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Scene One - Adam's bedroom

Adam (trying to make conversdation): So, hows...stuff?
Jaimee Stuff is...good
Conversation stops & the pair drift into awkward silence. Adam begins looking around the room at the walls, while Jaimee starts to tap his fingers on the bed while sighing loudly.
Adam: Seen any...movies?
Jaimee: Nah..(pause) you?
Adam: (pause) Nah.
Adam: (as if suddenly has thought of an idea) Hey, want some chips?
Adam pulls two packets out of nowhere.
Jaimee: Cool, chuck us some.
Adam throws a packet at him, which Jaimee fumbles, then misses. The chips land on the floor. Jaimee picks them up quickly while Adam isn't looking. When Adam looks back, Jaimee is normal again. Jaime puts elbow out in fron of him to lean on, falls slightly, then sits back up and opens his chips, making an extreme amount of noise. Adam opens his chips rather quietly.
Jaimee: (mouth full) These are pretty good. (makes excessicely loud crunching noises)
Adam looks at Jaimee, and watches him eat with an annoyed look on his face. Jaimee starts to crumble his packet, thinks again & rips it open, causing it to split down the middle. The chips spill all over the bed.
Adam: Um...do you want a bowl?
Jaimee: (nodding in embarressment) Yep.
Adam pulls a bowl out of nowhere, and pours his and Jaimee's remaining chips into it.
Adam: (eating chips) I love this flavour.
Jaimee: (mouth full) Yeah, me to. (crunches loudly)
Both look at each other, and eye a large chip sitting in the centre of the bowl. Adam reaches for it, but then Jaimee snatches it before he can get it. Adam gives him the evil eye, while Jaimee grins at him with a rather competitive smirk on his face. Both look at the chip bowl, then back at each other.
Adam: Not many left now.
Jaimee: Nah.
Jaimee grabs a chip. So does Adam. Jaimee takes two at once. Adam grabs a handfull. Jaimee fills up both hand and, afgter sneakily looking around, stuffs them all in his mouth at once, causing crumbs to fly everywhere. Adam eyes Jaime weirdly, and goes back to taking one. Jaimee looks at Adam, takes one chip, quickly followed by another handfull.
Adam: Hey! It wasn't your turn!
Jaimee: You are actually keeping count? God man, I thought we were just chillin', muchin' on chips. Geez, it's not a big competition.
Both look at each other for several seconds. Adam grabs the bowl, and stuffs as many as he can into his mouth, causing half of them the fly away, some hitting Jaimee and falling onto the floor.
Jaimee: Ow! Dude, settle!
Adam puts the bowl back down. There is only one chip left. Adam and Jaimee stare at each other.
jaimee: So...one left.
Adam: Yeah...we should split it.
Jaimee: Nah, it's ok man, you have it.
Adam: No really! You take it!
Jaimee: Nah amn, it's your house.
Adam: Well ok, if you're not going to have it...
Jaimee: Okay.
Both eye the chip. Then, both leap at it, causing the chip to fly into the air and fall to the ground. Leaping off the bed, the pair dive for it. Kurt chooses this exact moment to walk into the rooom, swinging his backpack on his shoulder. Adam and Jaimee freeze, the chip just centimetres from their hands.
Kurt: Hey guys, what are yous doing?
Adam: (quickly) Nothing!
Kurt walks close, until his foot is just above the chip.
Adam and Jaimee (screaming together, with their arms waving): NO! Don't take another step!
Kurt freezes and stares at the two of them suprised. Looking down he spies the chip and a smug look crosses his face. He then steps on the chip, sqaushing it completely.
Kurt: You mean, here?
Jaimee and Adam stare at each other, horrified.
Kurt: I got the munchies man
he reaches into his already opened backpack and pulls out a new packet of chips. Adam and jaimee look at each other, then dive at Kurt. Kurt's eyes grow wide with fear, and he rushes out the door screaming. The door slams in Adam and Jaimees faces. They both fall on top of each other on the floor. They start to scramble up, but entangle themselves on each other. Finally Jaimee pushes Adam away and stands up. He reaches for the door, only to hear a faint clicking noise from the other side. Adam stands behind him and they test the door, after a brief struggle over the handle (they slap at each others hands; Jaimee wins), only to discover that the door is locked.
Kurt: Yuuummm. These sure taste good. (makes loud crunching noises)
Adam: (banging on door) C'mon man, just give us one.
Jaimee: Yeah, you know we would for you.
Kurt: Yeah, well I'm not you.
Jaimee and Adam look at the ground, having given up. Then, their faces light up when they notice the left over chips that had fallen out of Adam's mouth earlier. Both look at each other, then dive at the chips, which are covered with dirt, spit and ants, and start shovelling in as much as possible.
Jaimee: (mouth full) Mine, there all mine! (cackles evilly for several seconds before fading out)
Adam: (is a little scared) What?
The chips run out. Kurt walks back in, scrunching the empty packet in one hand, licking the ends of his fingers on the other. He swallows the last mouthful, then smiles at them.
Kurt: They sure were good.
Adam: Yeah man. Wadya wanna do now?
Jaimee: Let's go shoot some hoops.
Adam and Kurt: Kay.
All exit room, shutting door behind them.

