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devilhooker666 — Matchbox Car
Published: 2006-05-08 23:18:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 80; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description
Please just tell me,Make it crystal clear,
Because, I was your Matchbox Car,
The one you threw away 2 weeks later;
I was your new bed,
Dented after a week of use;
I was your water after exercise,
Refreshing but short-lived.
And now I’ll ask this;
When did I stop believing?
I think I knew all along.
Does the shiny Car think it will last forever?
Does it think it will always be the best?
It has to know that it replaced something,
And something will replace it.
Now that your interest is gone,
Who’s to blame?
Mad at me for believing I was better,
Or mad at you for giving me lines?
They were beautiful, once,
Sharp and new.
I wish I could have seen them then,
On who they were written for;
Now they’re moldly and old,
No one wants your wasted Matchbox Car.
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Comments: 8
The metaphors you used in the first stanza are interesting. I think it's possible the poem could've been just that first stanza, and you have enough in that stanza that the rest of it just repeats what you already said. (but then again I tend to prefer really succinct poetry, so that's just my opinion.)
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It could have been just the first stanza, but I probably would have given it a few more lines.
Thank you, I'm rather proud of my metaphors.
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it's been awhile..just dropping into deviantart for the first time in months. i'm surprised by this poem, not fantastic but really very good. some of your metaphors are totally original yet sensible, the water after exercise one especially. and i haven't read any others, i just picked this because it was the most recent, but it's fabulous that you've gotten out of the "rhyme all the time" phase. rhyming is sweet, but freeverse is way more personal. love the story-like feel. you're writing has matured a lot in these past months.
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omg wow, i haven't seen you around in a while. might be because i'm lazy and haven't commented anyone's stuff in forever. thanks for all the compliments, it means a lot to me to hear from other people that my stuff's actually good. i like to think i'm a good writer, but it's always nice to hear it again.
i'm glad i'm over rhyming all the time, too. i think it took away...distracted you. thanks
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i think your writing has definitely come a long way. i really like this poem. it has a gloomy feel to it, but it definitely has the feeling of old verses new to it. it's really good.
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thanks. for every compliment in that comment.
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I like Matchbox cars...
Oh well...
This poem is so gloomy... like not good enough gloom.
I like it.
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it is gloomy...not good enough gloomy. kinda how i felt at the time. still do a little bit.
thanks
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