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DecidingNebula — The No-Profiles
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Published: 2023-08-08 02:43:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 10655; Favourites: 21; Downloads: 0
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Description
Franchise: HaloAffiliation: Themselves
Branch: None
Motto: None
Type: Anonymous Paramilitary Vigilante Unit
Vehicles/Mounts: 'Dirty Thunder'- A D80-LRT SuperCondor serving as the No-Profiles' main interstellar transport and mobile living quarters, 'Because We Couldn't Get a Mammoth'- An M313 Elephant Heavy Recovery Vehicle used frequently as a weapons platform by the No-Profiles when they have to go loud, 'The Old Classic'- An M12 Chaingun Warthog with an M41 Vulcan Machine Gun Mounted, M9 Wolverine Anti-Aircraft Tank, AV-14 Hornet
Base of Operations: Wreck of the UNSC Oppenheimer, The Graveyard of Giants, Garos
Status: Active (Officially nonexistent)
Overview: The No-Profiles are a squad of anonymous paramilitary vigilantes made up of ex-Covenant members led by the emotionally-detached Unggoy and former trillionaire engineer known only as Honcho, and work to take down organisations and individuals which they perceive as oppressive and unjust whom the proper legal channels and authorities either cannot or will not pursue. The job pays pretty damn well, but if you're thinking of signing up, you might want to consider the job criteria: all members have to completely and indiscriminately shed their past lives and identities, usually through faking their own deaths, in order to join as Honcho insists they must operate as ghosts with no ties to other people at all. Their regular marks tend to be in the ball park of authoritarian governments, war criminals, dictators, underworld masterminds, corporate assholes, warlords, terrorists, and others who manipulate the neat little rules of society to have their way.
The No-Profiles however, don't exclusively occupy themselves with taking down bad guys. They are, at their heart, formed to correct injustices and right wrongs, and have done everything from helping refugees fleeing persecution, sorting out new identities for people who've seen too much of things they weren't meant to see, and protecting people from death squads- like when the No-Profiles helped Sangheili and Sangheili sympathisers survive during the Great Schism by alerting them of the Jiralhanae Purge Squads organised by the High Prophet of Reliance and arming them in response to it.
The No-Profiles almost exclusively make use of Human equipment and technology in spite of being Covenant species. At first, this was because Honcho wished to sow discord among the Covenant by making them think Humans had infiltrated spaces where they actually had no footing, but as Human contraband, particularly Human weapons, came to flood the Covenant black market, this use of Human tech came to symbolise a complete and purposeful detachment by the members of the No-Profiles from the teachings and values of the Covenant, which they view as the ultimate enemy, as well as any notion that they live life in a way that is acceptable enough for them to be welcomed back into the fold of the Hegemony. In a sense, the No-Profiles make use of Human weapons so they will always be considered unacceptable to the Covenant- the greatest opponent of justice in their eyes, and by doing so, they are proudly declaring their heresy and their intent to destroy it and whatever remnants follow afterwards.
Make sure you've perfected the art of looking cool whilst walking away from fires and explosions if you're thinking of joining. It's practically half of what the No-Profiles end up doing since all their missions usually end in something burning or exploding.
Members:
Honcho (The Grunt)- Smart, cunning, professional and most importantly, loaded with enough funds to keep the team going, Honcho is the leader and founder of The No-Profiles. He is the only member who knows the names of all the other members, which he keeps a close secret. He does not believe that it would be wise for the other members of the team to learn about one another- because their line of work is dangerous and nobody is ever truly safe from being lost, so to avoid repercussions on efficiency and what would be hard decisions if a member was ever captured by the enemy, he insists that the team does not get too close knit, and it starts with never learning one another's real names. A technical genius, Honcho puts his smarts to good use and he always has access to whatever resources the No-Profiles need to complete their missions. Honcho comes across as an arrogant asshole to most, but rest assured, he knows that and he exudes that personality because it keeps his true self under wraps and furthers his goal of not getting attached to anyone. Not much is known about Honcho except that he was once an Unggoy genius who was declared species-exempt in the Covenant, allowing him to pursue roles and opportunities not available to the average Unggoy- his choice being the field of engineering. The Unggoy designed buildings, bridges, vehicles and other works of engineering, becoming very rich and branching out to sell industrial designs to the Assembly Forges, the Ussum Fabricators, and the Lathe of the Enlightened. He lived a very extravagant and hedonistic lifestyle apparently, but struggled with the abuse, undercutting and exclusion he received because of his species, constantly reminding him that even in his position, the Covenant's caste system still valued him as little more than a slave. After the Lathe of the Enlightened's master naval architect Eruud 'Bahamee blatantly stole his design for the PAS-Class Assault Carrier: his life's work which should've been the hallmark of his entire career, the Unggoy relentlessly pursued legal action against 'Bahamee, but lost in a clear miscarriage of justice, and actually ended up having to pay a staggering several trillion Gekz to 'Bahamee for 'defamation'. From then on, the Unggoy became disillusioned with the Hegemony, and, greatly disturbed by the system he worked for, refused to pay the settlement to the Sangheili. Before he could be reprimanded for this, the Unggoy faked his death in an accident, but took triillions of Gekz out of his many accounts before he did so, framing it as a theft and framing his death as an assassination- purposefully trying to pin it on the Lathe of the Enlightened. He then left High Charity for The Cesspool, a settlement on the fringes of Covenant space where criminals and outlaws reigned supreme. After spending some time migrating between it and other lawless places, the Unggoy realised that the Covenant as a whole cared not for the fact that these places thrived on the suffering of others- in fact, the Covenant even sourced the services of those who undeniably employed methods such as slavery, and in realising this, understood the truth that the Covenant's Stationist system was inherently oppressive. The Unggoy, finally realising his purpose, decided that others had to be liberated from the factions' oppression and decided to become a vigilante with the aim of taking down despicable operations that sought to benefit from people's horrific circumstances and a longer term goal of beating the Covenant entirely. Seeking a team to help him in this task, the Unggoy travelled Covenant worlds looking for those who could help him. He gave his true name to no one, but learned the real names of all his teammates, who he had fake their deaths, and now has acquired a new name for himself: 'Honcho'. Honcho now leads the No-Profiles on their vigilante adventures, controlling an impressive network of surveillance and spyware which he uses to find and assess injustices across the galaxy.
