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brokenfragilethings β honey bee
Published: 2018-06-13 04:35:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 294; Favourites: 13; Downloads: 0
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Description
when you left me, you didn't really leave me,never mine to begin with, just something honey-sweet
on the back of my tongue, a bee buzzing
somewhere in my chest, weaving through
my ribs.
you kissed my fingers and talked about forever,
about honey-sticky kitchen counters,
milk and bread and apples. burnt pancakes.
the flutter of a curtain, fleeting and almost cold.
when you left me, you didn't really leave me.
something sugar-rotten digs holes into my teeth,
like memories, remnants of something more carving me
from the inside out, decayed,
wound-hot.
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i am tired of this ache.
honey bee, i have to let you go.
Comments: 14
wow i love this <3 especially the third stanza and "something sugar-rotten digs holes in my teeth"
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this means so very much to me! thank you. <3
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You are such an amazing writer. You work with words the way I can only wish I could do.
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that's kind of you to say, thank you !
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Again, some really powerful and excellent imagery.Β The first two stanzas are especially good.Β I do think the 3rd stanza could use a stronger connection to the imagery of the bee. The picture you present is gritty and intense, but I'm just not sure that it fits.Β Perhaps something with that angry trapped be struggling to get out and hurting you in some way.Β It would help with the connection of the last two lines which is the catharsis of the poem.Β When you can finally relax as the reader.Β Anyways, I hope this is helpful.Β Thank you!
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thank you so much for the insight ! i hadn't quite thought of it that way, so it certainly is helpful to get some perspective on things that could be altered. i have a couple of revisions of this piece in the works and i will definitely work on that third stanza a little bit harder, maybe try that angry approach instead of the pain / resigned one i had originally attempted for it. thanks so much again for the comment !! it really was helpful.Β
i'm glad you liked it overall !Β
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thank you!
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THIS IS LOVELY LENA. aaa your writing is truly a blessing to EVERYONE WTF
ilusmΒ stay strong you sweetie!!! ; - ; <3333
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ur so sweet im gunna die I LOVE U
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heartbreak really does suck but youre strong enough to survive. im ready to pledge a life to supporting you and your wonderful writing <33333333333
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I HONESTLY DON'T EVEN DESERVE YOU WTF !!!
you're an angel icb this ?
i'm awful with keeping contact a lot of times but thank you for always being so lovely !!
i hope to chat more soon !! ; w ;
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thank you so much !
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