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brokenfragilethings — We lost you to sickness
Published: 2013-04-06 03:56:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 297; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 2
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Description I know your broken body is tired.

They used to tell you
when one chapter ends in the story of your life,
another one begins.

Well, you're down to the last few pages of
your chapter, you scream,
and you want a refund because this book
doesn't come with any more.

The outlines of your bones are more prominent now
jutting out angrily against your
tissue paper skin.

Please don't cry, you smile,
because someone has to be the strong one.
I love you, you whisper,
please don't be afraid to be happy without me.

I know your broken body is tired,
so go to sleep, love.
Go to sleep.
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brokenfragilethings - gangrene

brokenfragilethings - 01.
Comments: 9

smallsincerities [2013-04-12 05:38:01 +0000 UTC]

It's kind of sad, how all these important people are taken away from us.
It's kind of ironic, that I just wrote a piece for someone I loved who has gone away.
It's kind of cheesy, but I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, and I mean it.

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brokenfragilethings In reply to smallsincerities [2013-04-13 03:12:23 +0000 UTC]

It really is sad. It just happens, you don't even realize how quickly it happens.

You're very sweet. Thank you kindly.
I'm also (cheesily) sorry for your love that had gone as well. Hang in there.

Thank you for the comment. (:

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smallsincerities In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-04-13 07:31:57 +0000 UTC]

I feel for you. I guess everyone moves on, eventually, if only because that's what he/she wanted.

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andrewpom [2013-04-06 14:20:29 +0000 UTC]

i really like it when you use senses in your poems. the lines about bones and "tissue paper skin" etc are really tactile and moving to read because i can really visualise it. it reminds me of a poem called 'Poppies' by Jane Weir. it's about her missing her son who was lost in war and she describes that sense of loss by utilising touch, smell etc. senses create empathy, is what i'm trying to say...

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brokenfragilethings In reply to andrewpom [2013-04-06 17:26:11 +0000 UTC]

Oh, thank you so much! Imagery is something that I absolutely adore in writing, so I try to throw some in when I can.

Hm, does it? I'm going to have to go read it. O: Thank you!

Yeah, I see. The more involved you feel with something, the more emotions it can provoke, I believe.

Anyway, thank you again dear! x

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nosedivve [2013-04-06 04:24:41 +0000 UTC]

I don't really like the second stanza, however everything else is asdfghjkl; perfectly beautiful. You have some amazing lines in this piece. Very shocking imagery and powerful emotions.

Best stanzas -

"The outlines of your bones are more prominent now
jutting out angrily against your
tissue paper skin."

"I know your broken body is tired,
so go to sleep, love.
Go to sleep."

They both evoke something so strong and powerful. Great imagery in the first stanza and great power behind the emotions of the second one.

Favorite lines -

"please don't be afraid to be happy without me."
"I know your broken body is tired."

When you publish, please tell me so I can buy all of your poetry

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brokenfragilethings In reply to nosedivve [2013-04-06 04:56:11 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the comment! I know, it's not as strong as the others--I was thinking of maybe combining the second and third? Because I really want to keep it in there, it means a lot. You know? But I would like a better connection--blurp.

I really love hearing people's favorite bits, if they have any, on things that I write. I don't know, it just makes me feel really good haha. I'm so glad you liked it.

AW YOU CUTIE. Thank you so much! Haha <3

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nosedivve In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-04-06 04:59:56 +0000 UTC]

You're most welcome. I totally understand why you have it there, and it's just personal reason of why I don't like it. Perhaps shorten that up, summarize the second stanza (if possible) and combine it with the third?

As do I, so I get that.

You're most welcome!

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brokenfragilethings In reply to nosedivve [2013-04-06 17:46:44 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I'll see how it goes. O: If anything, I think I'm just going to end up leaving it. (:

<3

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