inolee4ever [2010-02-25 23:34:15 +0000 UTC]

:iconthewritterrevolution:
just love the poem but what =HtBlack said is truht and you can keep on doing them reember practis do the master

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Haru01 [2010-02-22 02:25:25 +0000 UTC]

Awesome!

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TheMaidenInBlack [2010-02-22 00:12:03 +0000 UTC]

I must say I liked how you divided verses... the suggestion I would give you is this. When writing poetry such as this one, which is descriptive, using too many words to make a "conventional" sort of description isn't always a good idea.

What I mean is... for example... okay, a house is a door, is walls, is rooms and stairs. We all know that. But if a door is a welcoming smile, if walls are arms to embrace you, if stairs are notes in a sweet voice... doesn't that same home gain an entirely new meaning?

I mean, if you try to infuse the literal description with some metaphors, it will be much more appealing to the reader, and to you as well. Hope this helps.

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