Conscript (The Jackal)- Though quite unhinged and at times goofy when making decisions under pressure, Conscript is an excellent infiltrator and skilled findsman who has a particular need to always be talking. He can listen well sure, but once a conversation opens up to him it is hard to get him to stop speaking. One may think this makes him very poor at his job, but that would be an incorrect statement- Conscript is very good at what he does, but once he's finished, he'll go on yapping for hours about how it made him feel or what's running through his mind at any given moment, along with a heap of explanations at to why he felt and thought those things. Some members of The No-Profiles believe that Conscript behaves this way due to his own chequered past- in which he committed rather unjustifiable acts, so now he seeks to justify everything he does in order to avoid doing something even he cannot defend. If this much is true, Conscript is almost always thinking about the moral weight of his choices and feels an extreme need to assure he doesn't make any terrible mistakes again. The Kig-Yar who would become Conscript apparently used to be a privateer for a Kig-Yar Pirate Queen, who he was trying to court. Per the Queen's demands, this Kig-Yar carried out her every whim, pillaging and taking apart every vessel she ordered him to and doing so to great efficiency. Though the Queen assured him and his fellow privateers that everything they did was to serve her 'altruistic' projects, making her privateers believe she was contributing to efforts that helped poor Kig-Yar families and people out at home. However that all changed when the Kig-Yar who would become Conscript was sent to the Optican Genesis- a Humn medical station operated by the Optican corporation. The privateers believed the station was empty and they merely had been sent to take any supplies remaining there, but when they reported to the Queen that there were people aboard it, she told them to continue their mission and kill anyone on board. The privateers did so without question, and took their supplies, but the Kig-Yar in question empathised with the Humans- seeing too much of Kig-Yar families and children in Human families and children. He still did as instructed, but felt great guilt over what he had done. Eventually the Queen noticed this, and was confused. She had not expected any of her men to have sympathy for the Humans- for they were not Kig-Yar or any race in the Covenant, and according to the Covenant, were a demonic race. The Kig-Yar privateer, for the first time in his life, started thinking for himself independently, and questioned whether the Queen actually did what she did for any form of charity. He was then put to work standing guard at one of the Queen's 'Lush Working Environments' on a station set up on a massive asteroid. Eventually, Honcho found the privateer on one of his first operations questioning what he was doing with his life whilst on guard, and killed his fellow guard but gave him a chance to redeem himself if he joined him on his operation to take down one of the Queen's business endeavours- or die. The privateer expressed loyalty to the Queen, but helped Honcho for the sake of survival. Honcho eventually showed the Kig-Yar what this endeavour actually was- an illegal spice mining operation, and she was using slaves to get her dirty work done. The privateer was sure that the workers were paid, but Honcho laughed it off and told him that that must've been a very poor lie to keep him subservient. Honcho then pulled his gun on the privateer and offered him a chance at a new life working with him, or suffering the consequences and dying then and there. The privateer, finally feeling able to criticise his Queen, admitted she was a criminal and agreed to Honcho's terms. Honcho then remarked 'excellent' and shot the privateer, causing him to fall backwards through the glass window and out of the installation they were on, only for him to fall into Honcho's ship which was parked underneath on autopilot. When Honcho entered the ship with him, the privateer asked why that just happened and Honcho said that he had just helped fake his death for him, and the laser pistol he used was on it's lowest setting that could knock someone backwards, saying that his 'death' had to be believable. They then left the station and Honcho flipped a switch which set off EMP charges all across the station, freeing the slaves from their electro-shackles and frying the electronics of the guards' weaponry. Because the privateer had been essentially forced to join Honcho, he was given a new name as 'Conscript'. And now serves as Honcho's chief infiltrator and findsman.
