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Claw-Ravenscroft — Body Modification
Published: 2007-08-10 13:43:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 2791; Favourites: 21; Downloads: 7
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Description
Paint your skin in several colors.Pierce every part of you with metal.
Plug implants under your skin.
Cut deep into your flesh.
Refrain:
Change your body.
Pimp your body.
Hurt your body.
C'mon, waste your body.
Boost your lips.
Size up your boobs.
Correct your nose.
Slim your hips.
Change your body.
Pimp your body.
Hurt your body.
C'mon, waste your body.
What is next?
Amputate your legs?
Plug cables into your head.
Go, become a Cyborg.
Get better, bigger, thinner, faster.
Change your body.
Pimp your body.
Hurt your body.
C'mon, waste your body.
You're just a puppet now.
When have you lost your feelings?
No matter, just get better, bigger, thinner, faster.
Change your body.
Pimp your body.
Hurt your body.
C'mon, waste your body.
What is wrong with us?
Why is it never enough?
We can not love ourselves like we are
Change your body.
Pimp your body.
Hurt your body.
C'mon, waste your body.
Get better, bigger, thinner, faster!
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Comments: 52
great idea and meaning... extremely well written and thought out lyrics! very cool!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I have difficulty in judging this work because, as you say, it's supposed to be a song. The music of a song can really create a strong rhythm so that it's not as important to have a rhythm to the writing itself. I can't really grasp the rhythm here, but I suppose it doesn't really matter since this isn't the intended medium.
Some of your word choices are awkward. "Boost your lips" seems strange. Other places where it's a little odd are with "plug". "Size up" is correct but odd and should probably have a hyphen.
The line "when have you lost your feelings" is really in need of work. changing "when" for "why" would work. So would "when did you lose your feelings".
Regarding the topic of the song, it just seems superficial. The "amputate" line is a good example. It's just rampant exaggeration and doesn't really make an interesting point in my opinion.
There are a lot of interesting questions to be explored regarding body modification, like identity and self-image and self-esteem. This poem really didn't address anything interesting.
It might make a fine song, but as poetry, I don't think it's good. It's also not bad as far as poems go, it's just unexceptional.
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The lyrics are quite provocative and visceral. I understand that you used the cyborg stanza to show the loss of humanity, but it seems to stand out from the otherwise biologically pungent feel of the song.
Overall, I liked this song.
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It already has its own rhythm and sound, so it speaks on itself. I liked the feel, liked the motives. It feels very sarcastic in a good way both the song, and especially as you read it like a poem 
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oo, social comments galore.
i's good!
is there any music that goes with it? (written, i mean)
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A friend of mine is momentally making the music for it. But it takes some time.
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i'd love to hear it sung.
voices only, or some instrumentals?
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with instruments, he said. I'm excited to hear it too. ^^
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He's currently reinstalling windows.
And he's sorry it takes up so much time.
Yes indeed, sorry.
Life seems to keep getting in the way.
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Thought-provoking, some powerful lines in this and great use of repetition. With the line "You're just a puppet anymore" in my experience, it would normally be "You're not a puppet anymore" or "You're just a puppet now". Other than that, very good!
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oh cool. thanks. I'm german, so I can make mistakes in english, thanks for the correction. ^^
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I was thinking "you're just a puppet, nothing more"
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sounds cool.
I'm so excited to hear more.
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Well, I just repaired my PC today T_T
But, I'm going to try and sing the lyrics soon, my cold is fading ^^
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I'm so excited.
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And you don't even want to know how terribly guilty I feel about not being able to finish it in the time-quota I tried to put.
Anyways, I'm going to try and sing ALL of the lyrics TOMORROW!
I WILL DO IT TOMORROW!
This is a promise, the instruments and vocal editing will take a few more days, my friend peter will try to adapt an instrumental style from Such a Surge, but we're not sure if it will turn out properly, tell me, what is your favorite song from Such a Surge again?
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my fav song... hmm....
I love the songs from the album search effect.
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Quite true-- if body modification is your thing. Everyone's views should be respected, and this is a great poem for that.
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Interesting commentary on a controversial topic. What were you thinking of getting?
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Sorry, whatb do you mean with:
What were you thinking of getting?
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In your comment you said you've been thinking about body modification. Were you thinking of getting something modified?
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oh, I want to have some more Tattoos and maybe one or two piercings.
I'm not so sure at the moment, because my boyfriend doesn't like the idea and he would like it more if I would pump up my breasts. (I just have AA)
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i really like this one, i can relate to a lot of the things you've mentioned in it. i especially like the repetition of "change your body. pimp your body. hurt your body. c'mon, waste your body." it's catchy and it works really well
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Strong message, nice
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Hey, this is actually pretty nice
I might be able to actually make something out of that........
Mind if i use those lines for an upcoming song of mine? (and what kind of instruments would you like, acoustic, or more metal guitar kind of thingy's?)
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I thought about a sound more like Such a Surge. Hard guitare riffs and Rap with Screaming parts and so...
You shoud listen to Such a Surge, they are really cool.
I'm excited to hear what you do with it.
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It'll take me quite some time, and i have to get some help from an expert (an REAL expert) i know ^^
But that was exactly the kind of thing i wanted to make.
I'll try downloading all of their stuff, and try their sound a little bit.
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ok, cool thing. I have another songtext that style, but german. If you are interested.
It's really cool you make that song. I'm so excited to listen. ^^
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Like i said, it could take some time.
And i'm no elite singer, though with enough computer editing, i could make my voice sound nicer......
Hey, as long as it helps the quality of the song.
And don't give me the other song just yet, this one is going to take up quite a bit of my spare time as it is.
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a bit preachy and blunt for my taste. The commanding, authoritiative voice seems a bit juvenile to be so preachy --like pop-punk or something.
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It's more like Such a Surge. My peoms are normally not that blunt, but my songs are mostly more agressive.
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This was good, but I'm a bit confused. Were you promoting all this? And there were a few grammatical errors in there ("ourselphes")
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ups. sorry for the grammar errors. I'm german.
Well, I'm not really promoting, but I can't tell I'm against all of it, because I'm tattooed.
I'm a bit afraid of all this strange stuff our sociaty is running into.
So many girls have plastic surgerys nowadays and there are so many tattooed and pierced people.
And because this is running through my mind the last few days I thought I should write a critical song about it.
To be honest, Good Charlotte is to blame a bit for that (because I'm strange, you don't need to understand that). I heard a lot of Such a Surge today, so I got lots of Inspiration.
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I have been trying to change my body all my life too. So this entire song makes total sense to me.
I used to be 200 pounds. I am now down to 135-140.
I worked so hard to lose all that weight. I still feel I could lose a bit more. I guess its because I want a more male shape than a female one. :/
All I want is to have a male body shape. I hate being a female.
Your song reminded me of all that... sorry.
But indeed this is very good. You think cleverly of the world. Since the world will never be happy with the way it looks.
Ginger
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I can understand you. I wanted to be more male too once. But now I'm taking the pill and I have no problems to be female anymore. I guess it's because of the hormones.
I guess everyone tries to change it's body somehow.
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indeed. n_n I understand. You are very talented. Don't give up on what you want. I guess thats what makes us all human.
We will all ways want change. Either its our environment or for our selves.
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you are all ways welcome. n_n
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