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chugglepuff — Reflections
Published: 2009-11-08 19:39:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 982; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 7
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Description
This love is an extended metaphor,perhaps claiming that a bumblebee
is a cumulus cloud (or, indeed, the other way round)
—both too heavy to hang as they do in the sky,
great weights oblivious to gravity,
and with an air of steady certainty
that they are keeping the world ticking over,
a self-assured busyness
from which we must forever be distant.
We delight in bright images,
in suddenness and new discoveries—
the coming together of two things
so different and so alike.
Exploring our creation,
we go further, delve deeper,
observing how both cloud and bee,
though bold, though bulky,
are, at the same time, delicate,
fragile, intricate; we imagine
how implausibly soft they must be,
how they can be overlooked
by people who do not take the time
to appreciate the world.
We spread into other senses,
begin to lose the ambiguity
of what was started with such nonchalance.
And it is here we start to falter,
here that I say thunder is the bee's buzzing
and lightning its sting, that honey
is a rainstorm after drought—
for you point out that bumblebees
do not make honey, and it is
cumulonimbus clouds that are
associated with storms.
We are shaken, but continue regardless,
go back to something already ascertained:
both hover with such apparent ease,
both drift on summer zephyrs—
but here, again, we lose our way
as I remind us both that the bee
must beat its wings to stay afloat,
while the cloud is merely buoyant.
We pause, doing our best to think
of some unused comparison,
and, in our pausing, it grows ever clearer
that this love is an extended metaphor,
and bumblebees are simply not clouds.
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Comments: 37
First off, I find that this poem, Reflections is both a wonderful play on words and a very creative metaphor. Love is a powerful theme, and as such, it has been approached, with varying success, time and time again. What the writer has done in this poem is something I feel takes a fresh look at an old concept.
The poem begins tentatively, stating one's intentions, with no false pretenses, much like the way a true, romantic courtship is begun. The narrator remarks with quiet admiration the simple seeming state of things: "the coming together of two things/ so different and so alike." It is a love story in three parts, and this is the seemingly innocuous beginning.
It's a rhythmic flow of words, chosen carefully, and it reflects the thoughtfulness of the narrator- he wants to be careful with his precious love. I love the sometimes rhyme in the second stanza. "...both could and bee/ though bold, though bulky/ are, at the same time, delicate/ fragile, intricate." The narrator weaves his words like a lighthearted song, one of first love.
"We begin to lose our ambiguity/ of what started with such nonchalance." Without breaking the flow, the second act begins. It is the time of doubt, the time of asking oneself what you're really getting into, and the lovers become fearful.
But it ends well, the lovers pull through, with grace and fluid alliteration. And the end is tweaked, the great irony revealed- love is not a metaphor. Love is love, and it something that can only be experienced. in this poem, it is with sincereity, and an air of sweet reminiscence.
The only suggestion that I'd like to put forth, is that the second party, the "you" in the poem, be addressed or referred to somehow in the first stanza. It jumps from an apparent third person POV to talking about "we"- the narrator addressing his/her love. This may throw off the reader a tad, since at first the readers may assume they are being addressed directly, when this is in fact not the case.
Incidentally, I personally enjoyed the fact that the specifics about the two in love weren't made a point of. It could be two children or older adults, a man and woman or men and women, and nothing would need to change. It's the story of love that is a part of the human experience, and it has a nice clean resolution.
Also, the ending mentions simplicity, mirroring or echoing the beginning simplicity of entering the love, being naive, and turning it into some serendipity.
All in all, and excellent poem.
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Thank you so much! For taking the time to write a critique, and for the kind words, and for the useful advice! I really appreciate it!
I was uncertain, when I wrote it, if I should have some uses of first person in the first stanza, but the only way I could think of at the time rather muddled the metaphor and I decided to just try it like this, but I think you're quite right, thank you for picking up on it! If you wouldn't mind giving me your opinion once more - what do you think about changing "It is all bright images at first,/ suddenness and new discoveries" to "We delight in bright images [at first?],/ in suddenness and new discoveries"?