Scene Two - Walking down the road. Jaimee is attempting to bounce a basketball

Adam: So the basketball final is on TV tonight.
Jaimee: Really? Who's on first?
Adam: Yeah, Who's a good player.
Jaimee: That I don't know.
Adam: That is pretty good in the outfield
Jaimee: What's really good in the outfield?
Adam: No, What's on second!
Jaimee: (starting to grow annoyed) I don't know! You are really starting to annoy me.
Adam: What are you talking about? You is the best pitcher I've ever seen!
Jaimee: I can't pitch.
Adam: That's why I plays shortstop.
Jaimee: Who's playing shortstop?
Adam: No no, Who's on first.
Jaimee: I don't know! That's what I asked you in the first place. (throws arms up in the air, having given up)
Adam: (trying to calm the confusion) Who's on first, What's on second, Yous the pitcher, That's in the outfirld and I plays shortstop.
Jaimee: Glad we have that sorted out.
Kurt: I hate basketball.
Two girls walk past. Jaimee straightens up, going quite nervous and starts tensing all his muscles. Adam starts to strut, a smug look on his face. Kurt is oblivious and walks normally. Jaimee trys to look cool by bouncing a basketball between his legs, and then fumbles. Kurt picks up the ball and starts bouncing it. The two girls stop in front of the bous, and Adam (who is walking in the lead) suddenly stops, causing Jaimee to crash into the back of him, then Kurt crashing into the back of Jaimee. The three quickly try to regain their composure, and stand inn a line. The two groups stare blankly at each other for a few seconds.
Jaimee: Hey (he tries to put on a macho voice but it comes out like a squeak)
The two girls talk in bored, sarcastic voices.
Girl One: Yeah, that's cool.
Girl Two: Like, seventies cool.
Girl One: Totally.
The girls walk off, leaving the guys standing in a line, feeling foolish.
Kurt: What went wrong?
Adam: (looks evilly at Jaimee) I think we have this fella here to blame.
Adam grabs the ball off Kurt, and throws it at Jaimees head. It bounces off Jaimee and bounces back to Kurt.
Jaimee: Hey! Wadya do that for?
Adam: Cause you're not cool.
Jaimee: Sure I am. I mean, I even tried out for the footy team this year.
Kurt: Yeah, and you didn't make it. My mum could've made that team.
Jaimee: Hey! I had a cold that day.
Adam: So did the rest fo the benchwarmers.
Jaimee: are you saying I'm crap at footy? (very annoyed)
Adam: Maybe I am.
Jaimee: (raises fists, and starts jumping around in a very stupid way) Alright man, let's go.
Adam stares at him, then grabs the basketball from Kurt, and continues down the street bouncing it.
Adam: (muttering under breath) What the hell is that? I'm not even gonna bother.
Awkward silence as the three keep walking.
The three are walking down the middle of the road, when a black car pulls up. The car has black tinting on the windows so it is impossible to see anything inside. THe door opens, a man's arm reaches out and grabs Kurt, who is walking towards the back of the group. He is pulled into the passenger seat. The door slmas shut and the car drives off.
Adam and Jaimee stare blankly after the car as it drives down the road.
Adam: Um...
Jaimee: Dude. Your bro just got abducted.
Adam: So...wad awe do?
Jaimee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Um...did ya catch the license plate?
Adam: Nah man.
Jaimee: So, um, let's report it or something.
Adam: Kay. The cop shop is over there.
Adam points down the street in the same direction as where the car went.

