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The arm of the titan sweeps the floors of the forest easily; one of your teammates jumps one second later; it costs his life.
Someone shouts his name, but there's no time to cry.
" (Y/n) BEHIND YOU! " Strauss, your fiance screams.
It's a miracle you jump off in that exact moment out of your own instinct. Truth to be told, you only wanted to see if the person swept could be saved; instead you were alive.
Destiny was such a playful thing.
Out of nothing, a deviant eats in one single gulp Strauss. What can you say but open your mouth like a fish? Someone shots the black color into the sky, noticing the rest of the group so as to avoid clashing with titans.
" RETREAT, RUN! " It's not you who is talking. Someone else inside of you has taken the reigns of the horse and its now getting far away from the deviant who is slowly eating the swept comrade. Your team follows you.

" Being in first row is a hard task. Are you sure you won't regret it? "
" Captain Smith " I started. " I come from a village from the skirts of Wall Maria. Notices didn't arrive in time and so, all of us were crushed into nothing. For an orphan like me this position in the military is more than I could have ever achieved by my own - more than I could have ever dreamt of. "
He seems more than happy with your answer.
" Then the pleasure is mine for having such a loyal person from now on at my orders. "
She nods.

" FUCKING SHIT! " One of your comrades shouts behind you. You don't bother to ask. " WHAT WAS THAT? "
" IIt's called a deviant, you know, those strange - "
" NO GIRL, I MEANT STRAUSS AND GY! " His voice is desperate, and so you are inside. Something's not right... He... Is gone. Strauss your fiancé and Gy, your comrade, your friend for drinking until wasted won't be with you tomorrow. Not in the next expedition neither when Humanity wins. From your team of five only two are left.
You shout because everything is too much.

When you arrive everyone is silent as usual and you leave the horse in the stable with the others. The spot next to yours is empty; there is no loud man caressing the head of the white-spotted horse, no fiancé.
" Are you... Okay? " It's a question and you have to answer it. You take air still not facing the person.
" Not really, just tired ".
" Oh, well... Commander Smith has been searching for you since we arrived to the city " The cadet simply says. Are simple words but the meaning behind them is harsh; you have to face now Erwin, oh gosh, how can you do that? It destroys your inside. " He was... There's not really a name for that emotion. Just don't push yourself too- "
" I know " You cut him involuntarily. " I'm sorry I just know it, kay', I'll... I'll se you for dinner ".

You feel the cadet nods behind you but you can't really confirm it. You sigh and then head for the headquarters.
_______
" Commander Smith? "
" Please, come in ". His voice is smooth, calmed and can almost tell you everything's okay but... It's not.
You open the door and do as hey says. Left arm behind your back, right one at your heart: Military salute.
" No need, please, sit down ".
Oh how you wish you could look at his eyes, but instead you lower your head and nod.
" [L/n] please, look at me directly when I talk to you. It's an order ".
You feel your lip trembling but you do as he says. You want to cry but not in front of him; he's going to feel worse.
" Shit, sorry, I"m-I'm so damn sorry, shit " You slap your own cheek with force so as to stop your tears from falling. " I just feel a bit shocked it's normal, I just... I'm sorry, Captain Smith ".
" Sorry for what, exactly? "
" For obviously killing all of my team. If I could have reacted sooner- " He cuts you off.

Immediately Erwin gets up of his chair startling you and he deeply bows for your surprise.
" Wh-What? " You stupidly ask getting up too of the chair.
" I"m sorry, [F/n]... Just because of my... Plans you lost your fiancé... I will never forget this, to have lost your future husband because of the positions I gave to you, the most dangerous because I thought it could end well. I'm sorry. "
Oh, it's true. No wedding, and his parents... How will you tell them? How in Earth will you look at them again?
" I will take all charge for tje expenses taken into the wedding matters, it's the only thing I can- "
" Oh, it's not necessary... IIt's kind of brute to say this but Strauss and I thought that we wouldn't do any serious plan for the wedding like food, clothes and everything until the two of us were secure in here. Nothing lost then ". You add acidly this last thing and immediately want to take it back. But Erwin smiles.
" Clever couple then. I liked Strauss because he was cool-headed and knew as me what had to be done ".

In fact it"s because he was so similar to you but at a lower rank that I loved him. Erwin Smith, how can someone forget her first crush?

" It's okay I just need time to recover. Yeah, just time ".
Maybe a lifetime to forget something like this.
" Of course. And I will deal personally with his parents. " You feel an instant relief. " Just one more thing? "
" Yes? " You were about to turn over and left his office but stayed still.
" Would you mind coming tomorrow morning for breakfast? ".

It catchs you by surprise and the feelings of regret and guiltiness disappear almost immediately. It's a moment but your brain cannot link Strauss to breakfast, nor Gy or the tragedies of the day.

" Excuse me? "
" I like tea in the morning and maybe some jam but nothing else. Do you like toasts? "
You blink.
" Yeah, I suppose I do "

It was surely a tactic for stop blaming yourself. Erwin still needed you, and as long as you were an active soldier in the first rows of the lines against titans, Captain Smith needed you strong. You play his game.

" I think Lance Corporal Rivaille has an excellent black tea ".
" Oh, ask him if he has red tea, I can tell you its really magnificent for breakfasts. "
" I will ".

And after this you exit the office.
Of course you feel bad, of course Strauss phantom is going to be always behind you but... But for a moment you forgot about everything by his side. You could just hear some birds tweeting and a sunny day in front of you. You could only see Erwin's figure agains the sun taking a relaxing cup of red tea in the shiny morning.

And that's what you did the next morning. And the one which followed it. And the next to it. It was a kind of waking up ritual which was... Unique. Relaxing. And lovely.

Not the romance or the love you've been aching all your life after your parents left, but this kind of friendship was enough for both of you.
Yeah, they were happy mornings.