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MODERN LOVE

“My name is DI Tim Sayler. In 2008 I was hit by a falling piano, and woke up ten minutes in the future. Am I mad, in a coma, or travelling through time? I don’t know. All I know is that I need to find a way home.”

PART THREE

It was a dark evening. DI Tim Sayler and PC Jean Hunt were on their way back from an evening drink. It had been a stressful couple of days (prior to the drink, not the drink itself) and they’d decided to have an evening off to relax.

“I haven’t had this much fun in ages!” Jean told Tim as they staggered down the street.
“Me neither!” replied Tim.

Just then, a man jumped out from a shadowy alley and snatched Jean’s handbag, before running off.

“Help! Police!” shouted Tim. “I mean, wait, Stop! Police!” He began to give chase, and so did Jean.

Eventually Tim caught up with the foul fiend who had so foolishly snatched the bag of a police officer. The cold wind against his face as he raced down the street had sobered him up in almost no time at all. He leapt on the thief.

“Stay down, you thieving git!” Tim told the thief. Unfortunately for Tim, the thief didn’t want to oblige, and so a scuffle ensued. This scuffle ended when the thief bopped Tim on the nose.

“Ha!” laughed the thief as he climbed to his feet, followed by “Oof!” as Jean approached from behind and kicked him between the legs. The thief doubled over, then fell into a crumpled heap on the floor, almost in slow motion.

“You have the right to remain in agony!” Jean told him.
“Remind me never to get on your bad side,” said Tim, climbing to his feet.

-----

Some time later Tim and Jean were walking down the street, heading towards the police station, the would-be thief cuffed and marching along in front of them.

“Not that I don’t appreciate your help,” said Tim, “But, you know, I would still have been able to arrest this guy on my own.”
“Oh, totally,” Jean replied.
“No, really!” Tim insisted.
“Oh, I know. I just didn’t want to miss out on the fun, you know?” said Jean.
“Right,” said Tim. “So long as you realise…”

-----

Some time later, Tim and Jean were still walking down the street, and the would-be thief was still cuffed and marching along ahead of them.

Tim was replaying the evening’s events in his head. The nefarious thief, leaping out from nowhere, brandishing a machete. Tim, the hero, leaping between Jean and the thief, halting the machete in mid-swing by catching it between his teeth. The way he’d cried ‘Halt there, evildoer, and prepare for justice!’ had really been something. Especially considering how clear the delivery was given that he had a machete between his teeth…

“What’s that?” asked Jean suddenly, pointing ahead and across the road.

Tim, jolted from his daydreaming, allowed his gaze to follow the direction of Jean’s outstretched arm. She appeared to be gesturing to a pub car park, where there seemed to be some sort of scuffle going on.

“It appears,” said Tim, “to be a pub car park. Some sort of scuffle is going on.”
“Well, we ought to stop it then!” decided Jean, and crossed the street towards the fray.
“Wait here,” Tim told the cuffed thief, and made to follow. However, the thief’s voice called him back.
“I know where you’re from, Tim!” the thief announced.
Tim walked back to the thief. “What did you just say?”
“I said, I know where you’re from!”
Tim stared at the thief, disbelievingly.

“Come ON Tim!” Jean called from over the road, apparently having difficulty in dealing with the riotous mob. Still, one guy seemed to be helping her. Tim turned back to the thief.
“You… just WAIT HERE.” Tim told him firmly, before rushing over to the pub car park.

-----

Moments later, the drunken crowd was dispersed, thanks to Tim, Jean, and a helpful bystander.

“Alright then, Tim?” asked the helpful bystander.
Tim was stunned by the realisation that the helpful bystander also seemed to know who Tim was. Then, as he studied the man further, it dawned on him that he was looking at his father!

“Dad!” exclaimed Tim. He immediately felt angry with himself. He had to stop with this kind of behaviour if he was to fit in here. He didn’t belong in this timeline, but he had to try to blend in otherwise people would think he was crazy, and he may never get home.
“Er, that is,” continued Tim. “I mean, you look familiar somehow.”

Jean looked at Tim.
Jean looked at Tim’s father.
Tim’s father looked at Jean.
The two of them returned to looking at Tim.

“It’s your dad, Tim.” pointed out Jean.
“Haha!” laughed Tim, uneasily.