Ex-Con (The Brute)- Having been in and out of prisons all across the Covenant for at least two centuries, the Jiralhanae who would become Ex-Con was rumoured to be a member of the Orinoth Pack, but ever since he signed up to The No-Profiles, that hasn't mattered. What has mattered is that between his belligerent nature and intimidating demeanour, Ex-Con is, at worst, a detestable, ignorant machine of complete idiocy, and at best, an oversensitive bully. On top of being highly argumentative he's known for picking fights and using his raw, imposing physical presence and his bellowing, bassy voice to strongarm others into thinking he's right, even when he probably isn't. To make matters worse, he throws really meaningless insults and talks trash all the time, and nobody can back themselves up cause...well, look at him. In spite of this, Ex-Con seems to hold an adamantine sense of duty and will follow orders- any orders, to the letter, whether he agrees with them or not like a good soldier. He also claims that he does everything he does in the name of 'freedom', and sees himself as a champion of it who refuses to let the likes of the government control him. Unfortunately, he seems to interpret freedom as "freedom to do whatever I want no matter what it is with no consequences", and seems to have a great fear of men in suits coming in to take away said freedom. He gets all his information from untrustworthy sources which he believes wholeheartedly, leading him to constantly spout rumours, conspiracy theories and blatantly incorrect statements about a wide array of topics. Sounds like he'd get along great with your boomer grandpa on Facebook . Before becoming Ex-Con, this Jiralhanae's last post was in the Rurtoth System, where he peddled stolen Human contraband as an arms dealer. His customers came from high and low, from Unggoy political terrorists to eccentric San'Shyuum statesmen, positing that he ran his business out of a patriotic love for the Covenant, which he wanted to see 'free'. At some point, he sold Office of Naval Intelligence Hard Sound Rifles he purchased from a shady Human gunrunner to a Silent Shadow Second Blade Officer which turned out to be faulty and soon found himself being hunted by the Silent Shadow for believing that he could dupe them. The Jiralhanae was soon captured and tortured by the Silent Shadow unit known as the Imperious Negatives- the ones he had wronged, and suffered their flaying for months. Once the Shadow was certain he was a broken man who would obey any authority placed in front of him, they tossed him in the Weeping Shadows of Sorrow maximum-security penitentiary on Malurok, where he was sentenced to 120 years. Later, he was given the chance to shave a couple decades off his sentence and serve the Covenant by joining Warhost Omega, also known as the Marks of Shame, a suicide squad of failed Covenant warriors branded as traitors and heretics given a chance to redeem themselves by The Minister of Infidels, relishing in their status as heretics and undertaking missions using Human technology that no other Covenant group could take. The Jiralhanae accepted the offer out of his sense of patriotism and duty. The Marks of Shame were to travel to the Human Tilton Space Station to rescue Dola Pushkin, a prisoner of the Department of Colonial Security arrested for running an illegal biological modification ring, who a group of High Council members wanted to put to work. During the mission, the Marks of Shame screwed up and were trapped alone on the station by the UNSC, who had baited them into a trap. Their failure and capture ended up confirming to the UNSC the existence of the Marks of Shame. Apparently, one of the Marks squealed, revealing to the UNSC that they were responsible for the Great Five- a series of false-flag attacks the Marks of Shame committed through Human terrorist proxies. The Jiralhanae quickly figured out that it was Ticlam, an Unggoy commando who wanted to see his family again and would do anything for the chance- he had something waiting for him on the other side of his prison cell. The rest of them didn't. The confession exposed the tactics and methodology of the Marks of Shame, so when the Covenant came to break them out, the members of Warhost Omega found themselves on the chopping block. When nobody would step up to admit they told the UNSC, the Jiralhanae decided to shoulder the responsibility himself, sacrificing his own future for Ticlam, willing to take it for he felt it was his duty. However, instead of punishing him, the whole squad was executed- save for him, leaving the Jiralhanae the sole survivor. That was the true punishment- now this failure had gotten them killed, and he was to live with it forever. The worst part is, he hadn't even done anything. Greatly regretting his choice as the Covenant may have yet let Ticlam live, the Jiralhanae's punishment was amplified as he was released- only to return to his small, run-down shack of a home on Tuluk'katho. Freedom and survival as reward for doing his duty- at the expense of his teammates' lives. The shame was so great he would spend his days miserly stifling in his depression, and he probably would've stayed that way if an Unggoy going by the name of 'Honcho' never blacked out the surveillance that the Jiralhanae was under, and in that window of time, offered him a chance to make up for this- a new duty, to fight for true freedom, by rebelling against the tyranny that poisoned the Covenant. Seeing no better option for himself, the Jiralahanae accepted Honcho's offer, and became Ex-Con, dutiful incendiary soldier of the No-Profiles.