Thank you once again!
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Wonderful as always.
A bit 'geek love'. I like geek love.
I'm sorry this is not an intelligent or well-worded comment. It is an intelligent and well-worded poem.
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This is hilarious and deliciously put together at the same time!
The abuse of extended metaphor is truly well done as the further it goes, the more ridiculous it becomes, while at the same time always managing to still make more sense.
The assonances are wonderful and the rhythm flows beautifully.
Delightful! (like honey on a raining day)
Matt
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Brilliant.. concept.. must.. fave
"Our love" sounds better to me. I'm not sure on where to put the "that", I'm left wondering if you really need to use it at all. In fact, I'm afraid that's the only suggestion I can offer: I feel that it's possible to go through this piece and improve its power by cutting back on a few words. For example, I personally would say "and it is cumulonimbus clouds that associate with storms".
Overall, I loved it and had lots of fun reading it
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Aw, thank you!
Thanks ever so much for your thoughts on this - I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your opinion. I think in general the vote has been towards "this love", and I admit I've now got so used to it this way that I'm not sure I'd want to change it... 
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This reminded me why I don't write poetry. (This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just is.)
I like the use of bumblebees (especially that they return in the last verse).
But there is something about your format that seems a bit off for me. I like that you are using your own sort of style, but it seems like you couldn't decide between prose and poetry.
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Thanks very much for your thoughts, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your opinion. 
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I wasn't speaking of the indentations, I really like their use, but rather the way the poem flows. Of course, you can get away with just about anything in poetry, but I can't figure out your rhyme scheme.
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Oh, I see. Well, there wasn't a rhyme scheme at all - it's freeverse - and any rhymes that turned up were generally just because I liked the sound of the words together (I am a big fan of assonance and consonance
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Well, that explains a lot xD
At first, I thought it was free verse, but then you have moments of rime.
Anyway, I do really like your deviation.
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I love the direction you took this prompt! Instead of just creating a metaphor, you've analyzed it - and in verse, no less. My writer's brain is tinkled pink! I also love the sparing amount of rhyme used in this. Throwing them in here and there kept the reading interesting without making me groan at a bunch of forced rhymes. Wonderful work
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You have just the right amount of silliness and sincerity. I suspect that sometimes the bumblebee and the cloud can love in harmony when the relationship is less about similarities and differences and more about wanting the best for each other. I married the sort of guy who'd burst the bubble by pointing out that bumble bees don't make honey. Anyway, I just love this.
'This love' has a nicer ring to me than 'our love'. 'This' also puts a hint of distance to the love under discussion, whereas 'our' is intimate.
'That' coming at the end of a line, ending would create a pause or stop, because of the 't' at the end, where you may not want one (as opposed to ending with the long 'e' sound of 'certainty', which flows into the line below).
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Thank you for this lovely comment! 
Mmm, I really like that view of relationships.
And yes, I agree with you on both points! I wasn't sure what it was that I liked about 'this love', but you have hit the nail on the head there with your proverbial hammer of knowledge. 
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You're welcome. You are exacting, but in a charming way. (As opposed to others, such as my ex who could be blunt or even rude with his criticisms). You're always contructive, respectful and helpful! 
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I love the meandering thoughts and the subject matter.
I like the sound of 'this love' better than 'our love'. I do not see anything wrong with the lines you are puzzling over. They read fine to me.
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Brilliance!
You've linked together the process of making an extended metaphor, with the (example) metaphor itself. A metaphor within a metaphor. :3
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First of all, I love the metatextual side of this poem. You speak of love, yet you also speak about the subject of your poem and this workshop. Genius !
