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DeepWoodian — Skyrim: Those sharp guards...
Published: 2013-04-26 16:49:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 8338; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 16
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Description
Yes, thank you "captain obvious" for your sharp remark. I doubt that I would have noticed that by myself.
Well, I have installed some mods to my Skyrim recently and along with others there came this "Barbarian armor" set as well. I usually prefer realistic armors and mods so I think that calling this outfit as an armor is a "bit" stretching. But you know those barbarians... wearing only loincloths and heavy axes in any situation so let's forgive them in this matter too.
The "funny" thing was that as I was playing with my latest character Isobell and as I just put that barbarian armor set on for the first time, there came this Whiterun guard and said those exact words. Good timing if any.
And as I know that there are those among my regular visitors who haven't played Skyrim, I explain Isobells answer a bit. "Arrow to the knee" - is an overused joke among Skyrim fans and refers to the town guards who more than once tell to player that: "I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee...". Judging by the fact that almost all guards tell this to player over and over again, it must be an requirement to apply as a town guard.
I could have made the guard to say something else too like: "Let me guess, someone stole your breastplate", which would have been a slightly modified version of an actual guard quote: "Let me guess, someone stole your sweetroll." But I wanted to stay with the actual game situation.
More funny guard talks by [link]
Or watch this animation: [link]
The Elder Scrolls Skyrim is (c) to Bethesda Softworks
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Comments: 62
Well, yes there are. But the point of this drawing was to make a funny picture from that exact situation and from that particular "armor".
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So she's too stupid to find a suit of armour that will cover her up? I guess that's a little funny.
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Eh, no. Have you read my description? I think that I have explained there why I think this to be funny.
But shortly put. The idea is to parody all those ridiculous "armors" which hardly covers anything but still have surprising armor ratings. Other point is that my character Isobell very well sees and knows that this barbarian armor does not cover anything, So she doesn't need any smartass guard to tell that to her. That's why her sarcastic and ironic answer: "You don't say..."
I myself find it also funny because of the timing. I had just put that armor on for the first time and while I astonished that bra and all that nakedness, there came this guard and said those exact words. That is also the exact moment what this picture represents.
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Oh, I thought it was another post whining about slutty armors.
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You know what pisses me off? That the Forsworn armor has a better rating than f-ing leather armor. =.= It's a little bra and loincloth. And the male version doesn't even have a top. Why? HOW?
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I haven't noticed that but none of my characters have ever used Foresworn armor, except the headdress. But it must be that magical scale mail bikini armor factor which gives those "armors" those ratings.
This Barbarian armor has exactly the same problem as females have only a bra and male version has nothing but bare chest.
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:0 True, true. I guess that's the rule: the less you wear, the more protected you are. It makes no sense, but it works.
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Yeah, that seems to be the logic of average teenage boys.
The only true advantage I can think from it is that you would be more agile, nimble and fast. But you would have those same advantages with ordinary clothes or with some light leather armour so at least I wouldn't want to fight half naked.
I do know that there have been historical cultures which considered the use of armor (and especially metal armor) as cowardice but they did not use armors at all. The reason why "bikini armors" exists is that those are sexy and "sell" well to teenage males.
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Yup, exactly. 
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I serious HATE those mods, skimpy armors and all that for warriors of the battlefield. It's just plain stupid and literally KILLS the immersion of the game, cause think if I was fighting someone who was wearing that armor I could've easily killed them by stabbing them in their uncovered skin or boil their skin with fire spells. I mean the only places I see that looks protected is the forelegs, forearms, the hips & thighs, and that's it. Those bands on her arms are just plain decoration.
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I tend to avoid watching MMOxReview's videos for that reason. Some skimpy mods work (I honestly think the Barbarian Armor does) but the rest are ridiculous. And the saddening thing is that they're usually the most endorsed mods on the nexus.
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Damned perverts, ruining the RPG experience with their perverted remorse.
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Well, I agree almost totally. I am one of those who like to play RPG's almost solely with female characters and while I like beautifull female curves as much as the next man, I still don't want to see bare skin when it comes to the female warriors of serious fantasy settings. Armors can be good looking, yes but their first priority is to give protection against enemy blows, not to reveal everything. Therefore I regard everything from high heel boots to string "armors" as ridiculous if we talk about serious fantasy. This can also be seen from my art as I like to clothe my "girls" with steel.
This barbarian armor came with a bigger armor compilation mod named "immersive armors" and I must say that all the other armors in that pack are quite realistic, immersive and protective (so it IS a GOOD mod, at least that's my opinion). This barbarian armor is the only exception from that although I admit that I exaggerated it a bit to more emphasise the joke. But just a bit. The more correct name for that armor should have been "Conan the barbarian armor".