Scandal (The Skirmisher)- Cold yet fiery, Scandal's history is best summarised as 'disreputable'. A former member of the government, she was an agent of the Covenant Stationary secret police, overseeing relations between it and the mobs effectively ruling T'vao. Cool, emotionless and unscrupulous in her work, she provoked fear and terror among the poorest and those who got mixed in with the 'wrong' gangs on T'vao. As such a skilled and valued agent, she was well respected and paid both by the Stationaries and the oligarchs of T'vao's cruel ochlocracy, and revelled in it proudly. The one who would become Scandal was accompanying the Kaart Mob boss Jak Kaart and his goons to a meeting spot for a trade between them and the Zong- a crime group composed of skilled martial artists who covered their appearances in traditional robes. When they arrived at the meeting spot, four Zong men were carrying a large, ornate box to the middle of the area, right in between the Kaart and the Zong delegates. Kaart men were doing the same, but with a considerably smaller crate. The one who would become Scandal, before the two packages could be taken away however, pointed out that both parties should open their respective trades in front of one another to assure neither that they were being cheated out of their deals. Zong men then opened the crate, revealing the agreed trade of one million Gekz-worth of juuvin narcotics, and the Kaart men opened the box to reveal something which caught the agent off guard- a young T'vaoan woman, afraid and weeping. Immediately checking her mission details again, the agent realised she had mistaken the package the Kaarts were receiving for the massive Beduan Jewel as the package was referred to as 'The Jewel'. She then realised that Jak intended to force the young woman into a marriage with his son Cav Kaart, who had already abused and killed numerous fiancées beforehand. She was infuriated that the Zong and Kaarts had not been straightforward about what they were trading, and, believing that the inaccurate details she had would reflect poorly on her career with the Stationaries, demanded that the two cease the transaction as the Stationaries had agreed on different terms, but her demand fell on deaf ears. The Zong delegates sneered, but Jak Kaart relished the agent's distress and mocked her for thinking her "precious Stationaries" could dictate the terms of their deal, telling her that she was just a pawn in their game. Because she couldn't let her reputation crumble and her vulnerability show, the agent attempted to salvage the situation and assert her authority and regain control. "Jak Kaart, I demand an immediate explanation for this deviation from the agreed-upon trade. The Stationaries do not tolerate deception or breaches of protocol. You will face the consequences if you proceed." Though her voice carried a threat that struck a chord with Jak Kaart, who knew all too well that the Stationaries held considerable power and didn't want to draw their attention in an unfavourable manner; Kaart reminded her that the Kaarts had connections reaching far beyond the Stationaries on T'vao, and she should've known her place. She remained staunch, for she had built her reputation on her ability to manipulate and control, and she refused to have it undermined. She icily retorted "One wrong move, and I can assure you, the entire Kaart family will crumble under the weight of their crimes." Jak Kaart's expression wavered, his confidence shaken as she had tapped into his fear of exposure. With a swift motion, she pressed a hidden button on her communicator, signalling for backup from her fellow Stationary agents. Just when she thought she had the upper hand, a Zong assassin threw an energy dagger at her which she narrowly dodged, and both the Kaarts and Zong lunged to attack the agent so they could complete their trade. Eventually, she managed to take the young woman and begin her escape, refusing to let the two organisations have whatever they wanted at the Stationaries' expense. As she escaped and the skirmish intensified, reinforcements from the Stationary secret police stormed the scene- however, these officers were on the Zong's payroll, and the two groups told them that the agent had stolen their quarry and betrayed them, enlisting the Stationaries in their pursuit. As the agent found a vehicle to help escape in, she realised that the Stationaries were not the dominant force here- the mobs were, causing her to become enraged that her dedication to an orderly society in which all parties obeyed the rule of the state had been for nothing. Nonetheless, she refused to go back on her principles, and outran the trio of organisations hunting after her. Eventually, she made it off T'vao, but now she was a fugitive with the Zong, Kaarts, and her own Stationaries after her. Unsure of what to do now that her life could never be the same, she spent a few months with the young woman she had rescued, who identified herself as Hliv Zep, travelling across Covenant space, often hitchhiking, staying on the move. With no witness protection system that the Stationaries wouldn't have tapped, the two had few options. Ironically, the former agent found herself turning towards the criminal underworld to acquire the resources she'd need to disappear forever. Whilst working for the Hullat Cartel which agreed to pay her enough Gekz to set both herself and Hliv Zep up nicely, she was found by the Kaarts, who had offered the Hullats more than what her job was worth for her whereabouts, and she was forced to fight her way out. After evading the enemies, she found that Jak Kaart had taken Zep whilst she was preoccupied. Racing after Kaart, she carved a path of slaughter on her way to his ship, and came to a final showdown with Kaart in which she pried his jaws apart, tearing his face in two and killing him. With no money and once again faced with another enemy in the Hullats, the agent realised she'd never get the two out under favourable circumstances...which led her straight to the mercenary named Honcho that the Stationaries had heard whispers of. After meeting Honcho, she bargained with the Unggoy to give Hliv Zep a new identity, and she would be indentured to his service. Honcho agreed to her terms, and forged a new identity for Hliv Zep to live under, however, the Unggoy blasted the agent with an energy weapon, convincing Zep that the agent was dead. Honcho then told the young bird to run along and live her new life, as he intended to claim the bounty on the agent's head. Zep did so, leaving for the planet Paelorat immediately. The agent however, was alive, and woke up to find herself aboard Honcho's ship. Honcho then explained that his group was one of absolute namelessness, to the point where the members concerned were all dead- officially. As the former agent arose, she questioned what this meant. Honcho responded that he had claimed the bounty on her head, but just before the agent sprung to action to kill him for such a betrayal, he explained that he had merely had two other T'vaoan criminals given surgery to make them appear just like her and Hliv respectively, and turned her in to the Kaarts. As far as they were concerned, she was dead. Honcho then said that as a No-Profile, everyone in their past lives had to believe they were dead, and now, they were. Taking on the new name "Scandal", the former agent became the sniper, espionage expert and all-around intelligence specialist of the No-Profiles.
