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ClickClickBangUKugly for a reason

Published: 2010-02-19 10:11:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 76396; Favourites: 1165; Downloads: 0
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Description THANK YOU SO MUCH for the inspiring comments and revelations and laying bare, many of them have left me speechless and several have reduced me to tears. thank you @leaf-lover for giving me a DD on probably the one photograph in my gallery i hate, but i do understand why!

for those who have asked, the quote that was given to me by my tutor which led to this picture is:
‘A photograph is both a pseudo-presence and a token of absence. Like a wood fire in a room, photographs – especially those of people, of distant landscapes and faraway cities, of the vanished past – are incitements to reverie*. The sense of the unattainable that can be evoked by photographs feeds directly into the erotic feelings of those for whom desirability is enhanced by distance. The lover’s photograph hidden in a married woman’s wallet, the poster photograph of a rock star tacked up over an adolescents bed, the campaign-button image of a politician’s face pinned on a voter’s coat, the snapshots of a cabin-driver’s children clipped to the visor – all such talismanic uses of photographs express a feeling both sentimental and implicitly magical: the are attempts to contact or lay claim to another reality.’ (Sontag, 1979:16)




EDIT-i'm seriously gobsmacked and touched by the lovely, positive, inspiring comments i'm getting on this image. i certainly wasnt expecting it. thank you so much everyone, it means an awful lot

college self portrait. no editing or post-processing, based on a susan sontag quote.

i nearly chickened out of using this for college at all, i found it very difficult as it has a lot of personal meaning and i find it difficult to post 'warts-and-all' images of myself.

explanation of the image taken from my college posting:

"the neck corset-relates to my eating disorder. i have suffered from bulimia for 15 years, and have recently started therapy for it, the corset represents the purging of food, and the restriction an eating disorder has over your life. i'm hoping that its almost past me, i'm getting there at least.

the invisible face/visible mouth again relating to the bulimia, it is amazing how your life rotates around your mouth and what you put in/take out of it when you have an ED, and i wanted to reflect that.

the taut string on my tummy relates to my body before and after children, i have never been a skinny girl but after having 2 very large children (both over 10 pounds) my body has taken a large toll (which in turn has influenced the eating disorder) and as a larger lady, its the one part of my body i feel isnt in proportion with the rest of me. the string represents the state of my tum before i had children, and how i miss it, but the purple heart is placed over my womb, because i may hate my belly, but i still love it because it gave me two beautiful children.

its a reflection on my body, on my life, mostly past (like in the quote) but also present, 'an incitement to reverie' and remembrance of what things were like before.

its a difficult picture for me, i rarely do full body self portraits but i wanted to, hopefully, do the sontag quote some justice. i dont know if thats been acheived but, even though its been hard, i sorta-kinda like the end result. i'd like it a lot more if it wasnt of me though

i'd really appreciate your feedback on what the image means to you after the explanation, and i am very open about my ED so dont be afraid to ask any questions "

please be nice, remember its an un-edited picture so no crit on that side of things thanks!
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Comments: 1379

smileitshealthy In reply to ??? [2010-05-09 22:22:50 +0000 UTC]

There is absolutely nothing ugly about this! It's got a sexy, selfless feel to it. Show's you got nothing to hide... You should love every bit of your body, because it's BEAUTIFUL the way it is and if I were you I wouldn't change a thing about it!

Gorgeous, lovely.

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Harmony7 [2010-05-08 13:43:15 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely fabulous stuff! And I think it doesn´t have nothing in common with uglyness!!



--
VITA BREVIS ARS LONGA

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rakda [2010-05-06 00:41:14 +0000 UTC]

The image itself is striking, but after reading your words, I was just about moved to tears. A courageous photographic act. Beautiful. I just can't say enough about the feeling from this image.

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eutraphalia [2010-05-05 08:06:06 +0000 UTC]

you are inspiring - this is a powerful and beautiful self-portrait. Please love yourself

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doLL-PYon [2010-05-03 21:24:45 +0000 UTC]

Youre more beautiful than anyone i've ever met (": very strong.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to doLL-PYon [2010-05-04 19:27:39 +0000 UTC]

awwwww, thank you!

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doLL-PYon In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2010-05-05 20:22:39 +0000 UTC]

<33333 : D

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Afmaeli6 In reply to ??? [2010-04-24 10:42:31 +0000 UTC]

I think the fact that you had the courage to put this up here speaks volumes. I love this picture =]

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Afmaeli6 [2010-04-24 14:26:29 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

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Afmaeli6 In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2010-04-24 14:48:14 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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nbates1 In reply to ??? [2010-04-24 04:03:46 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely Gorgeous!

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to nbates1 [2010-04-24 14:26:38 +0000 UTC]

aww, thank you!

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Kahlia In reply to ??? [2010-04-08 23:46:49 +0000 UTC]

I have been coming back to this image and description ever since I saw it this morning. I don't think I can possibly put the way it makes me feel into words. I've been suffering with an ED for 14 years. It is it's own primarily silent Hell.

