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DanShive — Some Comic of Mine 009

Published: 2008-03-31 01:21:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 44694; Favourites: 373; Downloads: 410
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Velocitoaster has had a place in my heart for many years now, but this is its first public appearance. The genesis of its creation was as an invention of Amanda's. It would simultaneously show her incredible building capabilities while being one of the most pointless and useless inventions ever.

Velocitoaster may yet see the light of day in an Amanda-related story, but after showing sketches of it to some of my classmates and getting a very positive response, I decided it was high time it saw the light of day.

This "ad" actually has false advertising, however. Velocitoaster is far slower than the ad would have you believe, and it is by no means carnivorous. That just sounded like a hilarious description to me, and 40 mph is close to what I've heard a top speed for velociraptors would likely have been.

In truth, the Velocitoaster is rather docile and easy to control, in spite of it being scary looking and growling (why Amanda programmed it to growl and roar, I have no idea). Just in case it goes haywire, however, Amanda built the "Velocifork" countermeasure. This is somewhat counterintuitive, as Velocitoaster is only theoretically aggressive if it malfunctions in just the right way, while Velocifork is hostile and violent by design. Mad scientists often use somewhat roundabout logic, however.

Oh, and just for the record, Tori was well compensated to assert her dislike for stationary toasters. She actually prefers toasters that stay wherever she chooses to place them, and has no desire to tend to whatever needs a Velocitoaster might have.
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Comments: 113

Pun-Master2 [2016-04-20 15:31:06 +0000 UTC]

Sign me and the rest of America the FUCK UP!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

creodont [2014-08-19 23:13:52 +0000 UTC]

Did Amanda actually build this, or did she just stick the toaster from Ghostbusters 2 onto an animatronic dinosaur?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Misfire33 [2014-05-03 22:38:30 +0000 UTC]

Now we just need to put a few of them in a rather failure-prone zoo island and we'll have a franchise!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MasteroftheStorm [2014-02-08 03:10:54 +0000 UTC]

I bought one. It scares the crud out of my cat.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

j0efelix [2013-11-18 03:59:11 +0000 UTC]

she destroyed all the silverware in the house!..... clever Girl.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

blackacehero [2013-08-09 02:40:28 +0000 UTC]

Some one should make this that would be awsome I could add it to my collection of pointless crap I bought

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

bardian1 [2013-06-14 02:14:38 +0000 UTC]

I just have to ask, when was the last time anyone saw a toaster that looked like the classic cartoon toaster?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DanShive In reply to bardian1 [2013-06-15 04:02:49 +0000 UTC]

I never see them in anyone's homes, but I see them in stores regularly. You can totally buy them. I don't know who's buying them, but they apparently exist.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Vector-Master [2012-11-15 02:39:14 +0000 UTC]

MY GOD, i want one. I want one NOW.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

erictheblue [2012-07-21 23:44:25 +0000 UTC]

this made me think of a "schlock mercenary" story where they had aquired a malfunctioning "fabber" (automated factory) and were making it build toasters...
the story starts here: [link]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ninjaraptor6 [2012-05-05 22:38:39 +0000 UTC]

I'll take two. No, four. And I want to program them to be ninjas.

Toast-making-ninja-velociraptor-robots. That fly.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Angellus-Socios [2012-04-13 03:58:10 +0000 UTC]

I know what I want for Christmas.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Angellus-Socios [2012-04-13 03:57:14 +0000 UTC]

I know what I want fo Christmas.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mind-not-found [2011-07-27 13:04:44 +0000 UTC]

i want one~ i shall use it chase the alligators in my neighborhood and then devour its brains with raspberry jelly

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Assacura [2011-07-04 06:09:33 +0000 UTC]

Hee, I find this too funny, if even for my own personal reasons.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

erictheblue [2011-05-18 23:56:27 +0000 UTC]

this reminds of of several "schlock mercenary" cartoons involving toasters: start with [link]
and read the next few. very funny!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kerevon [2011-04-22 20:41:34 +0000 UTC]

..................(o-0)



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mrsnubeh [2011-04-17 11:00:32 +0000 UTC]

sounds like an excellent idea

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

zeldafan21 [2010-09-08 01:13:40 +0000 UTC]

dude you need to do more of these xD there so funny

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

kaSpike [2010-07-31 00:51:28 +0000 UTC]

Where do I send to get one of those?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wastelandsofthemind [2010-07-27 03:37:03 +0000 UTC]

I demand more of these!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ashrazan [2010-06-13 02:39:57 +0000 UTC]

I love it, the toast at the end is the best part.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Princess-Kay [2009-12-07 06:02:31 +0000 UTC]

Love it.