Madcap (The Elite)- Very new to the battlefield, Madcap might be in a little over his head on the No-Profiles. To be a Sangheili Minor, fresh out of war-college, already in his position? This turn of events would've probably broken most others, but Madcap manages to stay the course. Because of Madcap's youth and lack of experience, he is usually quite optimistic and hopeful about pretty much everything the No-Profiles do, rarely believing that a plan can go awry (which often, it does), and ultimately being convinced that everyone, even their worst enemies- have some sort of honour code. The reality is that Madcap is in for a whole lot of disappointment. He constantly makes promises both to himself and others that he cannot keep, hesitates on hard decisions and is far too nice for his own good. If it weren't for the fact he's a fantastic hand-to-hand combatant, his naiveté would probably have killed him long ago. The Sangheili who would become Madcap was just a new recruit to the Covenant military in 2552 when he served in the Battle of New Jerusalem, graduate of a prestigious war-college, with a bright future and a promising career ahead of him. During the battle, the Sangheili's unit was cut off from communications and his commanding officer ordered his soldiers to fight against the Humans to their last breath- even with heavy artillery bearing down on them from above. His unit fought valiantly, even though they knew they wouldn't survive, until each man was too injured from the explosive shelling to fight. Knowing that the Humans would then pick all the stragglers off one by one, the Sangheili all agreed to commit suicide so they could all die honourably on their own terms- denying the Humans the chance to bring them shameful deaths. However, in truth, the Sangheili Minor could survive if he played his cards right- and he didn't want to die. He had spent his whole life training to be a warrior, studied so long to hone himself into the pinnacle of a soldier right as he was to enter the military. A thought occurred to him in that moment: why did he have to waste it all? When he could go on to do great things in future? When he still had so much to give? The Minor, watching his brothers disembowel themselves with their blades or shoot themselves to retain the honour around him, crawled his way to safety. Though he was unable to walk, he managed to get all the way to a Covenant outpost, where he tapped back into his Fleet's BattleNet. On the BattleNet, he heard the praises of his unit being sung by soldiers from across the fleet- tributes flowing in out of respect to the men that died on their own terms, side by side as brothers- with not a single one pursuing selfish notions of self-preservation. They all died together, and would all reunite with one another in the One Freedom. This reminded the Minor that if he ever went back to the Coveant, they'd know there was one member of that unit who did abandon the rest. One member who dishonoured himself and his fellow man by leaving to save himself, rather than standing his ground to die with his brothers. If he returned home, he'd be a greatly shameful mark on his entire family. His whole bloodline would erase him from their battle poem, and he'd be shunned as a nameless bastard until the day he died. The only solution he had was to return to what should've been his place of death, and die there with his comrades. And he would've accepted this morbid fate if it didn't occur to him that perhaps he didn't have to die...at least, not literally. Perhaps, if he could convince everyone he did die there, then that would be enough. After all, his unit was being bombed like there was no tomorrow- he could leave behind pieces of his armour and everyone would be convinced he was simply vapourised in a blast from one of the bombs, and then he could just...disappear. Everyone he knew would be convinced he was dead and he would never be able to see them again yes, but they would believe he died with honour. And that would be enough. At least then, he could still live, if not as who he really was, then as someone else. Deciding this was a preferable alternative to dying outright, the Sangheili left behind parts of his damaged armour, letting the evidence lead whosoever may visit the site to whatever conclusion they would draw about him. Meanwhile, he made his way to a place where he could rest and recuperate alone. When the Battle of New Jerusalem concluded, the Sangheili Minor paid Kig-Yar mercs attached to the Fleet to smuggle him back to High Charity, where he lived on the Unbreakable Spine as a nameless man who worked on the docks. Though he hoped to take the time to figure out his next step, he ended up wallowing in self pity and guilt for having let himself survive and wondered if this loss of purpose was his punishment for not dying with his brothers. This continued until he was visited one night where he was sleeping by a mysterious, black-clad Unggoy who listed all of the Sangheili's accolades and achievements throughout his long journey into the military- from being the most skilled hand-to-hand combatant of his age in his state to being a top performer in almost all subjects at war-college. When the Sangheili demanded to know who the Unggoy was, the Unggoy told him he was wasting his talents by working this dead-end job for low pay, and said he knew that he faked his own death back on New Jerusalem, and that usually he had his new recruits "commit suicide" before they joined his crew, but since he already had done, he offered the Sangheili a chance to make things right with his brothers- telling him that the Covenant was nearing its end and he was certain a civil war was going to break out in it- by joining him and his No-Profiles, he could help ensure the best future for his fellow Sangheili. Feeling optimistic for the first time in months that he could do something positive with his life, the Sangheili accepted and became Madcap- hand-to-hand combat specialist of Honcho's squad, and its newest, youngest recruit.