For a long time, I never even bothered trying to get help for my issues because when I researched them, all the text said, "persons suffering from anorexia nervosa and bulimia are unusually thin." I've never been thin, let alone unusually so, so I just decided I didn't have a problem. Seven years ago, after passing out cold in a college shower and having my best friend tell me she couldn't watch me do it anymore, I finally tried to get it together and stop abusing myself. Here it is, 14 years into this journey and I still find myself falling into old habits at least 4-6 times a year. Its getting better, but its a slow process. I have a 16 month old son now, and I do not want to pass these issues on. The changes that happened to my body during pregnancy makes my issues all the more overwhelming of late...

Anyway, the point of all this is to say thank you. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my soul. I've never felt like there was art I could really identify with that part of myself, and your brave, healing image has inspired me-- made me think I might not be so messed up after all, and if I am, maybe its not so uncommon amongst women who aren't waif-thin.

It might sound a little crazy, but your photograph has brought me some peace.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Kahlia [2010-04-09 18:27:54 +0000 UTC]

your comment made me tear up badly, thank you so much for leaving your thoughts and i am so so so proud that my photograph helped you in any way at all, stay strong for yourself, your little boy (mine is the same age!) and when you slip up, dont be too hard on yourself, its a life long learned behaviour and it will creep back in from time to time, just let it flow and know it will pass love and luck to you

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disconectedsoul In reply to ??? [2010-04-06 14:20:14 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for telling your story. There is no ugliness here only a beautiful young mom. Please keep up the good work. huggs and kisses

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Irilar [2010-04-05 18:45:28 +0000 UTC]

I don't see any ugliness here, only loveliness. One doesn't need to be skinny and have flawless skin to be a beauty.

In my opinion beauty come from somewhere else, and you got it in spades here.

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corysmithart [2010-04-02 18:17:56 +0000 UTC]

I would actually like to see more...this was very couragous of you and kudos for being so brave!!!

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Gummypudding In reply to ??? [2010-03-28 14:42:20 +0000 UTC]

mmm fat rolls tastey

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Gummypudding [2010-03-28 18:26:53 +0000 UTC]

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Indigohx [2010-03-24 18:06:31 +0000 UTC]

It represents so many things for me. I see a woman in this picture, someone who has lived, which is accepted and displayed as it is. One woman, that's what I see in this beautiful picture.

I'm new here on dA, who find good jobs as unique as this, If you give a visit to my gallery anytime you find appropriate.

Kisses.

Indigoh ~.

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SarahIsAlmostUseless In reply to ??? [2010-03-24 04:29:33 +0000 UTC]

Touching story.
This is so brave and beautiful. I don't know if I could ever do that.

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Frankincensy In reply to ??? [2010-03-21 19:41:11 +0000 UTC]

You are brave, and this is beautiful.

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Annabel-Lee24 In reply to ??? [2010-03-21 03:08:34 +0000 UTC]

wow u r trurly a brave person i struggled with anerexcia and bulima for a long time n this is a big inspiration ive never been comfortable with my body i dont think i could have ever had enough guts to do this its beautiful and so r u thank you for touching people like me

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ambientgray In reply to ??? [2010-03-19 16:13:25 +0000 UTC]

Perfect sexy and raw a beautiful woman with just the right amount of love Bravo ! this is a must fav

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HeartSweet7 In reply to ??? [2010-03-16 22:52:13 +0000 UTC]

You have a great body!

Fantastic photo A very powerful image

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Lady-Mika In reply to ??? [2010-03-15 22:26:28 +0000 UTC]

I absolutely LOVE this picture!
You are proud and not ashamed of your body and it is amazing. I weigh maybe 50 kg less then you but I could never do such a brave act.
im not proud of my body and im ashame, but you pass the massage that anybody need to be proud.
Good work, really!

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GregoryP In reply to ??? [2010-03-11 04:36:10 +0000 UTC]

I love photos of real people, and I love this one. But the title of the photo is the only negative aspect. I think it seems defensive and shows your doubt about how this will be recieved -- which weakens the effect for me. Just my 2 cents. Keep it up. -Greg

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to GregoryP [2010-03-11 18:12:45 +0000 UTC]

thats pretty much exactly the effect i was going for, i dislike this photograph and didnt expect it to be well received at all thanks greg

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MySiameseTwin [2010-03-09 03:44:42 +0000 UTC]

A very inspirational photograph full of meaning and sentiment. I'm moved. ♥

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bamfandblueberry [2010-03-08 20:38:40 +0000 UTC]

Sorry, hun-didn't mean to scatter counterpoints all over your DA.

At any rate, I will never look at my post-baby belly the same, ever again. Thank you for your courage and your creativity. You ARE beautiful, inside and out.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to bamfandblueberry [2010-03-10 23:32:46 +0000 UTC]

counterpoints? sorry, its late here

and thank you, your belly is awesome, just like mine

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bamfandblueberry In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2010-03-11 01:10:48 +0000 UTC]

Just meaning I didn't mean to argue with people all over your thread. Willful ignorance just annoys me, is all.

