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Chaoder — Bottles
Published: 2007-09-13 04:01:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 246; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description A boy is sitting on a stump, leaning his back onto the tree right next to it. His eyes are lazy, his position lax, his left hand loosely holding an empty bottle, covering up the name. His hair a mess from leaves and wind, showing he had been sitting there for quite a while.

A girl who had gone bald from cancer appeared before him and asked "Why are you sitting there?"

The bottle in the boys hand slid a little, however, not enough to be a noticeable difference.

An old war veteran, missing one arm and a foot and using a crutch to stand, appeared beside the girl and asked "Why are you sitting there?"

Again, the bottle slides down the boys hand lightly.

A man, who had lost his job, house, and family, appeared beside the other two and asked "Why are you sitting there?"

This time the bottle almost fell from his fingers, but a tear on the wrapper caught his scratched fingernail.

A bullied and abused kid appeared beside the three and asked "Why are you sitting there?"

The rip holding the bottle to the boy's finger opens wider and the bottle falls to the ground. His eyes close.

A boy and a girl appear in the distance of the forest, running in the general direction. Huffing and puffing, they search frantically for him. The girl spies a boy leaning against a tree, sitting on a stump a little ways away and points towards him. Both of them start saying a name quietly, moving closer and closer to the boy. They walk through the four visions and they disappear just as suddenly as they had appeared. The two people never saw the visions, for they weren't there for them.

The girl notices the bottle in the leaves and bends over to pick it up. "Oh no... he didn't...."
        
The boy responds "He did."

She stands up and chucks the bottle at a tree, where upon impact it shatters. She begins to cry and runs in the direction that she had come from. The boy sullenly watches her run, and then turns toward the corpse on the stump. Alone, with no one to see him cry, he opens up. Crying, hurting, he falls to his knees and wonders what the hell went wrong in the life of this boy who had everything a normal kid should want. The boy on the stump didn't even know that answer.

And neither do I.
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Comments: 17

allein21 [2008-01-11 03:07:24 +0000 UTC]

Well, I suppose I can't complain about people checking out written deviations if I don't do it myself!

I'm going to ignore the fact that you posted it in September... hope you don't mind belated comments!

I like the detail you used, especially in the beginning of the piece, to describe your protagonist. Nice job.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to allein21 [2008-01-11 04:06:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks a lot. Literary stuff really does not get as much credit here on dA as it deserves.

And no, I don't mind belated comments. xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ColossalCaos [2007-12-05 01:23:22 +0000 UTC]

Wow. Thats real drifrent... I like it...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to ColossalCaos [2007-12-05 04:04:50 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ColossalCaos In reply to Chaoder [2007-12-05 20:10:07 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome

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Sudden2 [2007-09-18 03:33:12 +0000 UTC]

Incredibly powerful, very awesome piece. You should keep writing.

Seriously good job man.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to Sudden2 [2007-09-18 04:49:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Scott.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

00018 [2007-09-14 23:33:10 +0000 UTC]

that was really well done. I feel like I know more know.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to 00018 [2007-09-15 00:15:28 +0000 UTC]

Know more about what?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

00018 In reply to Chaoder [2007-09-19 00:29:19 +0000 UTC]

good question.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

xylotehwarrior [2007-09-14 00:51:00 +0000 UTC]

awesome, dude

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to xylotehwarrior [2007-09-14 01:02:27 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, but it's not that awesome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

xylotehwarrior In reply to Chaoder [2007-09-14 05:47:27 +0000 UTC]

in any case, i really like it. it's very atmospheric

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Gliss45 [2007-09-13 04:06:36 +0000 UTC]

mm....this is an interesting read. I liked the flow of it. Is it non-fiction or just a conceptual piece?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaoder In reply to Gliss45 [2007-09-13 04:08:17 +0000 UTC]

Conceptual.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Gliss45 In reply to Chaoder [2007-09-13 13:21:25 +0000 UTC]

Nice. You had really great voice in it, then. ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DitchingReality [2007-09-13 04:05:51 +0000 UTC]

Wow....your poem was just.....wow...I am blown away.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0