Naughty List (The Drone)- Out of all the No-Profiles, Naughty List is the one who don't want to end up on the naughty list of. Unquestioningly loyal to Honcho, a real pain in the ass and an ass-kisser at that, Naughty List is pretty much viewed as Honcho's attack dog- he will follow his every order, no matter how morally questionable or downright wrong it is, and will enforce it among all the other members by any means necessary. Some members of the No-Profiles think Naughty List's sole responsibility is to keep everyone else in line and to make sure they don't break any of Honcho's rules, and they're not far from the truth. After all, the guy can fly, has perfect physical equilibrium, and proudly carries two Deagles guaranteed to pop your head like a balloon if you rat the team out or disobey Honcho. And he will not hesitate to use them. Naughty List is usually pretty quiet, another reason why most members don't really trust him, whereas Honcho thinks Naughty List is the perfect member of the No-Profiles- barely speaks or interacts with the group in any way, so therefore, he never gets attached and is always all-business. Arguably however, Naughty List is driven by his connection to Honcho and without him, would be little without it, and because Honcho has more than made it clear that he will abandon anyone if doing the opposite makes them a liability, Naughty List is constantly trying to prove himself to Honcho so his leader will never think leaving him behind is a good idea: if not for his own personal reasons, then for his pure strategic value to the team. Or maybe it's just because Honcho secretly keeps a device that mimics the sonic and pheromonal signals of a Yanme'e Queen around at all times- so Naughty List is instinctually bound to serving Honcho's command. A Yanme'e in its larval stage, the Yanme'e that would become Naughty List didn't really have a life before the No-Profiles. In fact, the Yanme'e was adopted (or more accurately, taken) by Honcho. It was during the Battle of Ru'kepmha, with the Covenant fighting against the Inverted Deviants Heretic faction, when Honcho rescued the Yanme'e larva that would become Naughty List from its hive as the Ilkghinik Hive burned during an attack by the Covenant, who torched them and killed their queen for allying with the Inverted Deviants. Honcho would later explain that he saved the Yanme'e in order to preserve the Ilkghinik, even though he would be its sole survivor. However, the reality was that Honcho actually had no idea the Covenant had found the hive and that they were about to be all burned alive, and he actually went to the hive hoping to procure several Yanme'e larva he could raise into drones under his command for a mission he was planning. However, as he was only able to save one, he had to make do as taking from a hive was already risky enough- technically, he had gotten lucky in that the hive was otherwise preoccupied with being burnt to death to respond. Over the course of a few months, Honcho raised the larva into his pupal stage, took care of his cocoon, and after emerging from the cocoon into the imaginal stage, came to be viewed by him as his 'Queen'. After training the Yanme'e as an assassin and saboteur, Honcho named the Yanme'e 'Naughty List', and put him to work on this mission he had planned. The mission was originally supposed to involve several Yanme'e drones, all of whom treated Honcho as their Queen and would thus follow his every command. In addition to having more drones, he had hoped he could design a device that would be able to mimic a Queen's signals so they would instinctually be driven to obey him, but figured that Naughty List had enough of a connection to him that it didn't really matter. Because he now only had one drone, Honcho changed the plan from being to swarm the Sangheili Fleetmaster Ujuk 'Jajarai's home with drones who would sabotage its security systems and steal the clearance codes to Absolver Warhead 77-9E to simply having Naughty List enter alone, slowly taking out the security system and killing guards one by one whilst Honcho moved through all areas of his home, searching for the clearance codes- a task greatly prolonged as a swarm of drones could've pulled it off in minutes. When Honcho found the codes, he had to get Naughty List to force the Fleetmaster to provide his DNA- originally, the swarm was meant to subdue him and sever his arm so he could provide his DNA for verification, but because the Fleetmaster was too skilled to event try with just one, Naughty List instead needed to sedate the Fleetmaster and perform surgery on him- removing his arm and replacing it with a bioprosthetic- a dupe off the black market cloned from an original and randomised, meant for criminals and other miscreants to 'disappear' from official Covenant databases with entirely new DNA. Thankfully, the Fleetmaster had already lost his arm once before- but managed to reattach it, only losing the connection at the shoulder- which was cybernetic. Thus, the technical skills Honcho had taught Naughty List came in handy as the new arm could be attached with just a few slight modifications to the shoulder socket. After the completion of the task, they exited the Fleetmaster's home and Honcho used all the items they had acquired to clear the release of Absolver Warhead 77-9E, which he had moved to a new location- allowing Honcho to plan a heist to steal it as he knew where it would be and when. As Naughty List performed excellently during the heist, Honcho decided to start his own team with Naughty List- the No-Profiles. Unbeknownst to Naughty List, Honcho succeeded in designing a device to mimic a Queen's signals sometime before the end of the Human-Covenant War, and whilst he had not used it on him, absolutely keeps it as a contingency plan should Naughty List ever be compromised. Now Naughty List serves as the team's assassin, airborne specialist and enforcer.
