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brokenfragilethings — seabones
Published: 2013-04-05 06:42:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 1443; Favourites: 52; Downloads: 2
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Description
you told me to walk on waterbut all i did was sink to the sandy bottoms
of the salty sea.
the brackish water stung at my eyes
and filled my lungs,
seeking refuge in the spaces between my ribs.
i remember barely breathing
wet inhales and slow exhales of the briny sea
through slightly parted lips.
my heart was lost in a century-old shipwreck
found through the haze of floating sand
granules that looked like dust in sunlight,
fingers wrapping around wood and forgotten memories.
i wondered if this was death,
ocean water pressing down on the hollows in my chest
world moving in slow motion through teal colored lenses.
you told me to walk on water
but all i did was drown.
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Comments: 81
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
Keep writing and keep creating.
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I definitely did check out the other artists as well as favouriting. They're all such lovely writers! I really appreciate the feature. Thank you. (Once more, since I thanked you in the news article!) I hope you have a lovely day. x
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Aw, thank you darling. x I appreciate it!
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You're welcome^^
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This piece has been featured in my journal: [link] ♥
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Oh! That's so lovely of you. Thank you. <3
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Agshsidhsjs this stanza is perfection & beauty
"my heart was lost in a century-old shipwreck
found through the haze of floating sand
granules that looked like dust in sunlight,
fingers wrapping around wood and forgotten memories."
The last two lines are definitely powerful by your use of repeating the first line & then writing a line about how it all went down, in summary, pretty much. Very powerful.
This poem is very beautiful & tragic. Great stuff.
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B'aww, thank you very much, babe<3 I'm really glad you liked it, oh my goodness!
Yeah, I was going for the repetition aspect to tie it together. I'm glad it went through!
It's definitely meant to be tragic. Thank you again dearie. I appreciate it. <3
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You're very welcome! 
It really went well perfectly & definitely came off as it should.
You're welcome, again.
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HAHAHAHAH THAT WAS THE CUTEST HUGGING ICON I HAVE EVER SEEN. XD
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lol it's my favorite I overuse it all the time (and it's the only other one I know besides : hug : 
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Hahaha, I feel you, man. x'D
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people always say "get better" etc and it ends up making you worse (i remember talking to you about this). or perhaps how happy memories from a relationship end up haunting you when it unfortunately ends. i'm not totally sure but that's how i interpret it.
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Yeah! I actually forgot who I was talking to about it(you! I'm sorry haha) but it was sort of, a teeny bit, the inspiration behind this.
Telling someone to "get over it" and things kind of has the same connotation as "walk on water." It's kind of not going to happen, you're just going to sink. (if we stick to the analogy I used.)
Or something like that, at least! Anyway, yeah. c:
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you must have a short memory c:
but anyway. i think i agree with the comment below that says about changing the second line of the fourth stanza to "sand and granules" instead of having the line break as it is currently. it just sounds smoother, idk. other than that, your writing style is actually very eloquent. more like poetic prose. you should try a form called a 'sestina', it's one of my favourites. might find it suits you c:
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I remember things, but--I don't know. Some things more than others. Although I think everyone's like that.
And, oh, they told me to make the line break between sand and granules. Like, the original line was just straight through
"found through the haze of floating sand granules that looked like dust in sunlight"
And i changed it to
"found through the haze of floating sand
granules that looked like dust in sunlight"
You see? O: That was their suggestion. But I'll definitely see, you know, which I end up liking. I sort of like how it sounds, but I'm always up for suggestions and things C: Thank you!
And sestina, hm? I'll give it a look. Thank you! I love learning new styles. I sort of just fell in love with tanka.
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well you remembered what i said, which is way more important than the guy who said it.
and, oh. "some things i can't read" ~ Simon Amstell. i don't take back what i said, though. although thinking about it, 'sand and granules' doesn't actually make sense because granules are part of a thing and not actually a thing. i feel dumb. ignore me.
try out a sestina, though. or a tritina if you find it too long (they are basically the same structure but a tritina is shorter). no idea what a tanka is, sounds japanese or of similar origin. but yeah, i try different styles all the time although, admittedly, i lose interest halfway through and it becomes free verse again.
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That's also quite true! C:
And haha, don't worry about it. I don't need to ignore it, it wasn't a bad suggestion at all. (:
And I will! Maybe I'll try the shorter one first if anything, and then see how that goes!
And oh, yeah. It's like a haiku, 5-7-5-7-7.
A little longer, though. I have an example, you definitely dont need to read it if you dont want to! No pressure. its the work titled "gifts from a lover", though, if you're interested in the style.
It's short, and quite fun to write!
Oh, but same. Free verse gives me the control over my writing that I like, haha.
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very lovely.
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Oh! Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
And yeah, I noticed that as well--but I really wanted to convey the image, you know? And it was noticeably longer, which irked me for a while, but ultimately I left it.
I'm going to keep trying to figure out some ways to get it across and shorten the length, though. Thank you for the help!
And I'm really glad you enjoyed it enough to comment. It means a lot. x
(Especially since I love your work oh my goodness. I'm honored!)
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i think between sand and granules would make a nice break but ultimately, it's up to you. 
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You know, I'm going to take you up on that suggestion.
I think it looks a lot more lovely.
Thank you again! I appreciate it, dear. x
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I felt sympathetic, reading the whole thing. My ex did something like that to me...he would always try to lift me up, but it always felt like I was drowning, like he was holding my head under a swelling wave...
This brought tears to my eyes. I don't know if that was your intended effect, but well done.
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Oh, wow, I see! I'm sorry for your experience, those are always awfully sad.
Thank you for taking the time to comment!
It was, indeed, intended to be a sad piece. And you were really quite close, honestly.
This was inspired by a conversation I had with someone about depression, actually. How people say "Get over it." But it's kind of impossible, like walking on water. All you're going to do is go under, sink further. And you try, but you're still stuck at the bottom.
You know what I mean? Hopefully it makes sense with the piece, haha.
Thank you kindly, darling. I appreciate it. x
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I have depression. This makes a lot of sense.
You're very welcome. ^^
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I understand completely.
I hope you hang in there, doll. You don't know me very well but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around!
xx
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I have been. Things have been a lot better than they were, and I'm not as depressed anymore.
But if I need to, I'll send a note. thanks.
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That's wonderful to hear. I'm genuinely glad!
Anytime! x
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