Scene Three - The Police Station

The guys are walking through the police station. IN the background, there is a room with a window facing the guys and an open door. Kurt's face is pressed against the window, and he is banging on it. He appears to be screaming "Help me, help me," though he cannot actually be heard. A man, (who looks like Will Smith) in a black suit and dark sunnies walks up, sees the guys, then hits Kurt over the head. Kurt falls down unconscious, and the door is slammed shut. The man looks to the right, then to the left, then closes the blinds. Through the blinds there is a flash of light, then all is dark. The man then walks out of the room, a smug look on his face and straightens his tie. His face goes back to a blank look, then he walks quickly away, shutting the door behind him.
Adam and Jaimee walk over to the counter. A fat, middle-aged man is sitting behind the counter eating a donut and reading a car magazine. Adam and Jaimee stand there fpr several seconds, and the man pays no attention to them. Adam clears his throat, and the man looks up at them, eyeing them like they are dirt.
Man: (rudely) Can I...help you?
Adam: Yeah...um we just saw um...my brother...he was...(stumbles over his words)
Man: What is it? We run a very organised authority here and we don't have time to be wasting on young kids
Man goes back to readng his magazine.
Jaimee: Um...guy?
Man: (looking up) Wha-t?
Jaimee: We have, um, an important emergency here.
Man: (sarcastically) What do I look like? Your friggin mum?
Jaimee: Well actually, just add a moustache -
Adam gives Jaimee and annoyed glance, before interrupting.
Adam: My bro was just pulled into a car.
Man: (looking interested) Was it a black car?
Adam: Yer!
Man: Did it have black tinted windows?
Adam: Yer!
Man: Sorry can't help you.
Jaimee: (annoyed) Look man, you'r the police. You gotta do something! HE was kidnapped for god sake!
Man: Wel,, someone is a bit touchy.
Suddenly two officers walk out, looking normal and chatting. They spot Adam and Jaimee, and a look of shock crosses their faces.
Officer One: Look! It's them!
The officers run over to them, pulling out their guns.
Officer Two: Careful, they may have monkeys on them!
The two look backwards, and see a notice board, two wanted posters. They are of two guys that look the same as Adam and Jaimee, only they are wearing black and white striped shirts and have stubble, tattoos etc. underneath their pictures is a caption reading:
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS
WANTED FOR DEPORTING KILLER MONKEYS FROM THE COAST OF VLADVOSTOK AND RELEASING THEM INTO A CHILDREN'S DAY CARE CENTRE
DEAD OR ALIVE
The two look at it for a while, then back at each other.
Adam: Um...run.
The two turn to run away, but bash into each other. Then they fumble over each other, before getting back up and running straight into the officers. The officers grab them and dump them into a cell.
Adam: It wasn't us! I swear!
Jaimee: Yeah! You got the wrong dudes!
Officer One: Save it for the judge. (locks the door behind them)

Scene Four - A dark jail cell shrouded with shadows. On one side is a dirty mattress. The sound of water dripping and possibly rats scurrying can be heard in the background. On the far wall is a barred window through which sunlight s creeping through.