Also, you incorporated two lexical fields(Bees and Clouds), meaning to compare them just as you were doing with love and the extended metaphor, but the fall of the poem has a nice twist where the conclusion is anti-sophistic (wow, does that word exist in english?) I mean, you tried to compare bees and clouds. And although that both have an aerial side (clouds are in the aire, bees are in the air), but bees are sur not clouds. It was indeed a nice way to end it.
I felt like you ended up saying: that as many metaphors as we might make, imagination and reality are opposed. But it may not be that... I don't want to impose a meaning to your deviation...
My favorite lines:
-"We spread into other senses,
begin to lose the ambiguity
of what was started with such nonchalance."
-"as I remind us both that the bee
must beat its wings to stay afloat,
while the cloud is merely buoyant."
I don't know what to say to help you perfect this. I love it this way.
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I especially liked the format of the poem, switching back and forth between the outer and the inner strains. It took a few times (3?) reading the first stanza before I finally trusted it enough to continue, but once I was in I loved it. As someone who usually isn't a fan of poetry, that's a huge compliment from me.
I also liked your informed (?) attitude about love/relationships. They can start out feeling so perfect, but not everything was meant to last. Really, putting anything (anyone?) under close scrutiny can make it fall apart. And if it starts as something as fragile as a metaphor, as pretty as it is, it's bound to fail.
Hm...I didn't mean to make it sound so dismal... Oops?
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i love this, both for the language and the idea-it's clever and funny and it really describes that part of love where we seek to construct links and similarities that don't exist- because we know they must exist, in that both parties believe they do....
It also made me wish that , as you can find a spent bee and pick it up, touch it and examine its intricacies, you could somehow also hold a small cloud and do likewise.... holding your hand out into the rain is as close as you can get, I suppose.
I'd love to be able to put a tiny cloud in a box and post it to someone.
So I loved this. It's given my mind something delightful to chew and worry at today, thankyou.
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I don't know... I love the comparison of a bumblebee and a cloud...but I'm not exactly sure how that ties into the "our love is an extended metaphor"... Oo;; maybe it's just me..
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Thanks for your thoughts! The bee/cloud comparison was just meant as an example of extended metaphor... Wherever I've bothered describing the bee and cloud, it is intended to show a stage in the relationship (and, indeed, the author's progress with the metaphor). I'm sorry it wasn't clear...
Again, thank you very much for the comment!
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Beautiful work 
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Thank you very much - both for the kind words and the fav!
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You've hit every nail on the head here, pure brilliance. You've injected such vigor into every line, I was swept away by your comparisons and kept astray by your unique blend of silliness and sincerity.
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The title is better with a touch of ambiguity. Your formating is interesting, if not particularly relevant. If you were to stick with the extended metaphor theme, you wouldn't mention it.
Just don't start writing "This chromatin is an extended metaphor ..." - Professor often lack a certain sense of humour.
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Mmm, I prefer the double-meaning-ness of the current title. The formatting was intended to clarify the poem a little, so the bee/cloud metaphor doesn't get muddled (too much) with the love/metaphor metaphor... Though it seems it still isn't entirely clear to some people.
Mmm, I think you may be right about that one - not necessarily that they lack of a sense of humour, but certainly that I don't be the one to test this hypothesis. Though chromatin would be a good metaphor for a lot of things, were people to have a clue what I was talking about.
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this looks like it was fun to write 
I'm fond of the last stanza
the sincerity and 'silliness' works very well I think, I feel engaged, while the subject matter, although presented playfully, makes that concentration far from idle, carrying me to the end - and so the equilibrium of seriousness and fun is perfectly balanced
Its refreshing to read poetry that isn't complete dirge or of pessimistic concern
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It really was such fun to write, it is wonderful when both time and inspiration coincide.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful compliments; I'm really glad you liked it.
And as for "dirges" - they need to be written more than this sort of self-indulgence. Besides, it will never do anyone any good to write a poem that you aren't in the mood for.
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I'm trying desperately to think of something constructive to say, but all I can say is 'Wow! That was so bloody amazing, well done there!'
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