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devilhooker666 — The Only Words
Published: 2006-03-22 00:24:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 84; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
The pressure is on; the pressureto find the right words, the pressure
Not to mess up, the pressure to
Bring you back. But the pressure is
Never what really mattered. It
Hardly makes a difference, ‘cause
Even through all the pressure there’s
Only one thing I want to say;
You will be missed. No matter how
Many days I seemed not to care,
No matter how many times I
Took advantage of you being
There, you were there. And now, you‘ve gone
Quickly without a genuine
Good-bye. There’s little that can be
Done. So all the pressure to find
The words, is lifted. It’s removed,
‘Cause the only words I really
Want you to hear, are that you’ll be
Missed. In fact, you already are.
But I never was afraid you
Wouldn’t know that, it was always
Fear that it would hurt. I was right.
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Comments: 6
I rather like this until about line twelve, when you say 'you were there.' As is my usual preference, I think this could probably benefit from a little judicious pruning of overly similar sentiments. Also, I don't really understand why this is in the 'macabre and horror' section, but I've heard my idea of 'scary' vs 'not-scary' is a little abnormal so it's quite possible it's just me.
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Yeah, I agree, I don't quite think "you were there" is powerful enough. But with the whole 8 syllable lines and junk, not gonna be easy to replace.
I put it under "macabre and horror" because it's about my dog. And she died. Which I kinda considered that it has a bad feel to it. Basically, I didn't want to use general poetry and none of the other ones were any closer.
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It's alright. Thanks Manny.
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