Jaimee: Dude, why are we in here?
Adam: I dunno man.
They look around the cell, and it appears empty. Thena man takes a step forward, his face still hidden by the shadows.
Adam: Who's there?
The man steps out of the shadows to reveal himself. He is average looking and wearing an orange jail suit. When he sees Adam and Jaimee he starts screaming. Jaimee and Adam do the same. Jaimee scratches his head, while Adam looks around the room. They are all still screaming. When they run out of air, they all breathe in and continue screaming. Suddenly, they all stop and stare at each other for a while, blinking.
Man: Hi.
Adam: Hi.
They then walk their separate ways. Jaimee and Adam onto the mattress in the corner and the man back into the shadows. His raspy breathing can be heard in the background.
Adam: So...what are you in for?
Man: Oh this and that. A few manslaughters, a homicide here and there. The usual.
Jaimee and Adam look at each other, then back towards the shadowed corner.
Jaimee: (breaking silence) We're in here for -
Man: Oh I know your type. You're freaks, way worse than my normal sort. Monkeys and children, geez. How was Vladvostik anyway?
Adam: Vladvostik was fine (yelling fine). Thanks for asking.
Man: yeah, you should be in here a while. A long while. (starts to laugh evilly)
Adam: What?
Jaimee: But man, we didn't do anything!
Man: Sure. That's what they all say. You were just slicing toast one morning and then BAM! Your knife slips into your wifes head. It happens to the best of us.
Adam chuckles nervously.
Jaimee: (whispering) How do we get out of here? This guy's a nutball.
Man: (evilly) I can hear you ya know? Don't think I can't. You better watch your back while you're in here, cause I have a hadbit of making life sentences short.
Adam: How do you do that?
Man: (voice returns to normal) Well, you just encourage the prisoner to behave well. After a few years at this they are issued with bail. It's a fair system.
Jaimee and Adam nod, agreeing.
Jaimee: Yeah I can see that.
Suddenly the cell door is opened behind them, and a man roughly pushes Kurt into the cell. The door is slammed shut again. Kurt looks disorientated, as though he has just woken up.
Adam: Where were you man?
Kurt: (standing very straight, eyes wide open. He is staring blankly; his voice is in a monotone) I have absoloutely no recollection of the past 46 minutes. Please refrain from speaking of this incident ever again.
Jaimee: Huh?
Kurt suddenly starts to act normal. He sits on the mattress, hunched over the way he normally would.
Kurt: Hey...where are we?
Adam: Jail, dude.
Kurt: I knew I shouldn't have eaten those peanuts I found underneath the microwave. And I thought that green stuff was flavouring.
Jaimee and Adam give Kurt a disgusted look.
Man: Ah, another of the notorious deliquents. A pleasuer I'm sure.
Kurt: Who's the wacko in the corner? (indicates corner with thumb)
Man: Your key outta here.
Adam: (looking interested) Whaddya mean?
The man opens his pocket to reveal a rotten tomato and some dental floss.
Jaimee: (eyeing the tomato) So?It's a half mouldy tomato and some dental floss.
Man: To the untrained eye. I've been saving this vegetable for weeks.
Kurt: Well, technically a tomato is a fruit.
Jaimee: I think both terms are acceptable.
Adam: So waddya gonna do with it? I think it's a bit too old to eat.
Man: Well, by now the corrosive acids inside this tomato will be strong enough to decay the windows bars. Observe.
The man leads them over to the window, where he squeezes the tomato onto the metal bars, careful not to let any spill onto his fingers. When a tiny bit does, he shakes his heand muttering "ow" under his breath and then sticks it in his mouth. As soon as the 'acid' from the tomatos touches the bars, they start to sizzle, beofre corroding the bars into nothing.
Jaimee: (nodding) Ah, I see.
Adam: So what's the dental floss for?
Man: Well, as you can see the drop to the ground in approxiamtely three metres, and it would probably hurt us a lot if we just jumped. So I plan to use this dental floss as a rope and slide gracefully to the ground.
Kurt: Good plan!
The man ties one end of the dental floss to a bar in the cell door. He then throws the remainder of the packet out of the window. HE pulls on it to test it, and it snaps and the whole thing falls to the ground. The four people stare after it for a few seconds.
Adam: I...don't think it's coming back.
Out the window the hear someone yelling "ow" as the dental floss lands on their head. They look out the window to see the two girls from earlier standing there. One is rubbing her head and the other is looking upwards.
Girl One: That is so uncool.
Girl Two: Dental Floss? (picks of packet) That went out with flare pants.
Girl One: Like, so totally retro!
Adam: (yelling down at girls) Hey! Yous, down there! (waves arms)
Girl Two: Oh, it's like, those geeks from before. They were so totally five minutes ago!
Girl One: Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening.
Girl Two: Yeah, talk to the elbow cause you ain't worth the extension.
Girl One: talk to the figner, cause you ain't worth five!
Adam: Um, right. Anyway, can we please have our dental floss back?
The girls look at each other, then start giggling.
Girl One: That is like so totally gross.
The girls walk off, leaving the guys in the jail cell. Suddenly, they heard the sounds of a police officer walking past. They all look at each other, before rushing to jump out the window at the same time. Finally, after a brief struggle, Adam jumps first, followed by Jaimee, the man and lastly Kurt. When Kurt is halfway out, the police officer spots them.
Officer: Hey! What are yous doing?!
Kurt looks back, gives him the finger and jumps. They all land in a heap at the bottom. A siren goes off and blue and red lights start to flash as the sneak out of the car park (reference to what seems to happen in movies)

Scene Five - Back out on the street

Adam: (after brief silence) So, wanna go shoot some hoops?
Kurt finds the ball lying on the path outside the police station.
Man: Yer, we can do two on two.
Jaimee: Kay.