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carvingbackbone — you say i need appeasing..
Published: 2008-10-17 00:00:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 1018; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 17
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...when i start to cry.
just let me cry.
i haven't in years.
these tears are warranted.
i can't hold them back any longer.
stop telling me to stop.
stop telling me i'm weak.
stop breaking me down.
stop denying this need.
this hurt.
this ache.
this loss.
how can i give myself permission to cry if you won't?
i hate you for this.
i hate you for robbing me of this.
you've stolen something more than innocence.
you've robbed me of feeling.
how can i heal if i can only hurt?
i've got to get it out,
but you won't let me.
shun me.
hate me.
despise me.
it's no wonder i've never been able to love you.
....but i guess that's okay, because the feeling's always been mutual.
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Comments: 61
my dad, my coaches, my brother, my whole family....friends -- i can't think of anyone who's not said that to me at one point or another.
...and the funny thing is?
i never cry
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I'm sorry. 
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that's okay -- and i haven't been able to cry since that one night when i posted that. it's a once in a lifetime chance
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Is it that you don't want to, or is it something else?
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don't want to, can't, i don't even know???
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awe, sweetheart.
if you need to cry, you simply need to.
don't let anyone tell you any different.
even the strongest people need to break down sometimes.
<3
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aw, thank you so much sweetheart
i actually did break down the other day -- and it officially killed. but i needed to do it.
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if you need to, its always the best thing.
even if it hurts : /
I love you. I hope its alright now.
At least tolerable <3
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aw, thanks mandie
it's getting a little easier, thank you dool
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beautiful work of art, once again. the words are simply wonderful, i can't think of any word that dose them justice.
you know i am here for you, even just to be a person to listen. take care love. *hug*
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thank you very very much
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great GREAT pictures by the way.
i love how your eyes look like some form of light in the darkness.
i really REALLY like this one.
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aw, thank you so so dearly
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you're very welcome
you mean so much to me
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and you mean so much to me
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Ahh...it feels so good to get out the tears we've been wanting to cry.
It does make us feel better for the moment i will say, but we all end up still having to face reality one day or another. Tears do help us feel like we've gotten everything out, but we still have to cope with what lies ahead. Sometimes the tears get rid of the feelings...then other times we may not be that lucky...
and the overall problem still doesn't go away...
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thank you so much for your words and thoughts -- i couldn't agree with you more and it's nice to hear someone who understands and feels the same.
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It's funny. we often go through situations thinking "i'm the only one who is suffering this much" when in all reality there is someone out there suffering the SAME amount of pain as you are. someone who knows how to deal with the same situation too. and how comforting that truly is to know someone out there cares and understands!
Paul writing to the church of God in Corinth:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we have recieved from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
-2 Corinthians 1:3-7
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goodness, your words are so wise and true -- im inspired every time i listen to you. thank you for all you share and encourage with -- all your understanding and compassion
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I'm glad you know how I feel everytime I talk to you, dear
As I have told you before, you leave me speechless and inspired.
I know you do the same for everyone who looks at your work. Am I right?
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this is true -- you know me too well
you are still so wonderful
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thank you. I appreciate the complements coming from such an older person than me
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how old are you? 21? 22?
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umm...only because im just 13 so idk..big age difference.llol
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age means nothing to me
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Wow that picture is beautiful... are those "real" tears?!
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thank you very much -- and theyre 100% real
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Wow... they look so awesome!! I know it's real hard to photograph that kind of things so close!
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i completely agree, it wasn't easy -- especially since i was crying and trying to hold the camera at the same time...yeah, awkward
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hehehe totally... but... you took the picture yourself?!! I would have thought at least someone took it!! It really must have been hard!
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no way, i take all my pictures
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cool! hehehe something new I learn from you! 
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I went through a few years where i couldn't cry.. and then something happened and i did, and i felt a little better. Months later i was able to do it again, and then I cried every day for almost two months. I think that's what happened.. i was somehow able to let go of everything that hurt.. and after that I was happy. Content. Peaceful.
I hate to suggest inducing tears, but they DO heal as you said. There's a certain CD that makes me cry, some people have movies or books. I remember every time I read "Where the red fern grows" when I was little, i would cry at the ending. "New Moon" by Stephanie meyer makes me cry.
If you can find your triggers in a quiet, safe environment.. i think you can heal. it will hurt like hell while you're doing it, but afterwards the weight just...vanishes.
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thank you very much for your suggestions.
today was an awful day, which is actually great -- because in therapy today, i just sat there and cried for about 30 minutes straight. i can't remember the last time i've done that. it was cathartic, but felt horrible at the same time. i didn't even say anything -- he just asked me what my bracelet said and i lost it. i just started to cry and couldn't stop. i wasn't sobbed or heavy crying, but this frequent stream of tears just kept rolling down. though, i kept up with wiping them away before they came too quickly, they still just kept coming. with every blink another round.
so, though that's not exciting for you (and certainly was "exciting" for me by any stretch of the imagination) but i thought you'd at least to be interested to know it finally happened.
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I'm so glad it happened, dear, and thanks for sharing it with me.
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*gets slepped in the face by your image and words*
I SO know the feeling.
Afriad to let go of your tears because of someone else...
feeling like you
SHOULDNT
CANT
WONT
but yet WANTING to so much
even though your scared..
yep..
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goodness, i hate that you have to relate to this so much, but at the same time am grateful to have someone who understands and connects. thank you for your words
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Oh, that eye, that eye with so much hurt and so much pain and so much longing. But it is such a beautiful eye, because you don't understand what it means to see the brightness and the light until you've been in places so dark you can't see at all.
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aw, i don't even know what to say. that you care and see so deeply means the world to me...just everything. thank you for caring as you do and understanding like i couldn't imagine
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I could write something very similar to him.
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aw, i'm sorry you have to understand
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