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brokenfragilethings — sunken symphonies
Published: 2013-06-21 21:05:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 413; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 0
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Description
More remorse has been spokenover graves
than in confessionals.
So I bled you a song while
you kissed my trembling fingers
and I knew that this foreshadowed
a cloudburst.
Rainwater dripped from your cheeks
as you melted into the sky;
you took the blues in your orbs with you
and I was left with nothing
but rhythm.
We stood in the storm and
you told me that you were too scared
to close your eyes--
so I did it for you.
(I know it hurts to let go.)
The sky died today
or maybe it was tomorrow.
I can't seem to remember, anymore.
Comments: 19
I'm glad! Thank you so much. <3
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This is such a wonderful piece. The imagery that you have created in this piece is astounding, you have such a beautiful writing style, lovely. The opening to this piece is extraordinary, you capture your readers instantly and it really makes them think. The second stanza, however, is probably my favourite.
I love this piece, 
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I really wanted the opening, actually, to make people think.
I wasn't going for offending any religions, and I'm glad it didn't come across like that c:
I'm so glad you liked the second stanza!
I love hearing favorite bits.
Thank you so much for this, darling. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. (:
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i'm unsure as to what it looked like before you went through and edited it, but i believe that as a prototype poem, it's lovely. very well as is, i adore everything from the wording down to the structure.
well done.
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The only thing I edited, that I got suggestions to take out, were roman numerals before each verse (':
That's really the only editing that happened!
But wow, your words are so kind, thank you so much.
I honestly appreciate it, and I'm genuinely glad that you enjoyed reading it C:
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don't mention it. thank you, for writing something so lovely and deserving of praise.
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Thank you so much!
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this is awesome! your really good! im new to this site! but check mine out! i need some help with good ideas and how to write well.
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I appreciate this, thank you so much!
I'm no where near skilled enough to teach, but I'll look at your work! x
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of course! and your amazing! truely! and thank you so much!
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I haven't read a piece as gorgeous as this in a long time. It's very original and has a good flow. "rainwater dripped from your cheeks/as you melted into the sky" - I love this. The only thing I would change is the numerals, I don't think they're necessary to convey what you mean to say. Beautiful
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Oh my! This was so lovely to read--thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I'm afraid your praises are far too high! Nevertheless, I really appreciate it.
I always love seeing someone have a favorite bit c:
You're the second person who's told me about the numerals--I think I'll take them out. I thought they made the piece more visually pleasing, but seeing them without it, I quite enjoy it better, honestly. Thank you! <3
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What an interesting first line.
But even though I frown upon what it's saying, I believe it leads into your poem nicely.
I adore the imagery of the person passing into the heavens, it is truly beautiful.
Rainwater dripping from someone's cheeks...crying rainwater. It metaphorically suggests this person was pure of heart, which I really like.
I can feel the lost mourning going on here, not a unique topic in itself but presented so in a unique way.
The only negative thing I can really try and muster up is the roman numerals. Maybe you don't really need them to break up your flowing, gorgeous piece. I think they might be overused from time to time with poets. Admittedly, I looked at this and thought, "Oh, the roman numerals again." before I got absorbed by its beauty.
Just a thought, and I apologize if it was slightly harsh. C:
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Thank you C: I appreciate how you can look past it for a moment to see the rest of the poem--an open heart leads to happiness, I believe c: (I really like how you're not like "THAT'S WRONG." It's very kind.)
Although, I do feel bad sometimes when I use ideology that not everyone agrees with. But everyone's different, you know? The funny thing is, I'm not even an Atheist.
Oh! I didn't intend it that way, honestly--but it's refreshing to see it as such! I actually just meant the person turning into a metaphorical sky, because they're dying. But honestly I'm so glad it can be interpreted in a 'heaven' sense as well!
Not harsh in the slightest! I appreciate your constructive criticism. I've never used the numerals before--to be honest, I just wanted to see what the hype was about haha. I don't really write with separations, so I wanted to see if I could c':
I'll think about taking them out! See how it looks, play around with it a little.
THANK YOU DEARIE<3
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Thank you so much! Happiness is always good. 
Well, yeah! I saw it as they're becoming part of the skies/heavens, and then entering into heaven.
I know what you mean! I've wanted to try them too, yet I'm not really sure when they should be used.
That would be good! Don't feel obliged to take them out!
No problem. (:
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I think this is lovely just the way you have it.
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AHHH Thank you so much! I honestly appreciate it<3
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