Anyway, thank you. I can't imagine never having had my daughter, and I wouldn't trade it for all the stick figure in the world.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to bamfandblueberry [2010-03-11 18:14:31 +0000 UTC]

ahhh the arguing amuses me more than anything else, i am not offended by any idiotic comments in the slightest, the opinion of some person whos name i dont even know 3000 miles away bothers me not

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bamfandblueberry In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2010-03-11 19:12:45 +0000 UTC]

You certianly have more posterity then I do. Ha.

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MonsterBrand In reply to ??? [2010-03-07 07:00:06 +0000 UTC]

You've been featured here: [link]

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candychant In reply to ??? [2010-03-07 06:22:40 +0000 UTC]

This is the kind of picture that gives me hope.

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PorcelainPoet In reply to ??? [2010-03-06 09:47:27 +0000 UTC]

I don't know how this missed my inbox.... but to keep my comment simple as I'm sure everything's already been said...

It's very apparent through your art and in my small interactions with you online, you're a beautiful person. Inside and out.

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Everitte [2010-03-05 01:59:53 +0000 UTC]

Miss, You're not ugly in any way. It takes courage to put such an inspiring message out, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to see this.
I myself am not proud of how I look, but I definitely am startin' too see myself different.
All I can say is I'm a hypocrite for sayin' this, but never think yerself ugly, your message is beautiful.

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AlexKirby1989 In reply to ??? [2010-03-03 08:55:34 +0000 UTC]

I see no uglyness at all you are the most have one of the most beautiful body's my eyes had the privilege to lay his eyes upon

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AngelicSinnerShizuka In reply to ??? [2010-03-01 09:04:07 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful.

you are beautiful.

people like you make life beautiful and more<3

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BlurredPerspectives In reply to ??? [2010-03-01 03:25:51 +0000 UTC]

I havent been around DA much these days because I have so much work along with Jakob. I wish photography was a full time thing for me. I dont get paid for what I do at all so I take pictures and everything piles up. I digress.

Your explanation of where this image comes from or why you took it nearly brought me to tears. Especially the part where you describe the rope and the heart. I can't stand my body and a lot of times I avoid mirrors for this reason. You know that I am trying to lose weight because I talk a lot about it on FB. Between you and I, Im havin the worst luck and am beginning to think Im an emotional eater. So much is going on with me and I hide behind my fake smile and my camera and pretend nothing is wrong. Id love the courage to portray what is going with me and who I really am but a part of me is really afraid. When I see images like these it really encourages me to tell everyone to "FUCK OFF" and just go with it.

We both know you are a beautiful person with lots of talent but we also both know that sometimes our own weaknesses (mine being my very low self esteem) get the best of us.

In short, good work.

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CursedDevil In reply to ??? [2010-03-01 01:27:40 +0000 UTC]

You are beautiful!
I hope you are aware of that

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Niji-iro In reply to ??? [2010-02-27 19:06:57 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for posting this. I have an eating disorder myself, and to see someone with so much courage to do something like this, I really respect it.

Really thank you!

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Piiim In reply to ??? [2010-02-26 11:40:13 +0000 UTC]

You Miss, you are my idol.
I only say this

Beautiful picture!

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unwanted-13 In reply to ??? [2010-02-25 22:54:49 +0000 UTC]

i love how this breaks the stereotype of the young, skinny model..

great job! i love this picture!

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ILoveBigCats In reply to ??? [2010-02-25 17:24:46 +0000 UTC]

Wow.

Just, wow. This is beautiful, I would never have the guts to anything like this myself, and I probably have what is considered by the media to be a decent body. You are so brave for posting this up, without editing anything and talking about your eating disorder.

And I would KILL to have breasts the size of yours

Thank you for posting this

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TwistedHearts In reply to ??? [2010-02-25 07:16:48 +0000 UTC]

I admire you . I don't think I will ever have the guts to do what you've done! I'm a bit underweight with no curves and really insecure. I have a hard time wearing even a tank top around people >.<;. To overcome your fear, disorder, and be comfortable with yourself, it really tugs at my heart. I feel as if I can relate with my anxiety problems. You are so beautiful, and your bravery and confidence only make you shine more! I was irritated by omar6's comments, but it seems he's come to his senses. He sent me a reply back apologizing for being rude .

As for the image itself, I think it's fantastic. Everything seems to have symbolism, and I like the idea that it's straight from the camera. It seems more natural and real.

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Silvantian In reply to ??? [2010-02-25 05:32:12 +0000 UTC]

What I really love about this is the fact it's not edited! The opposite to the commerical crap which is stuffed down out throats today. More people especially young girls would benefit from seeing this. well at lease that's what I believe

such a beautiful photo thanks for sharing :3

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x-everyoneslooking In reply to ??? [2010-02-25 02:49:58 +0000 UTC]

This is a beautiful, inspiring image. You are a very brave woman.

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maplekey [2010-02-25 02:08:31 +0000 UTC]

you've got a lot of balls to post this, bro.

you're gawjuss, inside and out. i mean, look at all your squishy organs! beauteous if i ever saw it! :D

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