HOME | DD

brokenfragilethings — only
Published: 2013-07-21 06:35:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 254; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description you pressed your palms against her chest
as if you could reach her heart
through layers of skin
and blood
and bones.

you traced the outlines of her ribs
as if you were looking for the little clasp
that could open them up
and free the trapped birds
fluttering about inside

you slid your fingers down her thighs
as if her kneecaps told secrets
about the curious words that
left her mouth.

you put your hands on her body
and let her believe
that you were learning the way she breathed
as if it mattered
as if she were special

(you kissed the next girl's wrists,
as if she were your only, too)
Related content

[ TEXT ]


brokenfragilethings - gangrene

brokenfragilethings - 01.
Comments: 6

the-solimnludic [2013-07-21 18:02:51 +0000 UTC]

I agree with ssolaris...I just had to let my eyes read that line twice before reading the rest of the poem.

I can almost feel this poem, as in the literal sense of feel. It makes me want to feel it, I dunno. You're very good at this genre, and I'd say without the ending I would have told you this poem is unlike your norm, you tend to always break our hearts like that.
Maybe you could try a sweet poem for once? C: I'd just like to see you do one. But then again, I'm behind in reading all of your poems so maybe you have already posted what I'm asking.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to the-solimnludic [2013-07-21 19:59:38 +0000 UTC]

I'm really glad there's a line the sticks out!
I love when that happens.

LMFAO I'M SO SORRY
I know it wasn't meant to be humorous but yeah I tend to write things that may be perceived as sad I'M SO SORRY
I DON'T EVEN DO IT ON PURPOSE
This, actually, was supposed to be sweet. IT REALLY WAS I SWEAR
But then I was like HmMMMm nope
and the last two lines happened woops.

I could try! I think I've written one or two that are on the sweeter side. I just...I don't really feel any emotional pulls for things that are 'sweet'. I like things that make the heart ache, and I can't seem to feel anything when it's all just lovey-dovey-happy-ending.
I love /reading/ happy endings, don't get me wrong--but I can't seem to write any LOL.

If I haven't posted a sweetish one, I'm going to go through my writing folder on my computer and see if I have any. because I'm /sure/ I've written at least one LOL.

I'll give it a go, if anything C:

Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

the-solimnludic In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-07-24 15:10:57 +0000 UTC]

It makes you feel special.

That's okay! Don't hate yourself for it, it can happen! And then after it does, if you take out the last two, it's going to feel like there's a piece missing, right? Yeah, it's totally fine like that.

I see what you mean. That's interesting. What about starting with an ending that's bittersweet? Maybe I should try to find you some pieces of literature that don't end happy or sad but make you feel something, as an example?

Yeah! I'm sure you have, too!!

Great, no problem!! C:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

nosedivve [2013-07-21 06:38:59 +0000 UTC]

that you were learning the way she breathed

wow, that is such a powerful and beautiful line! i'm like totally in awe of this whole poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

brokenfragilethings In reply to nosedivve [2013-07-21 06:43:14 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I kind of didn't want to make it bitter

but it ended up bitter.

I might change the ending, make it just sweet, but I sort of like the twist. I dunno.


BUT THANK YOU KINDLY YOU CUTIE PATOOT. <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

nosedivve In reply to brokenfragilethings [2013-07-21 08:24:11 +0000 UTC]

I think the ending is just fine, but if you want to fix it that's okay - it is your poem after all.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME! XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0