“I’m sorry Pat,” Jean told Tim’s father, “He’s been under some stress these last couple of days. A piano fell on him.”
“Right,” said Pat.
“Pat!” exclaimed Tim. “My dad’s name was Pat too! Haha!”

Tim hoped that this had been enough to divert suspicion away from the truth – that this was Tim’s father.
“Erm, Tim…” said Pat. “It’s me. Your father.”

Tim couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He had to acknowledge the truth.

“My God!” said Tim. “You look just the same as I remember!”

Pat looked at Tim.
Pat looked at Jean.
Jean looked at Pat.

“Anyway,” said Jean, “We’d best be off. We’re transporting a prisoner back to the station. See you later Pat!”
“Okay,” said Pat, waving goodbye, “Take care now!”
“Oh shit!” exclaimed Tim. “The thief!”

Tim rushed back across the road to where he’d told the thief to stay… and where, unsurprisingly, the thief no longer was.

“Shit!” Tim cursed again. “Shit shit Shitty McShitterton!”
“Don’t worry,” Jean told him. “He’s in cuffs, he can’t have gone far.”
“We cuffed his WRISTS,” shouted Tim, “Not his sodding ANKLES!”

Tim ran off in pursuit of the thief. He wasn’t sure what direction the thief had headed in, so he picked one at random. It was so important that Tim found the thief… after all, he’d told Tim that he knew where he was from. And if he knew that… well, maybe he could tell Tim how to get back there! Tim needed to find answers, and he was certain that those answers lay with the thief.

-----

Tim entered a dark alley, continuing his search for the thief. The search had now lasted around seven minutes, but Tim wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. Suddenly, he spotted a shadowy movement coming from behind a couple of large dustbins. Tim made his way over there, and sure enough, there the thief was sat, trying to remove his handcuffs.

Tim dragged the thief to his feet, and slammed him against the wall.

“Okay okay! I’m sorry I ran off!” cried the thief.
“Tell me what you know!” Tim shouted in his face.
“What?” asked the thief.
“Before, you said you know where I’m from!” Tim screamed at him.
“Yeah!” said the terrified thief.
“Yeah?” asked Tim, still angry.
“Yeah!” said the thief.
“…SO TELL ME!” Tim screamed again.
“LONDON!” cried the thief.

Tim paused, but continued to hold the thief against the wall.

“What?” asked Tim in a much quieter voice.
“You’re from London!” wailed the thief, almost in tears. “I’m good with accents, me!”
Tim stared incredulously at the thief. “You BAS-”

“Tim!” shouted Jean, who had just entered the alley. “I heard shouting! What’s going on?”
“I found the thief,” Tim told her. “Come on, let’s get back to the station.”

The two of them left the alley, pushing the petrified and handcuffed criminal ahead of them.

-----

Back at the station, Tim sat at his desk, recovering from the night’s events. He felt he probably needed a drink, but considering all that had just happened on his way back from the pub, he decided not to bother.

“Here, I brought you a coffee,” said Jean, who had indeed just arrived with a couple of mugs of coffee. She placed one on the desk in front of Tim. “You okay? You’ve been a bit weird since you found that guy in the alley…”
“I’m fine,” Tim assured her.
“Before that, even,” Jean continued. “You were a bit weird when we bumped into your dad at that scuffle…”
“I’m fine,” Tim once again told her.
“In fact,” said Jean, “You’ve been a little off since yesterday when that piano fell on you.”
“I’m FINE.” Tim insisted. “It’s okay, I’m fine, everything’s fine.”
“Okay okay,” Jean apologised. “I was just concerned about you, that’s all.”
Tim smiled. “Thanks. And I’m sorry I shouted at you. Before. When that guy ran off. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, “ Jean smiled back. “We’ve certainly had an interesting evening, at any rate.”
“I think I’ve had enough excitement these last two days,” confessed Tim.
Jean laughed. “Yeah, I would have preferred dinner and a movie myself!”
“Oh!” said Tim. “Erm, do you want to? Dinner and a movie that is? No. You were just using an example. Sorry, never mind…”
“No!” Jean quickly asserted. “I mean, yes! Sure! We should definitely do that. Movie. Tomorrow night?”
“Erm, okay. Tomorrow night.” said Tim. “Got it.”
“Right then,” said Jean, picking up her coat to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She waved as she left the office.

Tim sat at his desk and watched his coffee go cold.