The Absolute Unit (The Hunter)- Ever been picked last for the football team? Guys like The Absolute Unit are why. Ever thought you were doing well in the gym, and then some mountain of a guy comes and benches twice your set without even straining? The Absolute Unit was probably that guy. Ever get into a fight you couldn't handle and then a musclehead suddenly comes and saves your sorry ass from certain death by stomping? The Absolite Unit was probably that musclehead. Unapologetically tough, exceptionally powerful and so eager to cause destruction it's scary, this warlike Hunter is no gentle giant- when it's time to go to battle, The Absolute Unit is at his happiest: he just loves to make a hot drop into a combat zone and just unleash mayhem with a gigantic 80mm autocannon and turn enemy combatants into paste. And he's really good at it- he's brought down bombers, gunships and fighters with the accuracy of a computer program, and has torn through buildings enough to collapse everything but the part where the important intel is located. You may not believe it, but The Absolute Unit is actually very mathematical- he always knows exactly what his enemies are going to do next, and likewise, what shape they're going to be in after he's peppered them with rounds. He's often entrusted with complex scientific and mathematical problems the No-Profiles encounter, including determining the location of a crashed ship based on how it entered the atmosphere, the perfect angle for a long-range sniper kill in a hurricane environment, and...algebra homework. Not only that, because The Absolute Unit used to operate Scarab walkers in the Covenant, he's also responsible for operating or augmenting the capabilities of many of the No-Profiles' vehicles and machines, basically serving as an all-purpose swarm that can just as well mow down hordes of enemy soldiers as it can pilot a dropship. Among The No-Profiles, The Absolute Unit is an invaluable asset and even Honcho would think twice about leaving him behind. Not that he'd need his help- because, after all, he is The Absolute Unit. The Mgalekgolo colony that would become The Absolute Unit is actually a Rhulolekgolo colony which piloted a Sumda'te-Pattern Sky Stalker Scarab, and the colony gained a great appreciation for the destruction it caused as it blasted hell through Human warships and transports. Not only that, the colony loved the sheer mathematical challenge that came with operating such complex machinery, and were it up to the colony, would spend all its time shooting down spaceships. Following the Human invasion of Eliksnia, the colony's Scarab was decommissioned and dismantled, and the worms were reassigned to running mere test drives of experimental excavator tech in the barren expanse of Naarov on High Charity. Finding this a boring and miserable fate, the colony drudged on, bitter and resentful to whatever bureaucrat had it resigned to this life. At one point, it found itself reassigned again, which initially brought it excitement, which was crushed once it was put to work operating a mining Scarab on Qwisha-3, no action, just excavating gold and titanium ores for the Pickers of Orobost corporation. It continued to do this for years until the mine it was working at was compromised by a band of insurgents who wanted to steal a Jus'twastos-Pattern Mining Scarab, and they commandeered it using an override pass which locked the Rhulolekgolo out of the control centre's systems, meaning the colony could only operate the articulation of the walker. Whilst getting the Scarab to a desirable location, the hijackers discussed what they were doing with the Scarab once they secured it, and in doing so revealed their intention to use it as an engine of their war against the Covenant, enabling them to go bigger in causing destruction. That was when the colony realised it was glad to have been abducted, and after the override pass expired (despite believing it would work indefinitely) the colony continued to assist the hijackers in their escape, revealing through the control centre's Lekgolo-controlled alerts that it had been put to this miserable work and would be glad to join them on their mission, not needing to be locked out in order to assist them. Unfortunately, whilst making their escape, the Scarab was damaged to the point of destruction by the Covenant chasing them, and the Unggoy in charge of the insurgents deemed the mission a failure. Just as they were about to bail, the Rhulolekgolo colony begged the insurgents to free it from the Scarab and take it with them, offering its services to whatever ends they wished to pursue. The Unggoy, knowing he could use a Lekgolo colony under his command, agreed, and the colony was released from the Scarab, and followed the team of insurgents to their exile point. After this, the colony formed itself up into a form more becoming of a Mgalekgolo Hunter, despite being a Rhulolekgolo colony, and agreed with the Unggoy, Honcho, to shed its former identity- now being referred to as The Absolute Unit- the heavy weapons specialist, vehicle operator and mathematician of the No-Profiles.