Okay, i love all of them - some more than this one!

but this was quicker than posting "love it" on every single one of them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

anti-man9 In reply to Princess-Kay [2010-01-01 02:21:24 +0000 UTC]

I AGREE!!!.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Princess-Kay In reply to anti-man9 [2010-01-01 03:04:37 +0000 UTC]

yay for agreement! ((particularly on this subject - if we were talking about the destruction of the world or something, i'm not so sure it's a good thing.))

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

anti-man9 In reply to Princess-Kay [2010-01-01 05:03:21 +0000 UTC]

Lmao!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Princess-Kay In reply to anti-man9 [2010-01-01 05:04:36 +0000 UTC]

Always good to make someone laugh when it comes to Dan Shive's work.

Though he might not enjoy it if we put too much on HIS deviation instead of one of ours....

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

GangWarlord [2009-03-19 17:54:02 +0000 UTC]

Should've had Billy Mays. But great comic strip nonetheless.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Moodycow210 [2009-01-06 16:41:16 +0000 UTC]

yay! toaster!!!
me wants

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

madugongmaria [2008-12-18 10:39:57 +0000 UTC]

LOL. such a ferocious looking guy to just say ker-chunk

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

scatmanfan [2008-11-25 13:53:55 +0000 UTC]

Ker-Chunk.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

joaniedark [2008-09-23 22:44:24 +0000 UTC]

That...is one amazing toaster

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

pikamario99 [2008-07-25 19:59:34 +0000 UTC]

I want a Velocitoaster.

No, I NEED a Velovitoaster!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Nortolim [2008-06-25 01:09:57 +0000 UTC]

Velocitoaster! for the win! srsly, where did you come up with them, and where can i get one?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Yayo01 [2008-06-24 18:21:27 +0000 UTC]

ROTFL, The last panel what makes it more funny XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ChaosSepher [2008-06-10 01:42:04 +0000 UTC]

Reminds me of the Mousers from Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles, only bigger and more toast. XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DarkMoonSylph [2008-05-31 12:39:28 +0000 UTC]

OMG you did Velocitoaster? holy crap one of my friends showed me this a while ago and it has been a random subject ever since!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

gruntie0052 [2008-05-20 20:42:31 +0000 UTC]

JESUS

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

kahbn [2008-05-04 11:30:51 +0000 UTC]

I'll take it! I'll take twelve! I shall call him... eddy!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ravenno-kun [2008-04-19 17:47:00 +0000 UTC]

Velocibread? Velocibutter?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

NVraptor08 [2008-04-18 21:51:16 +0000 UTC]

This is awesome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RedactedHash [2008-04-17 04:42:20 +0000 UTC]

Where can I buy these wonderful pieces of machinery? more importantly, how long until they use the growth ray on this and we see it stomping around tokyo?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

the-ethereal-man [2008-04-16 13:24:42 +0000 UTC]

I see a whole range of Jurassic themed kitchen appliances coming.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

iPixelated [2008-04-09 16:28:10 +0000 UTC]

Try sending one to Randall Munroe and see what happens.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Fredgregjoe [2008-04-07 22:41:54 +0000 UTC]

I can certain say, I was not expecting that.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CabbyHat [2008-04-07 00:36:24 +0000 UTC]

I want one.
But you know what I want to see? Velocitoaster vs. the Sad Sad Toaster Made of Glass.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Megadude337 [2008-04-05 23:47:11 +0000 UTC]

Movie idea: Velocitoaster V.S. Bunny Dragon

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

pharmmajor [2008-04-04 01:33:54 +0000 UTC]

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Gamskee [2008-04-03 19:59:51 +0000 UTC]

That is awesomely off the wall.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ChronosCat [2008-04-03 06:39:05 +0000 UTC]

I thought for sure the punchline was going to be something along the lines of "How about a mobile toaster that runs around and burns your toast?"

👍: 0 ⏩: 0


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