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Oh right, how could I forget about Conan XD The half naked woman heart throbber. Yeah, that would make sense I guess, but you wanna know what's really stupid, there are mods that actually skimps up vanilla armor, both girl and boy. We're talking about bare chests, no sleeves, small skirts, wrist bands, bare asses, large buldges in the thighs, you name it.
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Yes, I have seen few of those skimpy vanilla "armors"... or should I say bikinis.
As mentioned elsewere I have always been very much interested and fascinated about armors and especially with the heavy armors. Not so much full plates but chain and scale mails (with breastplates and other steel plate reinforcements). Here's one of my original designs if you are interested. -> deepwoodian.deviantart.com/art...
And speaking of armors and clothes in the Skyrim. I thibk that Morrowind is still superior in that aspect that you could wear clothes under and over the armor.
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Yeah I have to give you that, I'd just wished that Bethesda just sticked with that mechanic, not like Oblivion and Skyrim with their ive to four armor pieces. It down right sadden me to see that in Skyrim the Cuirass and the Greaves were one piece. Back in Morrowind you had all sorts of combinations of different variations of armor, infact I head in Skyrim that someone is trying to create that same mechanic with Pauldrons.
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You can them imagine how funny can get when you have 4 different gloves + bots on your character
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XD What like Fur and Daedric gauntlets equipped? They would be like Daedric padded gloves lol!
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One Fur and one Daedric glove ... then one Chitin and one Bonemold boot! xD
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XD That would be pretty good. Or one unarmored hand and a Dragonbone gauntlet on the other?
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Or that. It would be pretty nuts to see, 
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Actually if there was a brace in the game that would be pretty cool. Almost like a Gladiator Mage or a Battlemage?
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Apparently there are Leather Braces, each for their respective hand.
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Leather braces can work with the Gladiator Mage/Battlemage mix. I just wonder what would a Knight wear? Oh if only there was Mitheral or Silver armor in the vanilla game of Skyrim.
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For that, I have no idea 
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What you have a bad computer? Mine's a Toshiba laptop with Windows 8 and it handles Skyrim just fine.
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Yeah, mine is PC-Anni with Windows XP and pretty much busted, when regarding a PC, so I have to rely on laptops to play. As for my laptop, it`s Lenora with Windows 7 that has trouble loading itself for some reason o_o
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Sounds like you need a new computer, mine only costed me about $600?
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Probably. Only we have enough money crysis already, I could be lucky I`m even in college, so yeah 
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How much is that in American?
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Around 1,382.68+ $.
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Wow, that's a lot of money, college wise...not so much.
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Hyea, but well, politics in here is so corrupt that I wouldn`t be surprised if prices go even more up than they already are.
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I can completely understand that, I don't even trust my own government really. What with them spying on us, doing secret stuff that we the bloodline of this country don't know about, and so much more. Not to mention fucking taxes, retarded presidents who barely keep their word, and so on and so forth.
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Hyea. Maybe they are afraid of us to much.
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They aren't really afraid, well worried but not afraid. They would gun us down if they could but fortunately they have use for us for now.
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Hyea ... yet.
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I've heard some weird things about the government was well, especially a certain "purge project" that's been in development for years now.
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Can believe. I wouldn`t be surprised if they soon start to mass-arrest other people, until next Spring of Nations is initiated.
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Wouldn't be surprising really. Basically this purge project is said that they're planning on eliminating everyone in every major city such as Nashville, San Diego, Las Vegas, the works.
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Bastards ...
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Wow, you two have really had fun talking here. I hadn't noticed before.
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Cannot take any blame, really. From Morrowind to Skyrim to overpriced computers to corporeal and governmental corruption.
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Indeed, such bastards.
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The Barbarians... so easy to fight in Skyrim XD
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Yes, those barbarians do have some "logic" with their armors. The less you wear, the swifter you move. And if you are a female you can also "distract" your opponents with your "chest pieces".
The most logical conclusion from this would be that all the heroes in Skyrim should fight naked.
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You don't say...
A bit streching indeed, a couple of metal bits and a bikini... Yeah, really protective outfit. Maybe she should give "captain obvious" that other arrow in the knee to save him the bother of getting it somewhere else.
Those games you play, it's not just hack and slash, the creators have really added some humour into them. A bit weird humour sometimes though but still...
Well done, as always
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Yeah, but at least female version of that armor does include a bra. Males will show their chest muscles proudly without any hindering objects.
And yes, many of those games I play and Skyrim too can be much more than just hacking and slashing (although that department is also very much there). Skyrim has really beautiful graphics and many players spent much time just traveling around and marveling landscapes. Many also just pick ingredients (picking flowers
And then there are of course those guards and their "witty" remarks. Sometimes their comments "hit the nail"(like in my case here), sometimes you just look like 
So if you ever stray to the world of computer games, be sure to play the games of the Elder Scrolls game series. Especially Morrowind, Oblivion and Skyrim. I can only recommend.
And again, thanks for commenting.
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That would have been exactly my words too 
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