Former Members:
Bandit- Bandit was a Sangheili member of the No-Profiles who died in battle with an overwhelming force of enemies after being left behind by Honcho and the other No-Profiles on one of the team's earlier missions. Apparently, Bandit was a decorated veteran who turned against the Covenant after a religious official abused, raped and killed his wife and never faced justice for it. In the moments preceding his death in combat, he cursed Honcho for being an honourless coward who refused to die beside him.
Jailbird- Jailbird was an Orobek scout who joined the No-Profiles at some point during the Human-Covenant war, who was killed by a sniper during a heist in which the team was attempting to return an ancestral item to its original opener by taking it from a wealthy private collector. Jailbird joined the No-Profiles after being freed from death row by Honcho for stealing a Prophet's crown. In a twist of painful irony, Jailbird would genuinely die in an act of returning an item to its original owner.
Mobster- Mobster was a Yonhet getaway driver who apparently came from a high-class background and was considered an esteemed gentleman who found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. When he joined the No-Profiles, he found himself constantly at odds with Honcho, but greatly respected the Unggoy leader's skills. He died after his vehicle was sabotaged by the Stationary secret police, who planted a bomb in it that would go off if the vehicle ever stopped moving. After the vehicle in question ran out of power, it went up in an explosive burst of flames- with Mobster inside whilst it happened.
First Aid- The only member of the No-Profiles who managed to leave the team without biting the dust, First Aid is a beautiful San'Shyuum Doctor who healed the wounds of a Jiralhanae hitman who was wanted by the Kastim Crime Family, and as a result, found herself a target. When the hitman helped her fake her death to avoid the Kastims, he directed her to Honcho and the No-Profiles, she joined the team as a combat medic, but found herself excellently suited to espionage work, particularly in high society gatherings where her magnetic personality gives the aura of a classy socialite, thanks to her past as a wealthy and successful doctor. She greatly disagreed with Honcho's insistence on leaving behind teammates if they couldn't be saved without considerable risk, despite having herself become quite distant and cold, to the point where she no longer liked to even know the names of her patients, and is thus far the first and only member of the No-Profiles to leave without Honcho stopping and killing them. She has apparently founded her own own team somewhere in Covenant space, though for what purpose is unknown, although from what Honcho has gathered, she has honoured his demands that she never go by her old name or contact any of her past relationships again, and still goes by the codename 'First Aid'.
(The No-Profiles everyone! Oh my Lord, this post has been a hell of a long time in the making. It's been sitting in my stash for not one, not two, but over three years! Ever since the 23rd of February 2020 to be exact! The idea for this team has existed for even longer than that though- stemming from all the way back in 2015. Basically, they originated from a conversation I had with my Xbox friends about the Heretic Elites in Halo Reach Firefight and what Human guns the other Covenant species would use if there were Heretic versions of all of them in the game too, and ever since that conversation, I had it int he back of my mind that I wanted a team of heretic Covenant who all used Human guns because it would be really cool. Fast forward to 2020, I had planned to post these guys in a weekend, and when I couldn't actually figure out how to fill the character bios of each member, I kept stalling and stalling until I would find the perfect weekend to work on them, but this was 2020. The year that the whole world ground to a halt. Anyway, I worked on them here and there, sometimes adding, sometimes thinking I'd add something and then giving up when I realised I had nothing for the next two years until a few months ago, when I decided it was time I get these guys done already. I even made a new image for them just a few days ago cause the original was just all of them in really lame poses stood in a generic city. This shot of them all walking on a Garosian airfield towards their SuperCondor however? Much better. Anyway, even back in 2020 I knew I wanted the team to be led by Honcho, and based the team off the team in the Netflix Michael Bay action movie 6 Underground, which I really enjoyed and figured would be a perfect basis for the team. If you've seen the movie, you can tell Honcho is very much based on One from the movie, with a few other characters sharing similarities with other members of the cast. The No-Profiles also went through like a million name changes over the years. I never had a name for the idea I had in 2015, other than "The Heretics", so that was simply their name for the longest time, but that was pretty lame in my opinion. I changed it to the Black Skulls for a while, and a bunch of other names until I eventually arrived at the No-Profiles, which I'm pretty happy with. Though after writing Ex-Con's story, maybe the Marks of Shame would've worked? Leaning into their heretic identity? I don't know, either way, I'm pleased with the No-Profiles, and I hope they have impressed!)
(As for music that suits the No-Profiles, I'm honestly not sure. Never really thought of what songs would fit them in all the years they've been bobbing around my head as an idea. Which is kinda embarrassing. Thinking off the top of my head, I'd probably choose some punk and classic rock- Shot Down by US Bombs and...honestly, I really can't think of anything. I guess, anything with a dirty sounding guitar with themes of dying and being born again, but in a really action movie-esque way? Maybe I'll think of a few more later, but for now, Shot Down will do. Anyway, as always, stay safe, stay cool, and stay Nebulous!)
