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ColonelFitz — closed
Published: 2009-02-04 05:15:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 290; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 3
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Description
you always told mehow you hated school
hated the suffocating lectures
and lack of fresh air
how unfair it was
that you could watch
the birds and the butterflies
but couldn't feel the sun
on your face
you used to speak of
ancient times, when
Daphne nearly
outran a god, and
Poseidon Earth-shaker
still ruled the seas
you used to dream of
returning to the
wild, free past
the gods up in Olympus
heard your idle musings
and Poseidon shook
the Earth
but you're still suffocated
under concrete and steel rubble
and the air vents remain
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Comments: 17
I love the flow and pacing of this, it seems to canter up and past you as you read. I like the mythology references too: the extra layer it adds.
Reminds me of the song Agoraphobia by Deerhunter, though the tone is quite different.
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It canters...I like that.
How so? I have to admit, I've never heard the song.
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I'm actually not sure, just a unconscious association. Check it out if you get the chance. It's quite good.
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as a swimming pool in winter
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The greek mythology really made this poem special, much
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I've always loved the Poseidon's title of Earth-shaker.
Thanks.
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And you made it completely your own.
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Good. Possibly ditch the double the in the second to last stanza. Very good poem.
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You know...that would definitely help.
Thanks!
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