the comma thing, I always read things with peculiar pauses. So that's why I put them in.
But it probably sounds better without it. (:

And yeah, I know it's quite a strong word, and that's why I wanted to use it twice.
The voice of the poem is supposed to be very, very done.

Thank you kindly, dear. I appreciate the help/words. (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

the-solimnludic In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-06-12 10:30:42 +0000 UTC]

Great!
Twice was just pushing it, but I see what you mean. It'll work! Yup, it adds to the voice.
Hah I do the weird pausing too sometimes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to the-solimnludic [2013-06-13 20:11:07 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I kind of wanted the 'pushing it' affect, if you know what I mean.

And haha! I don't know why, it flows when I'm doing it, and then I read it over and there's unnecessary punctuation.

The struggle. xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

the-solimnludic In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-06-13 20:20:06 +0000 UTC]

Yup!

Haha I know, right!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Cibian [2013-06-10 11:32:00 +0000 UTC]

Lay down, watch some boring tv and BAM! You'll be asleep lol
The true monsters are the bad addictions, the lies, the loneliness, and the pain.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to Cibian [2013-06-12 02:27:12 +0000 UTC]

Haha, I wish it were that easy for me!

And yeah, exactly.

Thank you for the comment!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Cibian In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-06-12 10:06:56 +0000 UTC]

Well ok haha. You can always try a little meditation. =3 That works for me every single time...that I can keep my concentration xD

Your welcome =3

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