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devilhooker666 — Thick and Free
Published: 2006-10-21 04:34:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 188; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 4
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Description
Boom. Boom. Boom.Breath in, the air is thick;
You could cut it with a knife.
I am alone in my room.
Alone. Nothing but thoughts to guide me.
My thoughts alone make the air go thick,
Reach out and snap it in half.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
The crashing, the thudding,
Trying hard to break free.
My chest acts as a painful cage,
Doing nothing but restrain my heart.
It beats against my chest
From nothing but a thought.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
All I wanted was some attention,
All I needed was to think you care;
I got both of them.
Now, the air is deathly thick,
And my heart pounds,
Thuds, and tries to break free.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Without even trying,
You manage to save me.
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Comments: 4
Life?
Hmm you sound depressed...
Love sick perhaps?
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Ha. You would be the one person who would read this and see it as depressed.
And you're right. I was sad when I wrote it. Love sick is probably closest to what it is. Or at least a good description.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i have some spelling questions on this because im not sure if you meant to write them the way you did, or just mispelled.
"Nothing by thoughts"
"My check acts"
"And my heart poinds"
im not critisizing you, just wondering if i'm thinking too much into it and not seeing your vision for the poem. it is a very good poem, one of the simplest of feelings...yet it is felt so deep and strongly and so hard to convey.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah, I just went back and reread the whole things and had to fix a buncha grammar errors. It should be better now.
And thanks. This is another of my favorites, because it flows nicely and I like the way everything was described.
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